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Things get worse for Fort McMurray fire evacuees, Gotze to explore other openings, and obtuse man jumps into Angle Lake: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 5/22 - 5/28
Posted by Unfreakable at 2016-05-30 8:56:24 AM (2 comments) | Permalink

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1460 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 May 2016 at 8:56 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Happy Memorial Day, everybody. Enjoy the headlines

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2016-05-22 to Sat 2016-05-28:  Man who poached endangered fish is stuck between a rock and a hard plaice, may get jail time to mullet over  A story that's both lame and sucks: Woman fights off burglar with crutch and vacuum cleaner  Obtuse man jumps into Angle Lake, acute drowning ensues  Verschlimmbesserung is the German word for "improvement that makes things worse." Or as we say in English, Microsoft  Six-month-old girl water skis across Florida lake. That's nothing, a two-month-old can skip across a lake if you've got a strong enough arm  Cat-filled beach is top tourist spot in Sardinia, although you should probably avoid digging in the sand  Things just keep getting worse for Fort McMurray fire evacuees  Fishing boat pulls four US Navy pilots out of the ocean; two are immediately thrown back as the fishermen were over their limit  Shroud of Urine discovered at local gym  More than 300 people on board Korean Air plane evacuated after engine fire. They also left the plane  Virginia declares a Civil War battlefield an active crime scene. When will they just admit they lost?

Sports:  Group says Bubba Smith died from concussion-related injuries and not overexposure to Steve Guttenberg as previously reported  FIFA fires its financial director for taking millions of dollars in "irregular" bonus payments. Or as most people refer to that process, "embezzlement"  Bayern Munich encourages Gotze to explore other openings

Geek:  NASA satellite arrives at bizarre location, which appears to be populated by mysterious creatures who behave irrationally, defying scientific explanation  Jupiter's moon Europa may have similar chemical balance to Earth and has "the right conditions for life." Oh sure, of ALL the places in the universe humans could move to, we pick the ONE place we were warned to avoid  Tests show that drivers can't accurately judge the speed of approaching trai

Entertainment:  Johnny Ramone's widow buys his guitar at auction, says she will do something with the instrument that had never been done while her husband was alive. Tune it up?  Bill Cosby to stand trial for all the rapin' and the druggin' with the wizzle and the wozzle  Three shot at T.I. show in Manhattan. Calculators: Serious business

Politics:  North Korea rejects Trump's offer to meet with Kim Jong Un, citing the ancient law that allows for only one egotistical dictator with a god complex in the country at a time  Surprise Johnson might leave a mark on election. This is not a repeat from 1996  Trump wants to hold his acceptance speech at either FirstEnergy Stadium or Progressive Field. Well these places do have a history of hosting a losing team with a rabid fan base

Business:  Teen Vogue editor appointed new editor in chief at Architectural Digest. Immediately begins working on a cover story detailing the new custom home specially built for Malibu Barbie  TSA to hire 768 full time screeners to help with security delays at airports. All job applicants have to wait in line three hours for an interview, after taking off their shoes and being limited to three ounces of water  Foxconn replaces 60,000 jobs with robots. On the bright side, they now have a job opening for someone to talk robots out of suicide
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2 Comments     (+0 »)
2016-05-30 09:57:53 AM  
2016-05-30 11:31:23 AM  
I made the headline of the headlines thread.  That's a first.
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