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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-09-10 to Sat 2017-09-16
Posted by Blythe at 2017-09-18 12:42:33 PM (0 comments) | Permalink

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1260 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Sep 2017 at 12:42 PM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Here are your Headlines of the Week!  Thanks as always to all our amazing submitters!!

Main and Politics and Geek were great as always, Entertainment was surprisingly fantastic this week, there were a few gems in Sports, Business, and Discussion.  So if you want a challenge and bragging rights, submit your best to the first categories; if you're looking for a slightly easier playing field to warm up your skills and get more greenlights and more HotW candidates, let's see what you can do in the other tabs!

Thanks for voting!  All TotalFarkers can vote for Headlines of the Week!  We're especially looking for funny - something you can tell share in a bar or at work and get a laugh - but we also love creative and unique submissions.

Thanks all!  Here are your Headlines of the Week!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-09-10 to Sat 2017-09-16:  Irma girder  1/3 of parasites could go extinct from climate change. The rest will continue to claim that there's no proof and science is bad  Swift Dam fire prompts damn swift evacuation  Arizona Motel 6 makes it really easy for guests to get ice  "Army scientists discover power in urine." Pee All That You Can Pee  Karma, bro  Rare white giraffes have been spotted in Kenya. Well, they're not actually spotted  Iceland's government collapses due to pedophile. Hmmm, must have been a load-bearing pervert  Video shows naked woman in sweltering nursing home, illustrating the importance of reading the entire headline before clicking  Defendant who sent picture of Hannibal Lecter to judge wants to subpoena Anthony Hopkins, put the motion in the basket

Sports:  ESPN accepts apology for Trump being a white supremacist  Tom Brady: I don't worry about concussions; they're part of playing football. Would you like to ride with Batman?  Amazon to live stream Chicago Bears game with separate audio feed for those unfamiliar with football, such as foreigners and the coaching staff of the Bears

Geek:  A palm tree can survive a hurricane because of its root ball, wiry trunk, and feather-like leaves. For everybody else in Florida it's cheap rum, wonder bread, and Jimmy Buffet CDs  Ever wondered what Soviet navy political officers did besides get murdered by Sean Connery? The CIA just declassified the answer  John McAfee now more trustworthy than Symantec. Norton Wept  Mammoth 'family' to be sold at auction in England. Duggars taking note, get their producers on the horn  Excuse me, but that dog is my wife  Viking sword discovered. Still waiting on test results to find out its attack value against giants and undead  Much like subby's socks, Mars has a porous crust  SpaceX uploads a blooper video shows how NOT to land a rocket. "It's not a crash. It's a rapid, unscheduled disassembly"  "Please state the nature of the musical absurdity"  Cassini's last photo which is safe for work because it does not include Uranus

Entertainment:  LCD Soundsystem's new album is number one. They were gonna have David Bowie, Lou Reed, and Leonard Cohen as guest stars but well, things happened. They decided to stop asking people because they didn't want anymore blood on their hands  Apparently, Jim Carrey has had enough of dumb questions  Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming| Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running| Didn't make sense not to live for fun| Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb| So much to do, so much to see| don't forget 9/11  Ernest Hemingway's Key West cats are OK, down to 8 lives  Christian Bale ate a lot of dick to play Pie Cheney. Uh, strike that, reverse it  Now go home and get your pinebox  "All My Children" star Mark LaMura dies at age 68. He leaves behind a wife, daughter, three mistresses, seven illegitimate children and an evil twin  Schrodinger's Iron Throne  Selena Gomez's heart wants what it wants. Her excretory system wanted a new kidney  Harry Dead Stanton

Politics:  Norway's election is too close to call? Yes way  Mike Pence recalls the longest 12 minutes of his life. Karen Pence blushes  UK Police and prison officer pay to rise by more than 1% but less than 2%. Basically anything in this general area. Anything between the ashtray, and the thimbles. Anything in this three inches. Right in here, this area, that includes the Chiclets  Medicare trustees: We'll be out of money by 2029. Sanders: Hold my beer. Warren: And my wine. Gimli: And my ax. Politics tab: And my (Not safe for work)  Cruz blames his staff for liking porn tweet. Me too, buddy. Me too  Trump to visit south Florida this weekend to assess storm damage, as well as every weekend after that  Orrin Hatch states bluntly the need for a joint effort on pot legislation: "It's high time to address research into medical marijuana" and 420 other Fark headlines  NPR to Fox News: Shut up, real journalists are talking  Congress to Facebook: Give us all of your data on Russian ad buys. Facebook: How about no? Robert Mueller: Give *me* all of your data on Russian ad buys. Facebook: Yes, sir. Always glad to help  There is a white male movement known as "alt right". There is an internet person known as "troll". Where these entities intersect is known as "South Park"

Business:  How James Dyson created a $3 billion vacuum empire, and how Subby had an old headline pun that was just collecting dust  Oracle lays off over 1000, most of whom never saw it coming  Nordstrom experiments with stores that carry no merchandise. Kmart/Sears: Trust us. It doesn't work

Discussion:  Ice cream served with a M. Night Shyamalan twist  What is the appropriate sharing ratio when eating Doritos with your dog? It can't really be one-to-one like my dog says, can it?  Anyone else wonder how hard it can really be to live through a hurricane? Based on the TV news, seems all you have to do is stand in the middle of the street like a fool  Turns out, the Bee Gees were right; scientists have determined that they can tell whether or not you are a woman's man with no time to talk based upon the way you walk  How would the current administration be different if the president drank?  "A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to." --J. R. R. Tolkein. Much like a wizard, this is your day late Fark Writer's Thread "I meant to do that" edition
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