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Your abilities on Abilify, clothed captains on YouTube, and Mick Jagger's autobiiiergrrrrrrrp. These are YOUR Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-02-12 to Sat 2017-02-18
Posted by ox45tallboy at 2017-02-20 8:39:44 AM (6 comments) | Permalink
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1562 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Feb 2017 at 9:30 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Welcome back for another edition of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week. Here we present the best and funniest headlines submitted for the week, and then drink tea with our pinkies sticking out. These headlines all come from your votes, so if you see one this week that you like, hit the thumbs up button in the header. Many squirrels were sacrificed to make that button. Don't let it go to waste.

Also, since no one reads this blurb anymore, Tiny Trump is my favorite meme of the week.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-02-12 to Sat 2017-02-18:  Militarily aggressive country with unstable, belligerent leader successfully test fires an intercontinental ballistic missile  Donald Trump spreads debunked story about Sanders. Apparently, he's not a Colonel after all  Trial starts for woman who chainsawed lover to death during sex, having apparently read a misprint of "Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way"  Russian Ambassador to the White House resigns  This day in 1779, Patriots win just outside Atlanta with an overwhelming ground game  Man turns himself in for bestiality charges, because the evidence against him was mounting  Expert fortune cookie writer quits due to "writer's block" in bed  Harrison Ford to air traffic control: "Everything is perfectly alright now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?"  Late Little Caesars founder Mike Ilitch paid Rosa Parks' rent for up to a decade after she was burglarized. If only Papa John were half the man he was  Abilify drug blamed for compulsive gambling, eating, shopping and sex. Sounds like it lived up to its name  Google reports over 1 billion YouTube videos now have closed captions, generated by computer is grains and that allows a sense in its ability to understand the united daily work, selects of closing time tracker  Orlando man accused of plotting to blow up stores in stock manipulation scheme. To be fair, they DO have a giant Target on them

Sports:  Pelicans' Buddy Hield grabs Kings' DeMarcus Cousins by groin, gets ejected. Most painful sack of the year  21 years ago today, Bill Belichick was fired as coach of the Cleveland Browns. Since then, he's won five Super Bowls while the Browns have had two winning seasons  Patriots fan has Tom Brady's face tattooed on his ass. Eagerly awaits having his balls deflated

Geek:  New battery runs on seawater. Initial tests have been overwhelmingly positive  Massive lake of molten carbon the size of Mexico discovered under the US, Trump promises to build a floor  Deforestation in Brazil has increased 30% in the past 12 months. It would have been even more but apparently they decided to leave a landing strip

Entertainment:  Turns out the articles weren't all that great  Holy sugartits Batman, Mel Gibson is in talks to direct Suicide Squad 2  Mick Jagger wrote a 75,000 word autobiography in the 1980s, and if you're wondering what's in it, so is he

Politics:  Trump appoints an art historian to the National Security Council because nobody told him those Dan Brown books were fiction  This actually is Trump's Katrina (No, not wife #4)  Look this Mike Flynn scandal is all just a big innocent misunderstanding: When General Flynn saw a note on his desk from Trump reading "VP is demanding you call the Russian Ambassador today" He just ASSUMED that meant Pence and know

Business:  Oregon looks to fund education budget with a proposed coffee tax. Starbucks customers immediately protest over taxation without caffeination  Avon is no longer calling  NFL and CBS discuss ways to make games shorter. Atlanta Falcons immediately suggest ending their games after the first half
· · ·

6 Comments     (+0 »)
2017-02-20 08:52:47 AM  
ok, missed again.
Sometime during my almost 1000 headlines, I will get one.
2017-02-20 12:28:25 PM  

I also drink ...well... *everything* with my pinkie sticking out. :P
2017-02-20 02:45:41 PM  
No, they are your headlines of the week, since you choose them.
2017-02-20 07:22:07 PM  
I heard ability rules.
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2017-02-20 08:15:28 PM  
These are not my headlines of the week. I didn't vote for them. I think the Russians meddled in the mods.
2017-02-21 05:36:13 PM  
Rule 232: It always sounds better in your head.
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