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Cockroach poo messages, camel cheaters, and WWJDUI: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 12/13 - 12/19
Posted by Unfreakable at 2015-12-21 9:19:33 AM (2 comments) | Permalink

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1510 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Dec 2015 at 9:22 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

We had three of the mainpage Headline of the Year preliminary contests greenlit last week for the first three quarters, and the last one is going up today, so keep an eye out. After that, we'll have contests for the subtabs (Sports, Geek, Entertainment, Politics, Business) and then the puns/wordplay contest and the Context headlines contest which is a lot bigger this year--we'll need some prelims for them in TF before the mainpage ones.

For those of you who missed the first three greenlit HotY quarterfinal threads, here they are:

Round 1
Round 2
Round 3

Come back today for Round 4. TFers, keep an eye out for redlit voting threads for the subtabs today as well.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2015-12-13 to Sat 2015-12-19:  Researchers discover cockroach poo contains chemical messages from microbes. I hope that someone gets my, I hope that someone gets my, message in a butthole  "Transgender jail deputy hangs up holster." Well, that seems like an insensitive way to put it  People who use swear words tend to have a larger vocabulary than the prissy, clean-mouthed, holier-than-though f*ckwits who act offended if you call them out for their shiat  WWJDUI  It's sweeps week on Storage Wars  Someone in the L.A. school district isn't prepared for finals  OH YEAH (w/ vid)  Man's truck, dog found after being reported stolen. Owner now fears if his wife returns he'll never realize his dream of becoming a country/western songwriter  Federal government to acquire Wu Tang album  Husband accuses wife of cheating on him with a camel. Article does not state whether it was one hump or two  Walking trees that move up to 20m per year discovered in Eriador. Wait, sorry, make that Ecuador

Sports:  Maple Leafs to have new uniforms for their 100th season in 2016. Players say the matching golf shoes for use in May are a nice touch  Over $1,000 in wrestling attire stolen. Rumors abound on if the thief should be hit with a steel chair or take an elbow from the top rope  Italian porn star joins the board of soccer club Marruvium, who will still suck but will at least learn how to do it skillfully

Geek:  "These are not the 'rhoids you are looking for"  Researchers create world's smallest ink-jet printed image, still manage to use $500 worth of cartridges  100 year old negatives discovered in block of ice. Why do we never find anything positive buried in ice?

Entertainment:  Edward Norton helps raise over $375,000 for Syrian refugees on the condition they change their names to "Robert Paulson"  Kevin Federline secures gainful employment as a strip club DJ. At least our tax dollars won't have to support him any longer  Amber Heard will stand trial in Australia for dog smuggling, the first salvo in what some are calling the War on Terrier

Politics:  Anndrudgenous?  With nothing left to lose, Lindsey Graham becomes the voice of reason in the GOP. Fortunately, he can't drop below 0% in the polls  Former Speaker Dennis Hastert has a stroke. Isn't that what got him in trouble in the first place?

Business:  If you've got shareholders, I feel bad for you, hon; they've got 99 pages, and Marissa's got none  PepsiCo, taking their health seriously, plans to install vending machines offering only healthy products. Customers to have a choice of two different selections of water  Airline made a record $9.3 billion in the 3Q, the highest since 2006. Officials say it's a result of lower fuel prices, more efficient scheduling, cutting their customer service budgets by $9.3 billion
· · ·

2 Comments     (+0 »)
2015-12-21 10:27:08 AM  
Yay!  My 2AM blackout-drunk submission made it!  Thanks Unfreakable!
2015-12-21 11:55:57 AM  
Awesome. My wrestling one made it. I never thought that would be the one that would be on here.
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