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Tom Brady's sleeping habits, Monica Crowley's plagiarism, and one stretchy condom scandal. These are YOUR Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-01-08 to Sat 2017-01-14
Posted by ox45tallboy at 2017-01-17 8:28:31 AM (0 comments) | Permalink
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1794 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jan 2017 at 10:08 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Welcome to another outstanding edition of Fark's Headlines of the Week, where we go over Fark's wittiest, funniest, and all-around most entertaining headlines. As always, a reminder that these headlines come directly from your voting, so give subby some props by hitting those buttons when you see something you like. And since no one reads this blurb anymore, I'll just say how the hell do you tell when sour cream goes bad? This stuff's a month out of date but it looks and smells exactly the same as the day I bought it. I mean, if it had green stuff growing in it, or it smelled like something other than the spoiled milk it's made from, I would know. But it doesn't. And this worries me.

For the first time, we actually have a Publicity headline that made the cut. Actually, not just one, but two. Fark's public disagreement with Google has definitely proved popular among our users. Look for HoTW to be back in its regular spot on Monday next week.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-01-08 to Sat 2017-01-14:  Man shot in laundromat fight. Let's see how agitators in the media try to spin this one in the next news cycle  Don't tweet me, 'bro'  After you open a bottle of red wine, it's okay to store it in the refrigerator. Although why anybody would put an empty bottle of wine in the fridge is beyond me  Large mudslide blocks Interstate 80 near Truckee. No word on status of carees, vanees, and pickupees  Dylann Roof receives death penalty, or the more fashionable term, "alt-life"  Retirement home for prostitutes helps them get back on their feet  "Knights of Malta condom scandal stretches from Myanmar to the Vatican." That's some impressive elasticity  To save cyclists, councilor wants motorists to start using the "Dutch reach", which involves opening the car door using the opposite hand from the side of the door. Having your friend hold your forearm while you do it is totally optional  "Das Boot"  Fish fraud running rampant in LA; CHiPS called in to investigate  More victims come forward to accuse Google of grabbing them by the ad revenue - Boing Boing and Skepchick  Employee shot in Nebraska Furniture Mart parking lot. Police quickly gave chaise

Sports:  Olympic infrastructure in Rio is about as useful after the games as Russian anti-doping agency is before the games  Cubs choose to come to Obama's White House instead of having Trump shower them with praise  Support for Barry Bonds being elected into the Baseball Hall of Fame is moving the needle

Geek:  Samsung Galaxy S8 to launch in April, presumably under its own power  Scientists tie tight, tiny knot. He who unravels it shall be King of Phrygia  So what's the evolutionary advantage of CRISPR anyway, aside from keeping your lettuce fresh?

Publicity:  Perhaps its time to talk about the immense power Google has to destroy whomever they wish  Fark v Google goes public. Well, a geeky public so far

Entertainment:  Is Aaron Burr gonna hafta choke a biatch?  Nine greatest Hollywood beards, not including Katie Holmes or Kelly Preston  Life, uh... finds a way

Politics:  House Oversight Committee Chairman Jason Chaffetz says he "won't be a cheerleader for Donald Trump." Mostly because he's seen how Donald Trump reacts to anyone who is dressed like a cheerleader  Trump aide Monica Crowley has plagiarized from so many sources that this headline will probably appear in her next book  C-SPAN was replaced with Russia Today for about 10 minutes, as they prepare for the full switch on January 20th

Business:  Marijuana sales rose 30% in 2016 and are only expected to get higher  Under Armor launches Tom Brady line of pajamas aimed at people who still believe that an NFL quarterback who is married to a supermodel goes to bed every night wearing pajamas  Insurance company won't pay for family's car repair after a 4,000 pound cactus fell on top of it. What pricks
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