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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-09-03 to Sat 2017-09-09
Posted by Blythe at 2017-09-11 11:30:58 AM (0 comments) | Permalink

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1131 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Sep 2017 at 11:33 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Here are the headlines that TotalFarkers voted as the best for the week.  Thanks for voting!  Vote early, vote often.  We're looking mainly for funny - what headline could you tell someone else at the office or in a bar and make them laugh - and we also love smart and creative and fun.  Thanks to our submitters, you are all amazing!

Take a look in the NotNewsletter to see the headlines that almost made it to the HotW list.  Make sure to vote so *your* favorites make it to the top.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-09-03 to Sat 2017-09-09:  Trump and Melania go to church. Where did she get that DRESS? It's awful. And those shoes and that coat-- JEEEZ  G-g-g-g-ghost lobster? Like, ZOINKS!  Seafood company's defense for accidentally releasing 160,000 Atlantic salmon into the Pacific: it was a tide caused by the eclipse. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T MY FAULT I SWEAR TO GOD  Indiana cancer patient's wish to meet my ex-wife is granted  The fog is getting thicker. And Irma is getting laaaarger  A mandatory evacuation order has been issued for residents of Southern Florida with special needs. So, pretty much everyone  Ashfall in Seattle, threadfall and dragons to follow soon  Smoking Hot cafeteria lady arrested for sex with teen, having sent nude pictures of herself to him which we can only assume were taken in landscape mode  Fewer  *cries*

Sports:  Scooby packs  Brock's back as backup for Broncos after being booted by Browns  New polling data shows that Nate Silver shouldn't be allowed to create memes

Geek:  MIT's new 'socially aware' robot can move swiftly through crowds, post about how woke it is on twitter  Carbon units infesting NASA continue to receive data from Voyager probes almost 40 years after their expected mission termimation  Researchers find the molecular origin of Alzheimer's, hope they remember where they put it  Scientists introduce new material to store hydrogen. While they don't want to rush things, it's no secret they hope to be in a meaningful one-on-one relationship very soon  "Why don't you just make Category 5 more destructive and make 5 be the top number and make that a little worse?" "...This scale goes to 6"  Scientists identify 27 distinct emotions, not including the "Oh, I just clicked a Daily Mail link" emotion which is simply a variation of disgust  Then, in 2017, Skynet developed gaydar  Look, I've got an advanced medical degree from Dunning-Kruger University, and I'LL decide what I'm taking  New mummies found in Luxor, positioned right in front of the slot machines  Packs of African wild dogs vote on group decisions by sneezing. The nose have it over the eyes

Entertainment:  Can't  Wanda gets litigious over rumors about its Wang  Sorry folks, park's closed. Mouse out front should have told you

Politics:  "Pop quiz, hotshot. You are the president of the United Sta..." "Shoot the hostages." "But I haven't asked the question yet." "Shoot the hostages"  Obama upgrades anger level on DACA repeal from "slightly annoyed" to "let me be clear"  Scotland: If it's not an electric vehicle by 2032, it's CRAP  Trump to hawk his tax overhaul in Bismarck, Dems to announce project "Ark Royal" in response  McCain's spine goes into remission  "Six charts to help Americans understand the German elections" needs a seventh that helps them give einen Rattenarsch  "People called the Blue, they live?" "It says 'Blue lives matter.'" "No it doesn't"  Wife of Trump Organization's ethics attorney arrested for having a tryst with an inmate. Which makes sense, since clearly her husband is a figment of her imagination  Senator breaks leg while exercising, mainstream media is silent  Democrats force resignation of Town Councilman for chasing tail while wearing one

Business:  Nickel prices keep plugging along, are the highest they've been in almost 6 quarters  Ryanair cuts cabin baggage limit to one piece. Not to be undone, United and American prohibit pockets  If the meal that you eat has an eel for the meat, that's a moray

Discussion:  The most disturbing people you can sit next to on an airplane, but nothing beats the corpse story  Will reigns get fed to the inCenarator? Will anyone care of Enzo and Gable? Can subby manage to type this with no typos on his phone? It's your live Raw thread Starting at 8pm eastern on USA  By the power of Jennifer Greyskull  "I believe that was already covered during the trial" and other smart arse answers not covered in the linked article about what to say when the job interviewer asks you to tell them about yourself  It's been over 10 years. Are we over it yet?  This week on the Saturday Morning Book Club: What's the most difficult book you've ever read? Bonus points if you actually understood it
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