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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-07-30 to Sat 2017-08-05
Posted by Blythe at 2017-08-07 10:28:11 AM, edited 2017-08-07 10:53:11 AM (0 comments) | Permalink

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1481 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Aug 2017 at 10:28 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Here are your Headlines of the Week!  Thanks for voting!
Take a look in the Not Newsletter to see a few of the headlines that *didn't* make it - there's a lot of good ones that get overlooked.  Make sure you vote for the headlines you like when you see them!  Funniest, cleverest, makes you laugh, makes it Fark - we want to highlight the best headlines, not just the headlines for stories you like.  Thank you again!  Vote early, vote often :)
Also - note that there are ten Politics headlines instead of three this week - we're getting so many politics submissions that it's only fair that more Politics headlines get noticed.  Voting for the funniest / cleverest / Fark-worthy headlines regardless of the story is especially important here because it's easy to just vote for headlines you agree with.  

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-07-30 to Sat 2017-08-05:  We're off to take a whizzer, a wonderful whiz in the yard. A whiz of a whiz, a whiz in the yard, if ever a whiz there was. If ever a whiz of a whiz there was, a whiz in the yard is one because because because because because becaaaaaaaaus we said so  $590,000 worth of iPhones stolen from a moving truck. Apple has blocked the full dozen IMEI numbers  ♫ Scaramouche, Scaramouche you can't do the Trump fandango ♫  Blue Angels practice expected to impact I-90. Man, talk about low expectations  I hollered, "Don't look, Ethel," but it was too late. She'd already been mooned. Flashed her right there in front of the shock absorbers  "Ladies and Gentlemen, update from the flight deck. That 'whoosh' sound you may have heard was the North Korean ICBM that just detonated a few minutes behind us"  Next Air Force One to be second hand 747 from bankrupt Russian airline. Unlikely tag last seen taking a toaster into the bathroom  Like a good neighbor, stay over there  Lawsuit alleges Nebraska patrol requires female applicants to undergo vaginal exam. Well yeah, it's a public cervix job  Christians are nearly twice as likely to think people are poor because they don't work hard enough. You don't think Jesus just had heaven and earth handed to him by his dad, do you?
Sports:  Jon Jones reclaims UFC title, returns to Mars to continue manhunting  Mr. Kintzler, what were you doing when you found out you'd been traded to the Nationals? "Feeding a rhino." This is not what I expected  Steph Curry shoots 74 in pro golf debut. Man, golf has gotten a lot more violent recently
Geek:  Meet the loyal engineers overseeing the Voyager probe as its mission winds down and it prepares to merge with a cloud and become V'ger  A higher number of mitochondrial DNA-molecules may means more Jedi, fewer X-Men  Scientists discover unknown virus in 'throwaway' DNA. No mention of tissues or socks
Entertainment:  Talk about a buzzkill. Rare Animaniacs trifecta in play for all the wrong reasons  Sofia Vergara poses completely nude for Women's Health and Millie Vanilli Chilli Willie because you're not reading this anymore. Not safe for church  "Prog rock is the whitest music ever," postulates columnist who has never heard of "country music" or "Guns N Roses" or "Kanye West"
Politics:  Oh this makes me feel soooo secure about the 2018 elections  Don't do what Donnie Don't does  Now you can experience the Trump Presidency the way it was designed to be enjoyed: as TV guide blurbs about episodes of a poorly written sitcom  If you picked "less than 24 hours" as the answer to "How long until one of the Trumps will undermine the authority of newly sworn-in Chief of Staff John Kelly?" step forward and collect your prize  Well, at least their excuses when it comes to Russia are getting a tad more believable  Federal Court to NC: Just fix your damn gerrymandering already, for chrissakes  The National Security Council has a job opening for somebody better than Ezra  Mueller impanels grand jury to taste the nothing burger  Mueller to Trump: Oh? What's this? A red line? Did you draw me a red line? Am I not supposed to cross it? Are you threatening me, Mr. President? *crosses line* Come at me, bro  When Stephen Miller called Jim Acosta "Cosmopolitan" the other day he was implying Acosta was sophisticated, educated, and considers all men his brothers; but he meant it in a BAD Way. Oh, and it was also Stalin's codeword for "Jew"
Business:  NASA experts warn consumers not to buy counterfeit solar eclipse glasses. The sun is there  Soda consumption drops to a new 31-year low, as people look at the economy, job market and political atmosphere and decide it's just easier to switch over to alcohol  Growing trend of "curse-free" pubs in England is not going over well. "Golly gee, this misguided idea has really made me quite upset and unable to express myself in the preferred fashion of which I'm accustomed to," said one customer
Discussion:  Let's Get Graphic: 100 Favorite Comics And Graphic Novels by NPR. Rampant Tree Huggers to the Left, Personal Opinion that you formed Ten Years Ago to the Right  At a glance, the video itself is is unremarkable. The setting is as simple as the music selected and you are completely unfazed until you realize one thing. There are no rocks  "I am a millennial who just went to Kmart for the first time ever and couldn't believe this place"
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