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A second gator on the grassy knoll, potato CHiPs, and wombat maple uranium commode: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 7/3 - 7/9
Posted by Unfreakable at 2016-07-11 11:21:11 AM (9 comments) | Permalink

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1110 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Jul 2016 at 11:57 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Fresh new week, and perhaps a few headlines you might have missed from last week.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2016-07-03 to Sat 2016-07-09:  Father of toddler eaten by alligator at Disney World says there was a second gator on the grassy knoll  Spice before crack, random hotel attack. Crack before spice, random chokehold and tasering  Secretive group conspires to convince world that man who conned them has died repeatedly in terror attacks. "You're just ruining it for the rest of us," says spokesreptile for the Lizard People  Edsel Ford II, great-grandson of Henry Ford, will not be charged with domestic violence. Since it's a Ford, prosecutors now wait for the inevitable recall  Brazil says it plan to shoot down any aircraft that violate Olympic Games airspace, on the off chance that any terrorists manage to survive the Olympics themselves  Bay Area geologists cry out after curb, pulled out of alignment by seismic forces, that they've been watching for 40 years, is destroyed by city work crew. Work crew says it wasn't their fault  Thieves smash into beauty supply store, steal $50K worth of hair. Witnesses report seeing getaway car weaving in and out of traffic  Text Adventures III (c) 2016. You are inside a Walmart. You see a woman riding the motorized wheelchair. Underneath the basket is hanging a rabid bat. What do you want to do? _  Man hit by blow dart in drive by shooting. Police seek information...if only they spoke Hovitos  The Great Longhini arrested for performing his only magic trick: turning meth into sex with minors  Matador killed in Spanish bull fight. Bull awarded two ears and a cape

Sports:  Cardinals catcher Brayan Pena can't enlist with the Army Reserves because his MLB contract won't allow it. Mostly because the league has no idea on how to classify someone who is on the DL for taking a mortar hit  Kobe gets a vintage Pontiac Parisienne in Lakers colors from Snoop Dogg. The car drives okay but it smokes like crazy  Milwaukee Bucks forward Jabari Parker vows to protect Obama from Joe Walsh after ominous tweet. Anybody who's seen the Bucks defense know what a hollow promise that is

Geek:  Microsoft stored an OK Go music video in strings of DNA. Copyright violation claim in 2, 4, 8, 16, 32  Do-it-yourself transcranial electric brain stimulation may pose risks to wombat uranium maple commode nonlinear poop Trump slurpee  Scientists find viable HIV vaccine after study involving macaque. YOU'RE WELCOME

Entertainment:  Emma Watson's new film earns tens of pounds in first release weekend. Reducto boxofficio  Gretchen Carlson files lawsuit against Fox News alleging she was fired for not giving Roger Ailes the chance to bring her to climax with the clinical efficiency of the assassination of Bin Laden  Erik Estrada joins the St. Anthony, ID, Police Department. It's official..."Ponch" is now a Potato CHiP

Politics:  Putin's hand is shoved so far up Trump's ass it's become the most terrifying puppet show since Fraggle Rock  "Newt Gingrich Is The Donald Trump Of Politics." Gingrich or Trump will devise a burning response just as soon as they decide which of them should be insulted  Trump campaign considers Ivanka for VP, next wife

Business:  Founder of Enterprise Car Rental Jack Taylor dead at 94. Tag is for the $1 billion given to charity, his piloting of Hellcat fighter planes for the Navy during World War II, and naming his company after a nuclear wessel  Pound falls to new post-Brexit low, now only worth 14-¾ ounces  The Waldorf-Astoria hotel is closing in 2017. Statler inconsolable
· · ·

9 Comments     (+0 »)
2016-07-11 11:58:54 AM  
'Johnson pulls out of Rio' was beautiful, but you had to be up on your 80s pop to get it.
2016-07-11 12:26:47 PM  
I cannot believe one I submitted made it this far.
I may have to reup my TF to vote for it.
2016-07-11 02:45:54 PM  
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2016-07-03 to Sat 2016-07-09: Father of toddler eaten by alligator at Disney World says there was a second gator on the grassy knoll


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Thank you, Mods! XD
2016-07-11 03:29:54 PM  
The "nonlinear poop Trump" one gives me a case of the giggles everytime I read it. :D
2016-07-11 03:45:44 PM  
Yes! My "potato CHiP" joke has made it to Fark!

The full joke really went like this:

Q: What do you call Ponch and Jon when they take a job working security at the JR Simplot plant in Boise, ID?

A: Potato CHiPs

/subby for that particular article :D
//oh yes...yes I am ;)
2016-07-11 04:13:33 PM  

Bathia_Mapes: The "nonlinear poop Trump" one gives me a case of the giggles everytime I read it. :D

2016-07-12 12:57:11 AM  
Wow, another HOTW for me.
2016-07-12 10:58:43 AM  

Bith Set Me Up: Wow, another HOTW for me.

First time ever for me...I feel rather proud of myself :D

Now, if it makes it to HOTY, I'll be impossible to live with :P
2016-07-12 09:22:19 PM  
Can someone tell me how these headlines are chosen?  Is there voting or do the moderators choose them?  If they are voted for, where do we see the total results for the voting?
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