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Chip Monk, the search for Seattle's hipster ninja masturbator, and Obama nominates Self for court pick: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/13 - 3/19
Posted by Unfreakable at 2016-03-21 6:56:46 AM (3 comments) | Permalink

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1182 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Mar 2016 at 7:03 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Happy Monday, everybody. Hope some of these give you a chuckle like they did for me.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2016-03-13 to Sat 2016-03-19:  Russian military begins withdrawal from the parts of Syria that Putin doesn't want  Police seek hipster ninja masturbator in Seattle. Ironically, someone saw him coming  Woman's addiction causes her to eat her armchair foam. She hopes eventually to recover  Explosion at Hawaii energy research laboratory leaves researcher seriously injured, anxiously awaiting new super powers  Twitter turns ten years old. And just like a ten year old child it communicates with fractured sentences, demands constant attention from everyone around, and is years away from ever actually making any money  Chip Monk  Computer nerds successfully get into a woman's panties  Man ordered to undergo mental health evaluation jumps from court house's third floor balcony. Evaluation complete  T&A Mobile  Apple CEO says the company's fight with the FBI is "about the future." Which is hard to believe since the FBI's technical skills are somewhere between the Victrola and the rotary phone  Your trailer park door you should latch it, when a violent itch he would scratch it. He has a short fuse and threatens abuse by putting to use his new hatchet

Sports:  Dak arrested for DUI, which may after his draft prospects, force him to join the Rebellion, and die in battle as a snowspeeder gunner. Drinking kills  Goodell to give up discipline duties. No word on whether knocking your wife out in an elevator will still be an equal suspension to wearing the wrong color socks  Now that they've washed their hands of Johnny Manziel, the Cleveland Browns vow to find a quarterback who's mature, durable, and a team leader. And .... hey, what's Robert Griffin III doing here?

Geek:  Instagram to display photos order, out of will test feed algorithm-based  Fossilized T-Rex found in Montana determined to be pregnant female, prompting emergency State Legislature sessions across the US to ban abortions in the 16,250,000th trimester  Could Apple's iWatch detect a stroke? Well, it probably depends on if it was on the dominant wrist

Entertainment:  Camille Cosby does not want to discuss her marital sex life. Most likely because she can't remember any of it  Emerson, Smith and Wesson  Chachi loves phony

Politics:  Trump supporters deface cemetery at latest rally. To be fair, the dead in Illinois were going to vote straight-ticket Democrat anyway  Rubiobot blue screens  Obama nominates Self for court pick

Business:  Apple claims the DOJ actions would appall the Founders. And who would know better than a company owned by white males that uses slave labor?  Acefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz  Microsoft in trouble for hiring more women
· · ·

3 Comments     (+0 »)
2016-03-21 12:42:52 PM  
Can I self-immolate now?
2016-03-21 02:11:58 PM  
Holy shiat, I have a HOTW!
2016-03-21 02:42:47 PM  

Bith Set Me Up: Holy shiat, I have a HOTW!

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