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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-07-30 to Sat 2017-08-05
Posted by Blythe at 2017-08-07 10:28:11 AM, edited 2017-08-07 10:53:11 AM (0 comments) | Permalink

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1481 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Aug 2017 at 10:28 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Here are your Headlines of the Week!  Thanks for voting!
 
Take a look in the Not Newsletter to see a few of the headlines that *didn't* make it - there's a lot of good ones that get overlooked.  Make sure you vote for the headlines you like when you see them!  Funniest, cleverest, makes you laugh, makes it Fark - we want to highlight the best headlines, not just the headlines for stories you like.  Thank you again!  Vote early, vote often :)
 
Also - note that there are ten Politics headlines instead of three this week - we're getting so many politics submissions that it's only fair that more Politics headlines get noticed.  Voting for the funniest / cleverest / Fark-worthy headlines regardless of the story is especially important here because it's easy to just vote for headlines you agree with.  

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-07-30 to Sat 2017-08-05:

img.fark.net  We're off to take a whizzer, a wonderful whiz in the yard. A whiz of a whiz, a whiz in the yard, if ever a whiz there was. If ever a whiz of a whiz there was, a whiz in the yard is one because because because because because becaaaaaaaaus we said so
 
img.fark.net  $590,000 worth of iPhones stolen from a moving truck. Apple has blocked the full dozen IMEI numbers
 
img.fark.net  ♫ Scaramouche, Scaramouche you can't do the Trump fandango ♫
 
img.fark.net  Blue Angels practice expected to impact I-90. Man, talk about low expectations
 
img.fark.net  I hollered, "Don't look, Ethel," but it was too late. She'd already been mooned. Flashed her right there in front of the shock absorbers
 
img.fark.net  "Ladies and Gentlemen, update from the flight deck. That 'whoosh' sound you may have heard was the North Korean ICBM that just detonated a few minutes behind us"
 
img.fark.net  Next Air Force One to be second hand 747 from bankrupt Russian airline. Unlikely tag last seen taking a toaster into the bathroom
 
img.fark.net  Like a good neighbor, stay over there
 
img.fark.net  Lawsuit alleges Nebraska patrol requires female applicants to undergo vaginal exam. Well yeah, it's a public cervix job
 
img.fark.net  Christians are nearly twice as likely to think people are poor because they don't work hard enough. You don't think Jesus just had heaven and earth handed to him by his dad, do you?
 
 
Sports:
 
img.fark.net  Jon Jones reclaims UFC title, returns to Mars to continue manhunting
 
img.fark.net  Mr. Kintzler, what were you doing when you found out you'd been traded to the Nationals? "Feeding a rhino." This is not what I expected
 
img.fark.net  Steph Curry shoots 74 in pro golf debut. Man, golf has gotten a lot more violent recently
 
 
Geek:
 
img.fark.net  Meet the loyal engineers overseeing the Voyager probe as its mission winds down and it prepares to merge with a cloud and become V'ger
 
img.fark.net  A higher number of mitochondrial DNA-molecules may means more Jedi, fewer X-Men
 
img.fark.net  Scientists discover unknown virus in 'throwaway' DNA. No mention of tissues or socks
 
 
Entertainment:
 
img.fark.net  Talk about a buzzkill. Rare Animaniacs trifecta in play for all the wrong reasons
 
img.fark.net  Sofia Vergara poses completely nude for Women's Health and Millie Vanilli Chilli Willie because you're not reading this anymore. Not safe for church
 
img.fark.net  "Prog rock is the whitest music ever," postulates columnist who has never heard of "country music" or "Guns N Roses" or "Kanye West"
 
 
Politics:
 
img.fark.net  Oh this makes me feel soooo secure about the 2018 elections
 
img.fark.net  Don't do what Donnie Don't does
 
img.fark.net  Now you can experience the Trump Presidency the way it was designed to be enjoyed: as TV guide blurbs about episodes of a poorly written sitcom
 
img.fark.net  If you picked "less than 24 hours" as the answer to "How long until one of the Trumps will undermine the authority of newly sworn-in Chief of Staff John Kelly?" step forward and collect your prize
 
img.fark.net  Well, at least their excuses when it comes to Russia are getting a tad more believable
 
img.fark.net  Federal Court to NC: Just fix your damn gerrymandering already, for chrissakes
 
img.fark.net  The National Security Council has a job opening for somebody better than Ezra
 
img.fark.net  Mueller impanels grand jury to taste the nothing burger
 
img.fark.net  Mueller to Trump: Oh? What's this? A red line? Did you draw me a red line? Am I not supposed to cross it? Are you threatening me, Mr. President? *crosses line* Come at me, bro
 
img.fark.net  When Stephen Miller called Jim Acosta "Cosmopolitan" the other day he was implying Acosta was sophisticated, educated, and considers all men his brothers; but he meant it in a BAD Way. Oh, and it was also Stalin's codeword for "Jew"
 
 
Business:
 
img.fark.net  NASA experts warn consumers not to buy counterfeit solar eclipse glasses. The sun is there
 
img.fark.net  Soda consumption drops to a new 31-year low, as people look at the economy, job market and political atmosphere and decide it's just easier to switch over to alcohol
 
img.fark.net  Growing trend of "curse-free" pubs in England is not going over well. "Golly gee, this misguided idea has really made me quite upset and unable to express myself in the preferred fashion of which I'm accustomed to," said one customer
 
 
Discussion:
 
img.fark.net  Let's Get Graphic: 100 Favorite Comics And Graphic Novels by NPR. Rampant Tree Huggers to the Left, Personal Opinion that you formed Ten Years Ago to the Right
 
img.fark.net  At a glance, the video itself is is unremarkable. The setting is as simple as the music selected and you are completely unfazed until you realize one thing. There are no rocks
 
img.fark.net  "I am a millennial who just went to Kmart for the first time ever and couldn't believe this place"
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