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Man who destroyed Merrimack home to wear a Monitor, a penny lane change, and John Hinckley Jr. promises not to shoot Reagan again: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/4 - 9/10
Posted by Unfreakable at 2016-09-12 8:56:01 AM (7 comments) | Permalink

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1144 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Sep 2016 at 9:03 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Good morning and happy Monday, everybody. Enjoy the headlines!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2016-09-04 to Sat 2016-09-10:  Los Angeles now has the tallest building in the west. Until the next earthquake when it will be the longest building in the west  Batman vs. Superman cake-kicker arraigned in previous ice cream parlor assault. Unknown if she'll be sent into The Phantom Zone or committed to Arkham Asylum  China plans massive sea lab 10,000 feet underwater, presumably to battle Galactor with Dr. Nambu and the Science Ninja Team  Nashville held its annual National Beard and Moustache Championships this past weekend. Top prize included a tube of Brylcreem, a one-way ticket to Brooklyn, and a copy of the Village Voice  Australian beachgoer finds one 130 million year old dinosaur footprint in the sand, because it was then that dinosaur Jesus carried you  Intoxicated man destroys Merrimack home during angry rampage, now must wear a Monitor  Lane change in Delaware causes traffic delays  Google's parent company Alphabet is testing drones that will be equipped with payloads of biological weapons  Parents upset that indoor playground of forced fun and poorly cloaked desperation to open next to indoor playground of forced fun and poorly cloaked desperation  That's an unusual name for a Superhero  John Hinckley Jr released after 35 years in a mental hospital on promise he will not shoot at Reagan again

Sports:  Nick Saban continues his strategy of collecting fired USC coaches. Paul Hackett seen anxiously waiting by his phone  National Geographic asks, "Why Are So Many BASE Jumpers Dying?" I'll hazard a guess...impacting the ground at high speed?  The San Jose Sharks teamed up with a local brewery to create a beer. Like the Sharks, it's great except when it inexplicably goes bad in May

Geek:  Scientists made laser out of human blood. What the hell are these people doing in those labs?  Apple confirms jack off  Facebook, Google reject condom emoji, although critics suspect a massive cover up

Entertainment:  Police looking for man who vandalized Justin Bieber sculpture, presumably to give him a medal  Batpod for sale. Slightly used and sold "as is". Contact Lucius Fox for info  Like a small-town sheriff soon to meet his untimely demise, Stephen King dismisses recent rash of clown sightings in North Carolina as "low-level hysteria"

Politics:  "The media's five unspoken rules for covering Hillary" misses the crucial #6: Learn how to evade her Five-Finger Vince Foster Death Punch  Phyllis Schlafly has information that will lead to Hillary Clinton's arrest  The car you drive may predict how you vote, as Trump supporters prefer Chevys, Clinton voters like hybrids and Johnson voters run along the side of the road making 'brrrr' noises and pretending they're going somewhere in a car

Business:  Chipotle CFO: We "bottomed" in January. They plan to continue oozing to the top, but watch out for that instant flow of happiness coming from every orifice of the company  Moody's says no matter if Clinton or Trump wins U.S. to keep its Triple-A rating ... hopefully one day to be called up to the major leagues  The financial bubble has legs, but unless central bankers hit the bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate
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7 Comments     (+0 »)
2016-09-12 09:49:06 AM  
Whomever made the Monitor joke has Turrets Syndrome.
2016-09-12 11:35:32 AM  

UNC_Samurai: Whomever made the Monitor joke has Turrets Syndrome.

I think you will find it is spelled "Tourettes".

/Or possibly Terrorists
///My aim may be a little off
2016-09-12 12:01:01 PM  

NoahBuddy: UNC_Samurai: Whomever made the Monitor joke has Turrets Syndrome.

I think you will find it is spelled "Tourettes".

/Or possibly Terrorists
///My aim may be a little off

I think you missed his joke.
2016-09-12 12:03:07 PM  
(or I missed yours)
2016-09-12 12:22:24 PM  
Hey, alright! Back on the list.
2016-09-12 02:07:53 PM  

Unfreakable: (or I missed yours)

Well, mine was rather poor, so don't blame yourself.

/I should aim higher
2016-09-12 03:33:46 PM  
Yyyyeeessss! I'd like to thank God & Members Of The Academy, in that order...
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