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Fark NotNewsletter: Why 4 out of 5 dentists recommend Fark
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-04-24 12:44:30 PM (57 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog

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1655 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Apr 2017 at 8:51 PM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:
 
We picked some winners in the Best/Weirdest thing that happened to you as a result of Fark contest.  An anonymous sponsor paid for 10 people who wrote the best entries to get TotalFark for a year - we picked 11 because we couldn't choose.   We'll be putting one in the NotNewsletter each week for the next several weeks.
 
Our third winner is Shadow Blasko, whose life was saved by the generosity of fellow Farkers.
 
-----
 
Well, there was the time *I* was the subject of a greenlit link, but that was before I was a Farker.
 
And then... there was that time Drew saved my life... by letting me beg some Farkers for help when I had a massive jaw infection, no insurance, and it was well before the days of GoFundMe.
 
I would say that had a pretty damned massive impact on my universe
 
-----
 
*PS: I take no credit for saving his life, it was you folks who did it.
 
Speaking of anonymous donors sponsoring contest, we've had another Farker step up with 10 sponsorships to give away in a contest of some kind.  If you've got any suggestions for a contest let me know.  And if you'd like to sponsor one of your own, we could probably do that as well!
 
As always, feel free to sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend! It may not seem like much but it makes a huge difference to us!
 
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
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Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Jason Chaffetz - 304
Armada - 110
Juicero - 21
Alex Jones - 212
Aaron Hernandez - 172
Erin Moran - 90
Bacon - 392
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
delysid25 shared some dark humor in response to the death of Aaron Hernandez
thecactusman17 showed Pepsi saving the day yet again
LowbrowDeluxe felt kinda bad for making a joke
WyDave had a nickname for that a-hole who killed an innocent man on Facebook Live
scottydoesntknow provided an illustration of a horrible mental picture
iron de havilland dusted off an old joke
BradysBalls shared some breaking news
Ghastly noticed how things just used to be more romantic
Diogenes felt sympathy for the predicament Alex Jones finds himself in
Private_Citizen gave an update on Aaron Hernandez
 
Smartest:
ChuckRoddy asked about a woman who was hit at a protest in Berkeley
LisaNeedsBraces reacted to the suicide of the man who murdered someone on Facebook Live
LesserEvil disagreed with a characterization of Aaron Hernandez
nekom suggested several alternatives to killing people
kbronsito discussed aggravating things that airlines do
HeathenHealer suggested Aaron Hernandez should have done things differently
Johnny Rockets wanted a killer to suffer
AntonChigger explained why California might make schools have later start times
Teufelaffe passed on some assurances about online threats
Flappyhead saw why Alex Jones has a problem
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Easter tradition
Smartest:
italie showed us photos of a new Easter tradition
Funniest: baronbloodbath had an interesting side effect after entertaining orphans
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
Action Replay Nick showed Bill O'Reilly's feelings about leaving Fox News
gopher321 said farewell to Bill O'Reilly
poonesfarm knew where to find O'Reilly now
markie_farkie noticed that a White House gathering looked familiar
JerseyTim was disappointed in Jason Chaffetz
 
Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
fruitloop found a heroic quality in Mike Pence
 
Politics Smartest:
Ow! That was my feelings! can't get used to an aspect of Donald Trump's personality
Slaxl reacted to possible evidence of Russia's interference in the U.S. election
PirateKing responded to a man who said he assaulted a woman because Trump encouraged it
Dubwise noticed some coincidental timing in Russia's election meddling
abhorrent1 answered the question, "What kind of pet should Donald Trump get?"
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Don_cos gave new meaning to the term bubble butt
RedZoneTuba showed how naval commanders keep safe
Yammering_Splat_Vector discovered the dangers of overblowing
Yammering_Splat_Vector found out where car 54 was
Iggie made this balancing feat much more impressive
#2 complicated a common childhood game
Surly U. Jest followed the instructions in this Photoshop thread's headline
Alligator helped Martin showcase his moves
ToastmasterGeneral gave this chill fellow some friends
Iggie attacked Earth
 
Farktography:
orionid won Farktography Contest No. 624: "Simply Beautiful 2" with a green crevasse
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, May 13th: Twin Cities Fark Party
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If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
· · ·

57 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2017-04-24 12:52:22 PM  
I shamelessly stole fruitloop 's joke and made it into a macro for my facebook cover photo. Crediting "farker fruitloop" in the comments is also hilariously confusing to my in-laws

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-04-24 01:04:09 PM  

dugitman: I shamelessly stole fruitloop 's joke and made it into a macro for my facebook cover photo. Crediting "farker fruitloop" in the comments is also hilariously confusing to my in-laws

[img.fark.net image 804x532]


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-04-24 01:08:15 PM  
Did I miss a newsletter somewhere?  I thought Fark was supposed to have collapsed by now.  Did funding come through?  Did Google make things right?  Were rumors of the site's demise exaggerated?

\not snark - serious question.
 
2017-04-24 01:17:00 PM  

Weidbrewer: Did I miss a newsletter somewhere?  I thought Fark was supposed to have collapsed by now.  Did funding come through?  Did Google make things right?  Were rumors of the site's demise exaggerated?

\not snark - serious question.

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-04-24 01:18:00 PM  

Weidbrewer: Did I miss a newsletter somewhere?  I thought Fark was supposed to have collapsed by now.  Did funding come through?  Did Google make things right?  Were rumors of the site's demise exaggerated?

\not snark - serious question.


The CIA is funding Fark via its Psych division to undermine the current government via links that are derogatory of Trump and cat pictures that contain subliminal messages.
 
2017-04-24 01:18:11 PM  
"*PS: I take no credit for saving his life, it was you folks who did it."

Quickly adds "Lifesaving" and "Oral Surgeon" to the Skills section of my resume.
 
2017-04-24 01:22:00 PM  
real_headhoncho:

The CIA is funding Fark via its Psych division to undermine the current government via links that are derogatory of Trump and cat pictures that contain subliminal messages.

Oh.  Well....carry on, then.
 
2017-04-24 01:22:05 PM  

dugitman: I shamelessly stole fruitloop 's joke and made it into a macro for my facebook cover photo. Crediting "farker fruitloop" in the comments is also hilariously confusing to my in-laws

[img.fark.net image 804x532]


In other news, Doug, you are about as white as it gets, too
 
2017-04-24 01:24:21 PM  

Weidbrewer: real_headhoncho:

The CIA is funding Fark via its Psych division to undermine the current government via links that are derogatory of Trump and cat pictures that contain subliminal messages.

Oh.  Well....carry on, then.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-04-24 01:24:56 PM  

brap: "*PS: I take no credit for saving his life, it was you folks who did it."

Quickly adds "Lifesaving" and "Oral Surgeon" to the Skills section of my resume.


Does oral surgeon go before or after anal surgeon?
 
2017-04-24 01:31:36 PM  

uber humper: brap: "*PS: I take no credit for saving his life, it was you folks who did it."

Quickly adds "Lifesaving" and "Oral Surgeon" to the Skills section of my resume.

Does oral surgeon go before or after anal surgeon?


If you're performing both in a row, start with oral?
 
2017-04-24 01:44:05 PM  

uber humper: dugitman: I shamelessly stole fruitloop 's joke and made it into a macro for my facebook cover photo. Crediting "farker fruitloop" in the comments is also hilariously confusing to my in-laws

[img.fark.net image 804x532]

In other news, Doug, you are about as white as it gets, too


angelforisrael.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
2017-04-24 01:47:23 PM  
CTRL + F > medal for UV

Nothing...

*sighs*

The things I do for you, Fark...
 
2017-04-24 01:57:28 PM  
Basemetal is the fifth dentist
 
2017-04-24 02:19:52 PM  

dugitman: uber humper: dugitman: I shamelessly stole fruitloop 's joke and made it into a macro for my facebook cover photo. Crediting "farker fruitloop" in the comments is also hilariously confusing to my in-laws

[img.fark.net image 804x532]

In other news, Doug, you are about as white as it gets, too

[angelforisrael.files.wordpress.com image 500x226]


¡¡¡lol!!!
 
2017-04-24 02:21:10 PM  

UnspokenVoice: CTRL + F > medal for UV

Nothing...

*sighs*

The things I do for you, Fark...


Maybe there's a magic nipple ban
 
2017-04-24 02:35:17 PM  

brap: "*PS: I take no credit for saving his life, it was you folks who did it."

Quickly adds "Lifesaving" and "Oral Surgeon" to the Skills section of my resume.


You never go ass to mouth.
 
2017-04-24 02:51:57 PM  

loonatic112358: Basemetal is the fifth dentist


Leeloo is the fifth element

typeset-beta.imgix.netView Full Size
 
2017-04-24 02:52:17 PM  

loonatic112358: UnspokenVoice: CTRL + F > medal for UV

Nothing...

*sighs*

The things I do for you, Fark...

Maybe there's a magic nipple ban


They can't ban the magic nipple. Male nipples are allowed. I checked! (It's a horrible rule, and I must mock it. Mostly, because I care.)

Raddamant and I are getting medals. We haven't gotten our medals, speech, or parade. I'm pretty patient, but it has been like two weeks and I really want to dress like a drum majorette and lead the band in the parade.
 
2017-04-24 02:53:40 PM  

uber humper: loonatic112358: Basemetal is the fifth dentist

Leeloo is the fifth element

[typeset-beta.imgix.net image 347x195]


The things I would do to her... Assuming she were willing, of course.

It'd probably be about the best 43 seconds of her life.
 
2017-04-24 02:59:38 PM  

UnspokenVoice: uber humper: loonatic112358: Basemetal is the fifth dentist

Leeloo is the fifth element

[typeset-beta.imgix.net image 347x195]

The things I would do to her... Assuming she were willing, of course.

It'd probably be about the best 43 seconds of her life.


I was just daydreaming about that, too.
 
2017-04-24 03:05:39 PM  

UnspokenVoice: loonatic112358: UnspokenVoice: CTRL + F > medal for UV

Nothing...

*sighs*

The things I do for you, Fark...

Maybe there's a magic nipple ban

They can't ban the magic nipple. Male nipples are allowed. I checked! (It's a horrible rule, and I must mock it. Mostly, because I care.)

Raddamant and I are getting medals. We haven't gotten our medals, speech, or parade. I'm pretty patient, but it has been like two weeks and I really want to dress like a drum majorette and lead the band in the parade.


Will you spin a fire baton?
 
2017-04-24 03:07:25 PM  

UnspokenVoice: We haven't gotten our medals


Says "Cry me a river:"
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.comView Full Size

(Granted he said it in Shyriiwook)
 
2017-04-24 03:13:39 PM  
While we're discussing male nipples

I just want to point out that fact that is a brilliant tattoo

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-04-24 03:22:36 PM  

Hyperbolic Hyperbole: While we're discussing male nipples

I just want to point out that fact that is a brilliant tattoo

[img.fark.net image 236x312]


I'm pretty sure she identifies as a woman so this is verboten.
 
2017-04-24 03:36:59 PM  

hawaiijenno: Will you spin a fire baton?


Damned right. I'm gonna be the best drum majorette this world has ever seen! I'll probably get a medal for that, too.


LucklessWonder: UnspokenVoice: We haven't gotten our medals

Says "Cry me a river:"
[s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com image 500x324]
(Granted he said it in Shyriiwook)


I'm not sure where he'd pin a medal.
 
2017-04-24 03:40:46 PM  
I still haven't worked on my acceptance speech, but my nipples are always ready.
 
2017-04-24 04:10:18 PM  

Raddamant: I still haven't worked on my acceptance speech, but my nipples are always ready.


You can always just wing it. Maybe talk in tongues and hope for the best?
 
2017-04-24 04:48:28 PM  

UnspokenVoice: Raddamant: I still haven't worked on my acceptance speech, but my nipples are always ready.

You can always just wing it. Maybe talk in tongues and hope for the best?


Hopefully I'll have time to further develop my own language that I'm calling Raddlish. If not, my speech is basically going to be a Rammstein concert with rockets
 
2017-04-24 05:48:37 PM  

Raddamant: UnspokenVoice: Raddamant: I still haven't worked on my acceptance speech, but my nipples are always ready.

You can always just wing it. Maybe talk in tongues and hope for the best?

Hopefully I'll have time to further develop my own language that I'm calling Raddlish. If not, my speech is basically going to be a Rammstein concert with rockets


I plan on maintaining an air of utmost seriousness, for this is serious business. I will also use it as a jumping off point in order to get my cult underway.
 
2017-04-24 08:33:43 PM  
That's only 80 percent of dentists.
 
2017-04-24 08:50:34 PM  
Internet dentists?
 
2017-04-24 08:54:44 PM  

Raddamant: I still haven't worked on my acceptance speech, but my nipples are always ready.


i2.kym-cdn.comView Full Size
 
2017-04-24 09:20:45 PM  

UnspokenVoice: Raddamant: UnspokenVoice: Raddamant: I still haven't worked on my acceptance speech, but my nipples are always ready.

You can always just wing it. Maybe talk in tongues and hope for the best?

Hopefully I'll have time to further develop my own language that I'm calling Raddlish. If not, my speech is basically going to be a Rammstein concert with rockets

I plan on maintaining an air of utmost seriousness, for this is serious business. I will also use it as a jumping off point in order to get my cult underway.


Since when is Rammstein anything but serious?? Sure, they lack bagpipes, but it's important to leave people wanting more.


Victoly: Raddamant: I still haven't worked on my acceptance speech, but my nipples are always ready.

[i2.kym-cdn.com image 250x365]


My hair is much longer.
 
2017-04-24 09:39:18 PM  

Raddamant: Since when is Rammstein anything but serious?? Sure, they lack bagpipes, but it's important to leave people wanting more.


Fire-breathing Bagpipes is my new all-bagpipe Kenny G cover band.
 
2017-04-24 09:53:01 PM  

UnspokenVoice: Raddamant: Since when is Rammstein anything but serious?? Sure, they lack bagpipes, but it's important to leave people wanting more.

Fire-breathing Bagpipes is my new all-bagpipe Kenny G cover band.


And they say you can't improve the classics. Pfft.
 
2017-04-24 10:19:37 PM  

Raddamant: And they say you can't improve the classics. Pfft.


Right?

Did you smash any good mud, today?
 
2017-04-24 10:38:49 PM  

UnspokenVoice: Raddamant: And they say you can't improve the classics. Pfft.

Right?

Did you smash any good mud, today?


No, but the bike is still suffering from the last go around, and I even washed it under a city park hydrant during a thunderstorm at the end of that ride (in 4.5 years and thousands of miles, I have never, ever done that). Today I spent 30 minutes chiseling dirt from inside the cassette, 15 minutes re-re-lubing, and then a mile into the ride another 30 minutes trying to dry out a patch for the front tube (note to self: patches now go in a ziplock bag inside the frame bag). Honestly, I'm shocked that the drivetrain is still working at all, especially after the last trail side "repair." I won't waste time trying to adjust it properly, but this is where thumb shifters really shine (the indexes are suggestions rather than rules).

Did you see my friend's new tractors?
 
2017-04-24 11:07:01 PM  

Raddamant: Did you see my friend's new tractors?


NO!
 
2017-04-24 11:40:00 PM  

UnspokenVoice: Raddamant: Did you see my friend's new tractors?

NO!


Didn't think so. I paged you here (sorry/not sorry, non TFers- it's too awesome for Main page)
 
2017-04-24 11:47:42 PM  
media.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2017-04-24 11:48:51 PM  

Raddamant: UnspokenVoice: Raddamant: Did you see my friend's new tractors?

NO!

Didn't think so. I paged you here (sorry/not sorry, non TFers- it's too awesome for Main page)


Ah... I fell asleep and didn't bother to open that thread today. I shall look. I love me some tractors!
 
2017-04-25 12:00:21 AM  

UnspokenVoice: Raddamant: UnspokenVoice: Raddamant: Did you see my friend's new tractors?

NO!

Didn't think so. I paged you here (sorry/not sorry, non TFers- it's too awesome for Main page)

Ah... I fell asleep and didn't bother to open that thread today. I shall look. I love me some tractors!


Both of those things are slightly alarming. I'm telling you, it's time for winter to be over. It'll do you good. As your therapist, this is my professional thought thingy
 
2017-04-25 12:36:26 AM  

Raddamant: UnspokenVoice: Raddamant: UnspokenVoice: Raddamant: Did you see my friend's new tractors?

NO!

Didn't think so. I paged you here (sorry/not sorry, non TFers- it's too awesome for Main page)

Ah... I fell asleep and didn't bother to open that thread today. I shall look. I love me some tractors!

Both of those things are slightly alarming. I'm telling you, it's time for winter to be over. It'll do you good. As your therapist, this is my professional thought thingy


I'm pretty sure it's not alarming to love tractors. Tractor love is natural love. From baby tractors to adult tractors, I love 'em all.
 
2017-04-25 01:55:12 AM  

UnspokenVoice: Raddamant: UnspokenVoice: Raddamant: UnspokenVoice: Raddamant: Did you see my friend's new tractors?

NO!

Didn't think so. I paged you here (sorry/not sorry, non TFers- it's too awesome for Main page)

Ah... I fell asleep and didn't bother to open that thread today. I shall look. I love me some tractors!

Both of those things are slightly alarming. I'm telling you, it's time for winter to be over. It'll do you good. As your therapist, this is my professional thought thingy

I'm pretty sure it's not alarming to love tractors. Tractor love is natural love. From baby tractors to adult tractors, I love 'em all.


You know my stance on tractors. No, the two alarming events are you falling asleep so early and then not checking back. What's next, you send an apology fruit basket to that one orphanage in Burma?
 
2017-04-25 02:15:50 AM  

Raddamant: You know my stance on tractors. No, the two alarming events are you falling asleep so early and then not checking back. What's next, you send an apology fruit basket to that one orphanage in Burma?


I got distracted. I had things to do. Not important things, no. But, still, they were things and I did them. I also got exceedingly high, at one point. I then kinda stayed that way, throughout the day, 'cause it's pretty horrible outside.

I can see my lawn. Right? Yeah... I haven't had snow for weeks. I can't even go fishing. I can't go tractor'in. I can't go snowmobiling. I can't go 4 wheeling 'cause I'd mess up the trails as they're a mix of mud and snow.

I can make syrup. That's about it. Syrup involves stomping through the still-snowy woods, but not good snow, and checking lines that always seem to clog up. It then involves waiting for the dumb sap to boil. This is not exciting. This can not be made exciting, even with drugs and alcohol.

Well, you can make it exciting but it's going to make people angry. I mean pissed, too. They are not gonna invite you back to make more maple candy, no. No, they're going to shun you and you'll be banned from the cult of maple syrup makers - all of them.

That would be terrible, by the way.

As for Burma? They can f*ck right off. They're not getting a fruit basket. I'm not even gonna replace the orphanage, either. Those kids should have known better than to bet against me in a game of pool. I won, fair and square. I even played by the rules. F*ck 'em. It's mine.
 
2017-04-25 02:32:43 AM  

UnspokenVoice: Well, you can make it exciting but it's going to make people angry. I mean pissed, too. They are not gonna invite you back to make more maple candy, no. No, they're going to shun you and you'll be banned from the cult of maple syrup makers - all of them.


This sounds like a plus to me. Then again, I am not at all food motivated. Around here, you just hop on the gravels and Level B roads during wet shoulder seasons.  Yeah, you'll mess them up, but they're going to get messed up regardless. Hell, next rain straightens them out well enough even before the county gets a grader on them
 
2017-04-25 02:40:31 AM  

Raddamant: This sounds like a plus to me. Then again, I am not at all food motivated. Around here, you just hop on the gravels and Level B roads during wet shoulder seasons.  Yeah, you'll mess them up, but they're going to get messed up regardless. Hell, next rain straightens them out well enough even before the county gets a grader on them


Yeah, I'm in the mountains where I get significant quantities of snow. They're a healthy mix between snow and mud and not at all level.
 
2017-04-25 02:50:03 AM  

UnspokenVoice: Raddamant: This sounds like a plus to me. Then again, I am not at all food motivated. Around here, you just hop on the gravels and Level B roads during wet shoulder seasons.  Yeah, you'll mess them up, but they're going to get messed up regardless. Hell, next rain straightens them out well enough even before the county gets a grader on them

Yeah, I'm in the mountains where I get significant quantities of snow. They're a healthy mix between snow and mud and not at all level.


You need, NEED to visit when the frost is coming out of the roads. We may not have mountains, but the road conditions change every 100 feet or so. Finding that balance of speed and gears between out-of-control/not able to stop/maneuver if another vehicle crests the hill and having enough wheelspin/momentum to make it over the hill is sexually rewarding
 
2017-04-25 03:10:45 AM  

Raddamant: You need, NEED to visit when the frost is coming out of the roads. We may not have mountains, but the road conditions change every 100 feet or so. Finding that balance of speed and gears between out-of-control/not able to stop/maneuver if another vehicle crests the hill and having enough wheelspin/momentum to make it over the hill is sexually rewarding


Yeah, I live in frost-heave country. I can relate, but haven't been on yours. You gotta keep in mind, I don't have county roads. I don't have town roads. If we want a road graded, we either pay someone to do it or we buy the equipment and do it ourselves.

I do not own a grader. I own stuff that does the damage that needs a grader to fix it. I kinda need a grader. I'm pretty sure I could get something for my tractor. Other than that, it's mostly on private property. If I f*ck it up, I have to fix it.

There's a few places where we don't care and someone will be fixing it anyhow. However, they've still got snow on 'em and you really, really don't want to drive through them yet. It's gonna be a minute. I will come pull you out but I'm going to make fun of you, the whole ride out to get you.

Maybe not you, personally. However, getting stuck is the probable outcome - with anything street legal. Half the roads are still posted, once you get into town-owned roads. So, you can't even bring anything big on 'em. The official State trails are closed down. I can not go more than 500' on Rt. 16, legally, with an ATV.

They don't care, but they could get mad at me and give me a fine. If I do it enough times, or fast enough, they'll threaten me with jail but it's still really just a fine and eventual loss of driving privileges.

In the winter, I'll tear down it in my snowmobile. I don't care. If the blues come on (they won't) then I'm just going to slow down, give the cop the finger, and then make him chase me. He's not going to catch me. He's not even going to stop me. We drive down the street, all the damned time. F*ck 'em. It's against the law but we do it anyhow.

Trivially related, I kinda want to take a snowmobile down I-95. I'm pretty sure I can get away with it.
 
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