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Men unable to find clitoris festival, a Franken-Stein monster, and four minutes of pure hell: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 11/1 - 11/6
Posted by Unfreakable at 2015-11-09 7:35:25 AM (3 comments) | Permalink
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2282 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Nov 2015 at 8:07 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

As I mentioned last week, we'll be kicking off the first of the Headline of the Year preliminaries this week on Totalfark. If you want to have your vote heard early, you're going to want to get TF if you don't already have it.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2015-11-01 to Sat 2015-11-06:  Briton smashes record for longest continuous ironing session by a man. That must have been four minutes of pure hell  Nigerian painter wins $50,000 award, according to an e-mail I just received  Town in Galicia celebrates 'Clitoris Festival,' confusing many men who don't know where Galicia is, either  Study shows owning puppies and ponies lowers the risk of asthma in kids. Scientist who prepared the study suspected to be a child in a long lab coat standing on the shoulders of another child  Finally, America will have a place where youths can try to kill each other. You know, other than schools, churches, shopping malls  Pew poll finds people are using them less  Virginia Zoo elephants moving to Miami and will be replaced with rhinos, jut like the rest of the GOP  Wife uses toilet seat to assault her husband. When finished she courteously remembers to put down the lid  Using topless models to sell things is nothing new but using them to sell coffins seems a bit much, especially since the customers are already stiff  For first time ever in New Zealand, surgeon reattaches duck's fractured beak. No word on who gets the bill  The twenty-five most influential beards of all time. Missing from the list: Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes

Sports:  How difficult is it to throw an NFL record-tying 7 TD passes in a game? Apparently, it's a Brees  Ask not for whom the Bell tolls. Because he's blown a knee  Arrest records of Detroit Lions new OC Jim Bob Cooter have mysteriously vanished. Team claims disappearance on the fact that in the southern states "Jim Bob Cooter" is pretty much the equivalent of "John Doe"

Geek:  Today is George Boole's birthday. Either you know about it (1), or you don't (0)  Study may have found evidence of parallel universes, cooler goatees  Physicists use light to create Hilbert's Hotel with infinite rooms. Gideons declare emergency

Entertainment:  This business will no longer get out of control  United Nations called upon to stop a madman who has caused the suffering of millions  Bindi Irwin's contract for Dancing With the Stars denied because judge needs proof her dad is dead. That's got to sting

Politics:  "Senator Franken wants to flip the Senate" Maybe he can convince Jill Stein to run for Senate. Then it'd truly be a (•_•) ( •_•)⌐■-■ (⌐■_■) Franken-Stein monster  Bernie Sanders closer to Bush than originally suspected  Egypt just bought 120,000 metric tons of wheat. Now where are they gonna put all that?

Business:  If it's going to take that long, I think I'll stick with FedEx  Kraft Heinz ... ... ... cuts ... ... ... 2,600 ... ... ... jobs ... ... ... closes ... ... ... seven ... ... ... plants  Facebook more valuable than General Electric. Next target: Sheinhardt Wig Company
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3 Comments     (+0 »)
2015-11-09 09:29:47 AM  
The thread about the beards was legendary.  Great headline also.  zPlus one!
2015-11-09 10:28:35 AM  
Saturday was the 7th.
2015-11-09 11:51:09 AM  
Men unable to find clitoris festival

Didn't they ever watch the South Park movie? All they had to have was confidence because chicks dig confidence

/Oh how I love that move :)
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