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Fisting site members concerned with backdoor breach, Panthrs rsign Jagr, and a Sue Goog Seuss headline: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 5/8 - 5/14
Posted by Unfreakable at 2016-05-16 10:44:41 AM, edited 2016-05-16 10:46:43 AM (5 comments) | Permalink

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1430 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 May 2016 at 10:52 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Happy Monday, everyone. A lot of good headlines last week. Well done, submitters.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2016-05-08 to Sat 2016-05-14:  "80-year-old lovebirds tie the knot" - well, yeah, when your body parts are that droopy, they are easy to get entangled  Here is someone new to sue now. Will GOOG choose to sue Sue Googe now? Or will Google see the Seussing of the Sue Googe? Suessers do, sirs. Mix the fonts, Sue? I won't do it. I can't say it, I won't sue it  Wildfire that started in Mexico has now crossed over into the US. This kind of thing won't happen once Trump is president  George Zimmerman to auction off his penis  'Gingerbread man' taunts police while fleeing, apparently not understanding how fast police will run after an escaping pastry  Fisting site members didn't sign up for this kind of backdoor access  Military women demonstrate their commitment to the infantry  Not a great day for those with friggatriskaidekaphobia - of course not to be confused with kjahfjkajklhfbalsfbaphobia which is the irrational fear of falling asleep on your keyboard  Archaeologists find 50,000 year-old axe. No word if it still reeks of teenage desperation and gyms  Egypt in denial. Circular joke reference collapses into singularity  Man gets penis stuck in wrench. Serves him right; those are only supposed to be used on nuts

Sports:  Panthrs rsign Jagr  Noah Syndergaard smashes two homers. Apparently Bartolo is now teaching his flock how to hit  Patriots to lose Gronk for entire 2016-2017 season

Geek:  After a year of testing, LAPD finds Tesla impractical as a police cruiser, returns all cars at no charge  Scientists discover dung beetles navigate by storing star maps in their tiny brains - which just goes to prove that even if you're stuck having to deal with shiat all day, you're still likely to pick up something useful  Scientists discover first ever group of lesbian gorillas after following the tracks of Subarus deep into the jungle

Entertainment:  Silver Alert issued for missing 67-year-old man. Speaks broken English and is known for urinating on state monuments  Members of the band Def Leppard will meet with students at the Arkansas School for the Deaf, whose mascot is a leopard. This is the sound of one hand clapping  Justin Bieber says he is no longer taking photographs with fans because it makes him feel like a zoo animal. Wait, do they keep jackasses in zoos?

Politics:  GOP civil war deepens when Rubio learns that Hydra forced Trump to kill Rubio's parents and Ted Cruz knew but didn't tell him  RNC Chair Reince Priebus calls Third Party idea "stupid". But is it 'Sarah Palin running mate' grade stupid, or 'government shutdown' grade stupid?  Fark Ready Headline : "Hillary, Bernie to make weekend push in Ky" Ewww

Business:  If you need a Lyft in Austin, it's going to be Uber hard to get one after Monday  Bitcoin: The savior of Wall St-OH GOD WE'RE DOOOOOOOOOOOMED  AB's latest product is watered-down, tasteless, fairly bitter, and covered in a garish wrapper that smacks of insecurity and an inflated ego
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5 Comments     (+0 »)
2016-05-16 11:11:20 AM  
Devils should have kept Jagr... :(
2016-05-16 11:47:58 AM  

DarkSoulNoHope: Devils should have kept Jagr... :(

You mean Dvils.
2016-05-16 12:14:31 PM  

Thudfark: DarkSoulNoHope: Devils should have kept Jagr... :(

You mean Dvils.

Too bad the Penguins didn't bring Jagr back.
2016-05-17 09:33:08 AM  

kdawg7736: Thudfark: DarkSoulNoHope: Devils should have kept Jagr... :(

You mean Dvils.

Too bad the Penguins didn't bring Jagr back.

Or was it the Pngins?
2016-05-17 10:06:06 AM  

jbrad47128: kdawg7736: Thudfark: DarkSoulNoHope: Devils should have kept Jagr... :(

You mean Dvils.

Too bad the Penguins didn't bring Jagr back.

Or was it the Pngins?

Mmmm...pnguin. Tasts lik chickn.
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