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Less toupee at some hotels, an almost-cameo by the Russian women's track team, and police on the lookout for a snickering dog: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 10/23 - 10/29
Posted by Unfreakable at 2016-10-31 8:30:52 AM (1 comment) | Permalink

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1235 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Oct 2016 at 8:31 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Happy Halloween, everybody! Hope a few of these headlines get you smiling like a flickering jack-o-lantern.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2016-10-23 to Sat 2016-10-29:  Bodies of missing duck hunters recovered from lake. Police reportedly on lookout for snickering dog  Chick Tracts now being subjected to empirical testing  Surfer bitten at beach says shark 'came out of nowhere.' Investigators suspect the ocean  Man steals Torah scrolls valued at $200,000 from Brooklyn synagogue. Suspect described as a cleric with +85 spell power  Study announces breakthrough in care of children with autism. Which is good, because not everybody can afford to hire a ridiculous team of Scorpion supergeniuses to overthink simple problems every week  ♫ All we need is music, sweet music / There'll be music everywhere / There'll be people singing, my dick swinging / Dancing in the street ♪  Italy getting set to jail another batch of seismologists  I want my... I want my... I want my Trump TV. I want my... I want my... I want my derp for free  Delta releases new app to track your luggage, letting you see in real-time when it falls off the cart, gets run over by the catering truck, wins second place in the bag handler's free-throw competition, and finally arrives in Antarctica  Rare Hebrew papyrus from the 7th century B.C. seized from looters in Israel. Library in charge of the document readies bill of $12 million for being 2700 years overdue  Bundy acquittal so ridiculous even his own attorney is stunned. By U.S. Marshals

Sports:  Scottie Pippen butchers Take Me Out to the Ballgame, anxiously looks around for Michael Jordan to bail him out  Larry Csonka sees great possibilities with the Dolphins' new "retro" running offense, though he worries it won't be enough to stand up against Sartoris and Zap Rowsdower  ESPN: the worldwide leader in subscriber cancellations

Geek:  Swiss doctors successfully use nose cartilage to repair bad knees. That means the entire NFL season could be saved with the cooperation of Adrien Brody and Owen Wilson  Astronomers discover "binary binary" stellar system, which puts them on the hunt now for tribinary and quadribinary systems, and if Gillette gets involved, quintibinary stellar systems  What has 414 legs and four penises? No, not the Russian women's track team

Entertainment:  But it's too late..... he's seen everything  The first one  Netflix cutting its labor costs of next season's JESSICA JONES production by 20%

Politics:  How does Team Trump prepare for debates? By keeping their nose to the grindstone with some hands-on outreach to 18-25 year old female swing voters  Donald Trump to rally in Sanford, finally finding a place where big dummies are welcome  Mike Pence involved in something he wishes had been aborted

Business:  Inspired by complaints from cleaning staff about too much hair in the drains, hotel offers instant per-night discounts at front desk for balding guests. That's right, less toupee  Google Express launches home delivery service in Tennessee, certain to keep residents stocked up on essentials like home pregnancy tests, whisky, dentures  Soylent to introduce new recipe because old recipe was causing stomach problems. Pretty sure we know what the new ingredient will be
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1 Comment     (+0 »)
2016-10-31 02:42:55 PM  
Less toupee at some hotels?

I did not see that one. But it is one heck of a great Donald Trump joke. Belated Kudos to the Subby. You caught the one that got away!

AKA Scion of the Devil. Imp of Satan., Son of a Inbed Pedigreed Collie Biatchb with a brain case norrower than Ann Coulter, and so forth.

Like Allah he has 99 Names. Unlike Allah, it is safe to print very few of them.
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