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Richard Simmon's custody situation, Time crystals, and the Statue of Liberty's metaphoric redesign. These are YOUR Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-03-05 to Sat 2017-03-11
Posted by ox45tallboy at 2017-03-13 1:54:13 PM (5 comments) | Permalink
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2341 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Mar 2017 at 4:50 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Welcome back to another edition of Fark's Headlines of the Week. Each week we choose the highest-voted headlines and offer them up here so you cab check out any you missed. Once again, don't forget to vote through the week if you see something funny, and you might see it here next week.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-03-05 to Sat 2017-03-11:  Always after me lucky charms. Well this is the story of a bloke that was not so lucky  Mailman caught in the lab  Jackson Hole ski instructor impales face with branch. With 'you bet he's got wood' pic  Statue of Liberty undergoes metaphor renovation  Woman demanded to be injected with heroin or meth during labor, police say. Every woman who's ever given birth says 'That was an option?'  Today is "National Fark Redesign Day"  Rep. Maxine Waters: "We know" Trump sex blackmail is "absolutely true." Which is such a coincidence because Max Waters was the name of one of his Russian prostitutes  $4.5 million worth of eyeshadow stolen from San Fernando Valley warehouse. Suspects include Green Day, KISS and every single Kardashian  Man who says "I'm hungry" robs blood bank. Police arm themselves with silver crosses, garlic, and wooden stakes  Despite all the dildos, they failed to get off  Florist boss shot after dropping child off at daycare. Probably an arranged killing  Studies say cerTain animals achievE their tArgets through indireKt methods

Sports:  The New York Knicks opted not to play any music, video or entertainment over the first half of Sunday's game so fans could "experience the game in its purest form." Unfortunately the experiment failed, as fans were still watching the New York Knicks  Nike unveils Pro Hijab for Muslim female athletes. No plans yet for Catholic clothing, but if the Pro Hijab catches on, they could make it a habit  Kirk Cousins wants to escape the other dumpster fire in Washington DC

Geek:  New NASA satellite can predict lightning strikes, offering the promise of saving millions of clock towers and powering flux capacitors worldwide  Time crystals observed by scientists for the first time They are described as having 16 corners, 96 hours and 4-simultaneous 24-hour Days within a single rotation of Earth  Study suggests that some Neanderthals were vegetarians. Researchers say they ascertained this based on the discovery of ancient teeth, crude Birkenstocks and a black velvet PETA poster

Entertainment:  Is Richard Simmons being held in a fitness protection program?  Robert Blake takes another shot at marriage  Times Square Chewbacca sues over false arrest. NYPD says it was some sort of wookie mistake

Politics:  Today is the day when all patriotic Americans will show President Trump all the respect he deserves  This timeline of how Trumpcare went from fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies to putrid shiatbiscuits in just 24 hours is a perfect example of how the Trump administration is running like a well-oiled Charlie Sheen  Man: "I've yet to read anything positive about this healthcare bill." Woman: "Try going 2 a conservative source and open up your reading habits." Man: "I'm the editor of National Review Online"

Business:  The Hula-Hoop was patented this day in 1963. Take one out for a spin, if you're hip  Wine-infused coffee. For when you need to get up for work, and want to forget where you are once you get there  Dick's gives its vendors the shaft
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5 Comments     (+0 »)
2017-03-13 04:52:39 PM  

2017-03-13 04:56:05 PM  
I really like that Pro Hijab headline.
2017-03-13 04:59:23 PM  
Are they giving old Liberty a rifle and a Bible to clutch instead of the Torch of Freedom and the Tablet of Law and Justice?

Good. Rule of law rather than munckins is out of fashion. Liberty is having nothing left to lose except of course other people's liberties.
2017-03-13 05:02:13 PM  
Not only is Richard Simmons not being held prisoner, but Nancy Pelosi  has not been arrested for calling for the assassination of the Trumper-Pumper. it was some of that Fake News that is going around. Not Republican Fake News. Fake News for Republicans.
2017-03-13 06:02:46 PM  
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