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Fark NotNewsletter: Fark is having an auction
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-05-16 12:02:39 PM (94 comments) | Permalink

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3502 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 May 2017 at 8:33 PM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:
 
Recently Fark passed a milestone - our One Millionth user account.  Unfortunately a spammer nabbed it and the next real live person with a super off-color login name.  Which we greatly appreciated but made it hard to celebrate publicly.
 
Meanwhile, on an unrelated note our hardware fund is a bit low.  We price The Cloud out every year, and so far it's still not cheaper for us to host offsite.  We don't need a ton of CPU power to run Fark but our stuff could use some upgrades.
 
Then in a beer-influenced moment of inspiration, it occurred to me that we could put account One Million to good use to help with our hardware fund.
 
So we're auctioning off account number One Million!  Winner gets to pick the login and do with it whatever one does with a Fark login.  Just think, you could post comments in the politics tab with account One Million and come out without any hit to your online credibility.  And probably some other stuff.
 
To make things more interesting, Hop-Con 5.0 is coming up on July 19th in San Diego.  I'll toss in a pass to the event.  Aside from quality time with me, you get drink tickets for all Five W00tstouts - yes it's been five years since the first W00tstout (and it still tastes amazing, had one the other day).  Wish we could cover associated travel costs getting to the event but unfortunately no dice.  Check out http://www.stonebrewing.com/events/hop-con-50 for more details.
 
So go check out the auction and take a shot! http://www.ebay.com/itm/-/222512343691
 
-----
 
Next up in our What's The Best Thing That Happened To You As a Result of Fark - Hyperbolic Hyperbole with a situation that isn't all that uncommon as I understand it:
 
Best and most unexpected: I met my wife in TFD. We lived on opposite coasts and really never would have met otherwise. Our son just turned 1. He's an entire person that wouldn't exist if Fark didn't.
Fark has also been a great place to drink and talk with folks and wake up in the morning and realize you bought someone a five pound bag of macaroni and cheese powder because reasons but that's neither here nor there
 
-----
 
I lost count awhile ago but there are well over a thousand Fark marriages and probably close to that many Fark babies out there now.  Keep em coming!
 
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Nothingburger - 54
James Comey - 3784
Classified - 526
Showboat - 74
Salad - 250
Bacon - 415
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
edmo applied what was learned from an article about overbreeding ruining dogs
Mr. Coffee Nerves asked the wife about having an open marriage
Im_Gumby knew what to fill a Trump piñata with
TabASlotB had something to say about that viral real estate listing with a mystery man living upstairs
mama2tnt showed a photo from another Leeroy Jenkins adventure
kbronsito shared a quote about country music
The All-Powerful Atheismo improved a real estate listing
Tr0mBoNe summed up how a gamer was saved by "The Elder Scrolls"
naughtyrev shared an image macro
Orion5k thought one movie was better than the book
 
Smartest:
CipollinaFan had a suggestion for towing and impound fees owed after a stolen car is recovered
Yankees Team Gynecologist thought you might discover something if you ask for an open marriage
Barfmaker thought requesting a refund from an airline was reasonable
davidphogan was mad at MADD
LarryDan43 thought a spouse would agree to an open marriage for one reason
Ambivalence discussed another aspect of a problem that a woman was dealing with
timujin thought some investigators didn't understand how THC is metabolized
namegoeshere figured that a "drug expert" was really detecting something else
Mr. Coffee Nerves explained why social media managers should be paid handsomely *cough*
August11 compared having an open marriage to moving to Idaho
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: Comments in this section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers
Smart: GrahamManning explained what should make a man lose his "man card"
Smart: Hyperbolic Hyperbole discussed what makes a voter anti-woman
Funny: LaurenAguilera's friend's mom drives a crappy car
Smart: Timanous comforted a Farker who was sad to part with something
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Some assembly required
Smartest:
bighairyguy found the best way to assemble a grill
Funniest: ingo forgot a minor detail in planning a home improvement project
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
mongbiohazard had to find out how to deal with a nothingburger
Mr. Coffee Nerves noticed what it sometimes takes for people to understand the other side
Lenny_da_Hog questioned the significance of the French election results
impaler showed Sean Spicer looking a little more relaxed
Mantour found a former president's reaction to an investigation
 
Politics Smartest:
somedude210 gave France some credit
holdmybones toasted the French
scottydoesntknow detected some projection
ginandbacon examined someone's reasons for voting Republican
JulieAzel626 imagined France with an electoral college
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
noazark made that "Citizen Kane" applause scene even better
verchad cast this cat in an exciting TV show
Iggie was happy to do the laundry
Herb Utsmelz showed us that Trump supporters are everywhere
Don_cos found a glamorous celebrity couple at the beach
Alligator made a pirate be more true to his name
Yammering_Splat_Vector had a visitor who was bearing his testimony
RedZoneTuba found out that this bear is Catholic
Yammering_Splat_Vector created a new Kitler
RedZoneTuba showed someone being sneaky with the pigskin
 
Farktography:
This was a special Farktography contest - the Farktography 12th anniversary. Congratulations and thanks for sharing with us for 12 years, Farktographers. This thread ended in a tie between orionid's "Between Tranquility and Tempest" and Elsinore's "Point of Separation."
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, June 24th: Bay Area Fark Party - Oakland Beer Trail
Wednesday, July 19th: 5th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Liberté, Equalité, Évitez la Stupidité
 
Well, it's just after eight o'clock, and time for the penguin on top of your Falkland Islands to explode. I said, it's time to explode. Aren't you going to explode?
 
Airport brawl erupts after people realize they can't leave Florida
 
We're in trouble / POTUS is crazy / We need a distraction / so Comey, maybe?
 
Anne Frank Memorial defaced with racist, anti-Semitic messages. At least that's what they told her
 
Olympic figure skater Michelle Kwan finally decides that her marriage is on thin ice
 
There is no dino, only Zuul
 
Lorde discusses the meaning of "Green Light" though she hasn't even cracked the Top 100 submitters list yet
 
Trump wants to cancel the highest-rated comedy on afternoon TV
 
Texas Instruments graphing calculators being replaced by free online math tool. Company foresees severe 535507 
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
No one cracked the 1000 club this time on the quiz. In first place we have wxboy with 937, followed by Teaser with 931 and Go'zirra with 927. Gunsmack snags 4th with 920, andKaiser Chieftess rounds out the top 5 with 915.
 
It was brought to my attention that there was an error on this quiz. The guy that started a fire to smoke out the varmint infestation in his house, and wound up burning it down, was actually trying to get rid of possums, which was not offered as a possible choice. My sincere apologies for this, I offer no excuse, it was my fault and I will work to ensure this kind of error does not happen again in the future. 
 
The hardest question on this week's quiz was over what candy Hershey had chosen to represent the state of Georgia. Only 17% of quiztakers knew that it was Honey-roasted Reese's cups. Having lived in Atlanta myself for over a decade, I kind of agree that either of the other ones would be a better representation.
 
The Easiest question on this quiz was over what establishment was being sued by the band The Eagles. 86% of quiztakers knew that a motel in Baja California, Mexico was trying to pass itself off as 'the' Hotel California, and the band was none too happy about that.
 
The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was on what a Columbian woman swallowed to hide from her husband. Inly 46% of quiztakers knew it was $7000 in cash that she had been saving in US currency. The pictures of the Benjamins after they had been removed did not make me inclined to do business with her.
 
The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over what a woman had been using for 40 years that likely contributed to her ovarian cancer. 88% of quiztakers knew that the talc in products such as Johnson & Johnson baby powder has been shown in several studies to cause problems with repeated use over the course of many years.
 
Congratulations to the winners, and we'll see you next week!
· · ·

94 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2017-05-16 12:11:06 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-05-16 12:13:25 PM  
Don't you have any left-over fark branded things to put up on eBay?
 
2017-05-16 12:14:00 PM  
Whoa, that was fast!
 
2017-05-16 12:18:09 PM  
How many Fark divorces do we have?
 
2017-05-16 12:18:17 PM  
img.fark.net

If I am the successful bid for account #1,000,000, I want it boxed up and mailed to me in Canada.
 
2017-05-16 12:19:03 PM  

Munden: Don't you have any left-over fark branded things to put up on eBay?


I'd buy that for a dollar!

and...

Fark-related question: sometimes I see a comment in a thread that's obviously a bookmark but just says "penis." Is "penis" ever counted in the "Comment Mentions"?
 
2017-05-16 12:19:04 PM  

Rev.K: [img.fark.net image 494x95]

If I am the successful bid for account #1,000,000, I want it boxed up and mailed to me in Canada.


What would the duties and taxes fall under, I wonder
 
2017-05-16 12:20:21 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

Friend had this. He had never heard of Fark
 
2017-05-16 12:21:19 PM  
I still have a T-Shirt with a headline on it.
 
2017-05-16 12:22:12 PM  
I was surprised when one of the w00tstouts showed up on tap at a local sports bar - considering I'm in Maine.

I actually enjoyed it, but it didn't last long.  Might have just been a pony
 
2017-05-16 12:22:16 PM  
Dammit, almost made the notnewsletter twice, but it seems my time atop the Quiz leader board was not to last. Ah, well, one mention will do, it's been a dry spell anyway.
 
2017-05-16 12:25:21 PM  

mama2tnt: Fark-related question: sometimes I see a comment in a thread that's obviously a bookmark but just says "penis." Is "penis" ever counted in the "Comment Mentions"?


I don't remember if I ever included it or not. Usually I do related words if it's something random and not from the news, and a bunch of sexy bits words could get us marked as spam in the emails we send out.
 
2017-05-16 12:25:53 PM  
Given how often it gets mentioned, account 1,000,000 should come with the ability to edit posts. I bet that would bump up the winning bid quite a bit.
 
2017-05-16 12:27:27 PM  
Does the winner get to decide what the account will be named?
 
2017-05-16 12:28:20 PM  

hillbillypharmacist: Does the winner get to decide what the account will be named?


I should HOPE so! Otherwise, it's not much of a prize.
 
2017-05-16 12:28:37 PM  
This is why Alcoholics Anonymous is terrible.

I've spent over half of my life gearing up for this.  I practiced stomach stretching exercises by choking down 24 cans of MWB each day for a while.  Constitution enhancing drills with Mad Dog and my buddy Carlos Rossi.  Then several years of hanging out with Russian friends in the northeastern town of Vodak.  Now finally, *finally* the thing I've been waiting, working for all this time!

And those assholes at AA ruined it all.
 
2017-05-16 12:29:37 PM  

hillbillypharmacist: Does the winner get to decide what the account will be named?


I don't know.  Can you read?  I can't.
 
2017-05-16 12:30:57 PM  

hillbillypharmacist: Does the winner get to decide what the account will be named?


Yes
 
2017-05-16 12:33:40 PM  
Hmm... I'm way overdue for a visit to San Diego. I might have to get in on this if the bidding hasn't gone nuts before I home tonight.
 
2017-05-16 12:38:21 PM  
Hm, difficult. Seems like paypal has a minimum transfer amount of 2 cents, which is at least twice as much as my highest bid is going to be.
 
2017-05-16 12:40:28 PM  
Looking at Digital Ocean, I don't see how it's cheaper for Fark to host on-site.
 
2017-05-16 12:41:57 PM  

mama2tnt: hillbillypharmacist: Does the winner get to decide what the account will be named?

I should HOPE so! Otherwise, it's not much of a prize.


Wait - You mean it's not named "OneMillion"?
 
2017-05-16 12:45:08 PM  
I would've named account one million "all the good names are gone" but I think someone already made that account
 
2017-05-16 12:46:17 PM  

Drew: hillbillypharmacist: Does the winner get to decide what the account will be named?

Yes


Can I name the account Drew?
 
2017-05-16 12:47:01 PM  
I'll be honest - I'm not going to pay attention to or participate in the auction. I don't have the time. However I am willing to help if you guys know what you need. Disks? Memory? RAID controllers? NICs? New SuperMicro chassis? Switches?

I do systems engineering/architecture and it would be easier for me to either just donate the equipment you need if I already have it or purchase it myself and have it shipped to wherever you need it.

In any event: good luck, we're all counting on you.
 
2017-05-16 12:47:02 PM  

Hyperbolic Hyperbole: I would've named account one million "all the good names are gone" but I think someone already made that account


Correct:

Login:all the good names are gone
Fark account number:263844
Account created:2005-12-24 00:33:02 (11 years ago)
 
2017-05-16 12:48:27 PM  
how about a screenname with 1 million characters in it?  something to really fark up the page layout and load times?

anything goes, right?
 
2017-05-16 12:49:03 PM  

Julius Pleaseher: I'll be honest - I'm not going to pay attention to or participate in the auction. I don't have the time. However I am willing to help if you guys know what you need. Disks? Memory? RAID controllers? NICs? New SuperMicro chassis? Switches?

I do systems engineering/architecture and it would be easier for me to either just donate the equipment you need if I already have it or purchase it myself and have it shipped to wherever you need it.

In any event: good luck, we're all counting on you.


We've got a pretty specific list in mind, hit me via email and I'll hook you up with Mike
 
2017-05-16 12:49:36 PM  

CipollinaFan: Drew: hillbillypharmacist: Does the winner get to decide what the account will be named?

Yes

Can I name the account Drew?


That would be confusing.  And probably not possible ;)
 
2017-05-16 12:57:27 PM  

Drew: CipollinaFan: Drew: hillbillypharmacist: Does the winner get to decide what the account will be named?

Yes

Can I name the account Drew?

That would be confusing.  And probably not possible ;)


Droo is perfectly cromulent
 
2017-05-16 12:58:26 PM  

kcoombs69: Given how often it gets mentioned, account 1,000,000 should come with the ability to edit posts. I bet that would bump up the winning bid quite a bit.


Not sure how I feel about that. Epic moments in Fark History may not have happened if users were able to change their comments post facto.
 
2017-05-16 12:58:34 PM  
Is someone offering their virginity?
 
2017-05-16 01:04:18 PM  

KingKauff: Drew: CipollinaFan: Drew: hillbillypharmacist: Does the winner get to decide what the account will be named?

Yes

Can I name the account Drew?

That would be confusing.  And probably not possible ;)

Droo is perfectly cromulent


The thesaurus recommend these:
attract, bring, carry, convey, cull, draft, drag, drain, educe, elicit, evoke, extract, fetch, gather, haul, hook, jerk, lug, magnetize, pick, pluck, pump, rake, siphon, tap, tow, trail, trawl, tug, wind in, wrench, yank
 
2017-05-16 01:05:05 PM  

uber humper: Is someone offering their virginity?


554,001 someones, last count.
 
2017-05-16 01:12:19 PM  
Can the account name be unfiltered obscenities?
 
2017-05-16 01:12:19 PM  

CipollinaFan: Drew: hillbillypharmacist: Does the winner get to decide what the account will be named?

Yes

Can I name the account Drew?


Would "Drew's millionth alt" work for you?
 
2017-05-16 01:17:02 PM  

UnspokenVoice: Can the account name be unfiltered obscenities?


Drew already said that "Drew" probably wasn't possible.
 
2017-05-16 01:29:08 PM  

Drew: CipollinaFan: Drew: hillbillypharmacist: Does the winner get to decide what the account will be named?

Yes

Can I name the account Drew?

That would be confusing.  And probably not possible ;)


I suppose it's safe to assume that the account holder would be expected to follow Fark's posting rules, correct?
 
2017-05-16 01:31:18 PM  
I'd buy the hell out of a FARK tshirt

/if I could still buy one
//but hey... I can get a discount on programming lessons
///so there's that
 
2017-05-16 01:33:45 PM  

Drew: CipollinaFan: Drew: hillbillypharmacist: Does the winner get to decide what the account will be named?

Yes

Can I name the account Drew?

That would be confusing.  And probably not possible ;)


How about "Google Was Right"?

/Too soon?
 
2017-05-16 01:33:55 PM  

UnspokenVoice: Can the account name be unfiltered obscenities?


Apparently the answer is "No." :(

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-05-16 01:41:27 PM  
Hmm... this auction is already too rich for my blood. Maybe I'll just buy a Hopcon ticket on my own.
 
2017-05-16 01:44:16 PM  

The Bookworm Returns: I suppose it's safe to assume that the account holder would be expected to follow Fark's posting rules, correct?


Yes.
 
2017-05-16 01:44:44 PM  
Just clear out all the alt accounts and you'll be back up to 50,000 accounts by the end of the year.
 
2017-05-16 01:45:49 PM  

bad decisions: UnspokenVoice: Can the account name be unfiltered obscenities?

Apparently the answer is "No." :(

[img.fark.net image 564x119]


I love you.
 
2017-05-16 01:47:32 PM  
Mr. Coffee Nervesexplained why social media managers should be paid handsomely *cough*


*snerk*
 
2017-05-16 01:50:28 PM  

Raddamant: bad decisions: UnspokenVoice: Can the account name be unfiltered obscenities?

Apparently the answer is "No." :(

[img.fark.net image 564x119]

I love you.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-05-16 02:22:53 PM  
met my wife in TFD
I lost count awhile ago but there are well over a thousand Fark marriages


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-05-16 02:38:32 PM  
The username password12345 is still open
 
2017-05-16 02:54:14 PM  

Julius Pleaseher: However I am willing to help if you guys know what you need. Disks? Memory? RAID controllers? NICs? New SuperMicro chassis? Switches?


tl;dr six 16-core Broadwell-EP boxes w/ 128 GB mem and small SSD's, we'd keep our one existing 12-core Ivybridge-EP and several of our old 4-core Westmere/Gulftown boxes and sell the rest of the older stuff.  But since Skylake-SP is imminent, though, and it's looking like the core counts are gonna be a lot higher, then we probably won't need six, we could get fewer systems w/ more memory for less $, but I'll know more once the CPUs and motherboards are actually on the market and what the $-per-core sweet spot works out to.  Holler then.
 
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