Skip to content
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
Inmates buying tiny cell phones by the buttload, Nixon's Waterloo, and Cmen from a Dmen: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/24 - 4/30
Posted by Unfreakable at 2016-05-02 9:30:34 AM (2 comments) | Permalink

•       •       •

1238 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 May 2016 at 9:33 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Welcome back to a new week, everybody. These were some of the headlines from last week that made us laugh. Hope you enjoy them, too.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2016-04-24 to Sat 2016-04-30:  Texas man purloins steaks, has beef with cops leading to high-speed chase. Police use flanking maneuvers and attempt to T-bone suspect before he's finally cut off. Strip search reveals evidence  Soldier dies after running marathon. This is not a repeat from 490 BCE  Another data breach on a dating site. You don't have to worry though  Spanking causes worse behavior ... but better daddy issues  Disney cruise ship rescues three federal fugitives at sea. Must now choose between working in diamond mine, being trapped in a lamp or being turned into pumpkins as punishment  Parents name their son 'Jet Star' after the airline he was born on board. Good thing he wasn't born on Virgin  US Air Force nominates the first Jew to ever become a service branch Chief of Staff. His mother would like you to know how proud she is of his brother the doctor  World's tiniest cell phone is very popular with prison inmates, who are buying buttloads of them  Millennials going door to door for grass  Utah mom does Crossfit until day before she delivers her baby. Resulting posts fill up two thirds of Facebook's server farms  In what could be a preview of a Trump election victory headline, gigantic cock moving to Pennsylvania Avenue

Sports:  Court of Appeals saves Boston-area sports radio for the next five months by reinstating Tom Brady's DeflateGate suspension  Tiger Woods says he "feels good" after the first few holes this year. That's all good and fine but, what about his golf game?  The Hasterts move on to next round

Geek:  Bloomberg turns to robots to deliver its news. Audience braces for the return of Ted Koppel  Halloween just got a whole lot scarier  Scientist: Somebody alive today will live for 1000 years. My money's on Zsa Zsa

Entertainment:  Kid Rock's personal assistant killed in ATV accident on Rock's property. Early reports are saying he up jumped the boogie  Katt Williams arrested for a salt  The Omen is getting a prequel, presumably called The Cmen from a Dmen and where it Kmen

Politics:  Ted Cruz concedes California  Obama's hypocritical drug policy is his Iran-Contra, which was Reagan's Watergate, which was Nixon's Waterloo, which was Napoleon's Battle of Hastings, which was King Harold's Calvary, which was Jesus' Troy, which was  Taint to endorse asshole

Business:  Xerox 1Q profits fall 84%▓▓▒▒░░  Texas instruments increased sales of processors helps company avoids 1Q 535507  NYC's Four Seasons restaurant tells all employees that they won't be working this summer, fall, winter, spring
· · ·

2 Comments     (+0 »)
2016-05-02 01:37:45 PM  
I'm proud to have hit HOTW, but I gotta say Omen/Dmen/Cmen/Kmen should have swept the awards.
2016-05-02 02:10:20 PM  
If you knew how much a phone call from a prison cost then you'd understand. A 15 minute phone call from Roederer was $4.83 per call and it was in state. I can't imagine how much it was out of state
Displayed 2 of 2 comments

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

In Other Media
Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.