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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-10-08 to Sat 2017-10-14
Posted by Blythe at 2017-10-16 12:13:39 PM (6 comments) | Permalink

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1252 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Oct 2017 at 12:15 PM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Last week's Fark headlines were fun as always, thanks to our submitters and our TotalFark voters!  Vote early, vote often!  Also - check out the NotNewsletter, where we highlight some of the extra headlines that didn't make it to the top but we love and want to give a little extra recognition.

We love all our headlines and submissions, but for Headline of the Week they need to stand out and be extra funny, clever, and creative.  The headlines that make you laugh or look at a story sideways and say "*this* is why I come to Fark".  The kind of headline that you can tell your co-worker, spouse, friend, and the person sitting next to you in the bar: "hey, check it out, *this* is Fark."

A lot of our headlines quality for that, but Headline of the week is about the standouts!  Enjoy your Headlines of the Week!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-10-08 to Sat 2017-10-14:  ♫ Gin-gle balls, gin-gle balls, Scotch on Christmas day. Oh what fun it is to drink & vodak's on the way ♫  Search for downed plane in Beaver Lake called off. No word if they used man in a canoe  Please note: if you're planning a historical reenactment of a battle including tanks and machine guns, you may want to mention this to people in advance  Get thee to a hurricanery  Got a uterus? That's a visit to HR  We've secretly replaced $80 billion in Pell Grant funding with absolutely nothing, which will force millions of students to drop out, go deeper in debt, or forego college altogether. Let's see if students notice  Catalonia changes its relationship status with Spain to "It's Complicated"  A handy guide to working with women for stubble-crusted swamp orcs  Memorial to slaveowner Thomas Jefferson being attacked by laser-wielding assailants  Today in Fark's media outreach program (details in thread)  "What are you in for?" "Carjacking." "Cool. And what are you in for?" "Murder." "Cool. What about you, fresh fish, what are you in for?" "I liked somebody's Facebook post." *backs away slowly*  Old man switches from yelling at clouds to shooting at passing airplanes

Sports:  Seven year old girl explains passing routes. I hope she's around at the end of the season to help me understand playoff scenarios  Wife-like tweeting detected  US soccer coach sacks himself after loss to Trinidad. John Oliver immediately applies for job

Geek:  Scientist looks behind the sofa and discovers the missing half of all the matter in the universe. "I knew it had to be around here somewhere"  This may be taking Rule 34 a little too far  It's called Pluto, motherfarker

Entertainment:  How hard was it for women to deal with a rich and powerful sexual predator? Let's ask Terry Crews  James Van Der Beek reveals that he has been grabbed by his James Van Der Cheek and even cornered by Hollywood Execs with inappropriately sexual James Van Der Speak  * = €1.4mn

Politics:  Let's review: the GOP made guns cheap and easy to get, but is making food and lodging expensive and out of reach for most poor Americans. That's a bold strategy Cotton, let's see how it works out  Pence pouts because players protesting, peevishly parts place  "Trump is playing zero-dimensional chess." If CNN is going to just steal Fark comments as headlines, they should at least let Fark use their logo on links  Somebody needs to tell Trump how government works. Not that he'll listen, of course, but still  Who's going to lead the Republican moderates now that the far-right has taken over the party? In related news: Wandering Republican moderates thought to be extinct have been spotted in America's northeast  Stopped clock right twice today, must not have am/pm designator  May: fark it, what happens if we just leave?  OK, who ordered the Black Russians?  After tonight's arrest, AL GOP Senate candidate Roy Moore's son has just one more to go to be eligible for a free small coffee and a donut at the jail commissary  In Sep 2016, Best Korean hackers stole US-SK war plans. Say what you will about the Moron-in-Chief, but at least with his 'make it up as I tweet' approach, there aren't any plans for them to steal  "The war against coal is like the war against the telegraph"  Alex Jones wants better hookers  Best Korea decides to keep trolling Trump, promises a "hail of fire". The apocalypse will be twittervized  Even the GOP is starting to question whether President Trump is truly honoring his oath of office to defend and protect the Constitution. Or has read the Constitution. Or can read  Trump to nominatje Kirstjen Nielsen as homjeland sjecurity sjecrjetary  Three weeks after Hurricane Maria, only 16 percent of Puerto Ricans regret being able to read the President's Twitter feed  Trump to withdraw US from UNESCO, because there's nothing the GOP hates more than Education, Science, Culture, the United Nations, or being Organized  Moving on from Coal Miners, Trump now says Truckers are the lifeblood of the economy. Next up Fry Cooks and Mechanics as Trumps shores up the "poorly educated" fan base  Article on why Russian propaganda campaign was so effective. Hint: See tag  Attention, Republicans: The time to panic is now. When? Just now. We're at now now. Go back to then. When? Now. Now? Now. I can't. Why? We missed it. When? Just now. When will then be now?  A self-confessed fornicator and sexual harasser, who was unfaithful to three wives and has children by three different baby-mommas and says he's never once asked God to forgive anything he's done, give a "hero's welcome" at Christian voters summit

Business:  Marshall Lucky here for New Deal Used Planes. Here's a Gulf Stream V, 2012. It's loaded. It's got air conditioning. It's got whitewall radial tires. It's got power steering, power brakes, power seats, power windows. And a price that is just too high  Amazon would like to gain access to your life and I mean that in a very personal way. They would like to put stuff in your refrigerator and your trunk and... in fact, just hand over your keys. Everything will be just fine  Tesla discharges hundreds of employees in shocking move

Discussion:  How weird do you think the world really is?  Here's how to make the best spaghetti & meatballs ever. Look, this may not be the most exciting headline on Fark today, but at least it's about something people actually like. So go ahead and click the link, make some pasta, and be happy  New Comics (10/11): Batman on Batman violence, Wolverine's female clone teams up with his son (is that her son? brother? nephew? it's a little weird), And Ragman, the rare character who probably does not need a female clone version, gets a series  World's shortest IQ test can embarrass most Daily Fail readers with just three questions  So you've decided to summon a demon from some otherworldly plane. NOW what do you do?  Because of course I did, this phrase has outlived its relevance because of course it has. You can reply with snark, because of course you can. It will get red lit, because of course it will
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6 Comments     (+0 »)
2017-10-16 12:25:09 PM  
Well, I'll be damned. I got a best headline!

Woot! Time to drink.
2017-10-16 12:45:21 PM  
Oh, good. The media outreach and its subject both got in.
2017-10-16 12:55:19 PM  
I'm waiting for this article to get greenlighted, unless whoever submitted it had a dumber headline that didn't mention the face tatto that says:

img.fark.netView Full Size
2017-10-16 01:16:30 PM  

RJReves: Well, I'll be damned. I got a best headline!

Woot! Time to drink.

Me too. Cheers
2017-10-16 01:27:34 PM  

Pista: RJReves: Well, I'll be damned. I got a best headline!

Woot! Time to drink.

Me too. Cheers

ZAZ [TotalFark]
2017-10-16 04:41:16 PM  
Memorial to slaveowner Thomas Jefferson being attacked by laser-wielding assailants

Has Fark apologized to WTOP for the inaccurate headline yet?
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