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De-escalation, foul pole defacing, and how Ford rolls. These are YOUR Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-03-26 to Sat 2017-04-01
Posted by ox45tallboy at 2017-04-03 11:32:01 AM (3 comments) | Permalink
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1620 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Apr 2017 at 11:52 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Welcome back for another edition of Fark's Headlines of the Week, where bring you some of Fark's best, funniest, and downright weirdest headlines from the past week. We've got another great crop for you this week, with several excellent context headlines (meaning the joke isn't apparent until you click on the article) at least a few of which we'll probably be seeing in the Headline of the Year contest. As always, a reminder that if you see one you like this week, click on that thumbs-up button in the comment thread header, and you might see it here next week.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-03-26 to Sat 2017-04-01:  On this day in 1953, Jonas Salk announces the polio vaccine, eventually saving millions of lives, but still leaving anti-vax-ers paralyzed  Well, that de-escalated quickly  It appears a certain Orange Man may be in line for felony conspiracy charges  Mexico governor says Chihuahua too weak to fight cartels. No kidding, I mean look how tiny and frail those things are. Maybe try a pit bull instead?  Siberia's permafrost keeps exploding despite repeated attempts to blame it on the dog  Gentlemen of Fark, do you dare? The stakes were raised by this slatted chair  'Arsenal' seized in home of alleged Bloods gang member. What the heck are they doing in Newark? They've got Manchester City coming up this Sunday  Flynn offers to testify in exchange for immunity, Jeff Bridges giving him back that arcade  Looks like Sherman's back  Georgia governor declares a state of emergency as Atlanta traffic becomes slightly worse  He was just a young driver, just out on his second job

Sports:  82-year-old Bud Selig to throw out the first pitch at the Brewers opening game. PED testing standing by just in case he manages to throw the ball all the way to home plate  NBC (commercial break) will (tragic backstory of athlete) broadcast (plug for NBC shows) the (history of host country) Olympics (talking over opening ceremonies) live (you already know what happened) next (edited, tape delayed events) year  Local Red Sox fan caught defacing the newly restored "Pesky Pole" at Fenway Park

Geek:  First they came for Pluto, but I said nothing  According to scientists, Groot's not the only tree that can talk. Some can bark. Others use tree-mail  As it turns out, we don't know a lot about whale vaginas, because scientists are all about the male bits. What a bunch of dorks

Entertainment:  Drawing inspiration from HBO shows like "The Sopranos" and "The Wire", Hulu makes its own period drama, with blackjack and hookers. Well, hookers anyway  Joss Whedon returns to what he knows best- teenage girls who know karate and have a weird thing for bats  Could O.J. Simpson go from inmate to reality TV star? Industry insiders say somebody might want to take a stab at it

Politics:  The leopards that eat your face are multiplying  This is bad news... for a llama  I'm sure he had his treasons

Business:  Not content to have their phones burst into flames, Samsung has added the feature to their stores as well  Blockbuster drugs are dead, but back in the day they were the only way to enjoy movies made in the 90s  Ford recalls trucks with faulty PARK transmission settings, because that's the way they roll
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3 Comments     (+0 »)
2017-04-03 12:09:05 PM  
If Harry Chapin doesn't make the rounds again in the fall, it will be a travesty.
2017-04-03 12:12:50 PM  

Highroller48: If Harry Chapin doesn't make the rounds again in the fall, it will be a travesty.

Er, is this about bananas or spoons?
2017-04-03 12:23:32 PM  

SansNeural: Highroller48: If Harry Chapin doesn't make the rounds again in the fall, it will be a travesty.

Er, is this about bananas or spoons?

I love bananas! Only eat them with spoons when cut up in yogurt or cereal.
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