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Sweden's new wind speed record, Trump's new drapes, and Magnum PI's mustache rides. These are YOUR Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-01-15 to Sat 2017-01-21
Posted by ox45tallboy at 2017-01-23 12:05:26 PM (0 comments) | Permalink
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1 click; posted to Main » on 23 Jan 2017 at 12:45 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Greetings, salutations, and all that jazz, we're here for more of the best of Fark's favorite headlines of the past week. Remember that you can make a headline show up here by showing it some love with the thumbs-up button at the top. Also, since no one reads this blurb anymore, I'll just say that koi do not make great aquarium fish unless you have a really, really big aquarium.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-01-15 to Sat 2017-01-21:  I guess it does look better shaved  That Maserati doing 185, slid into a pond and no more will it drive  Brain behind killing Pinky to be evaluated for mental competency  Zenon wasn't inert when he picked up his 14th DUI arrest  Anything can be beautiful if seen at a sufficient distance, and for Detroit that distance turns out to be low Earth orbit  Sweden sets new record for wind speed, clocking in at 106.93 miles per hour or 394 börks per lutefisk  El Chapo Guzman arrives in New York, is immediately picked as director of the Federal Bureau of Prisons  She probably thought, "I can't believe no one ever thought to do this before"  Trump's Android phone confiscated by the Secret Service, replaced with ultra-secure phone-shaped rubber squeak dog toy. Let's see if anyone notices  Lobster blood could help treat warts, control shingles outbreaks, summon Cthulhu  Alt-right hook  ACA will be allowed to wither and die much like the Americans that need it

Sports:  Trump sends Woody Johnson to the UK. Aren't those things usually made of plastic?  Former N.Y. Jet Mark Gastineau: I have Parkinson's Disease and Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Parkinson's Disease  Mascot sues Chargers and the NFL for violating anti-trust laws, basic rules of logo design

Geek:  The cake is a IIe  Check out New Zealand's national network of bone banks, or as they're called in America, your mom  NASA announces it will let the public decide where to point the Jupiter probe camera, quickly adding 'Uranus is not an option'

Entertainment:  Chelsea Handler blames Kardashians for Trump's election, continued annexation of Bajor and the Setlik III massacre  Magnum's iconic red Ferrari to be sold. Iconic mustache rides still extra  Dogs no longer have a purpose. Cats have been saying this for years

Politics:  Monica Crowley out of Trump administration after discovery of extensive plagiarism in her past  Monica Crowley out of Trump administration after discovery of extensive plagiarism in her past  At last count, the number of Goldman Sachs executives in Trump's administration is up to six, or a Goldman Shower if you will  Trump to be sworn in with two Bibles, one for each Corinthian  Trump's drapes now match his rug

Business:  Soup at Whole Foods recalled for mislabeling, which presumably caused it to be accidentally sold at normal prices  Ohio's first 2000 ballots cast for 2020 election  Oracle to buy Apiary, apparently to cover your data in bees
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