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Dyslexic KKK members, police pulling over fabric, and Great White back on tour again: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 10/25 - 10/31
Posted by Unfreakable at 2015-11-02 10:50:51 AM (9 comments) | Permalink
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1734 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Nov 2015 at 10:54 AM (3 years ago) | | share: more»
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With the year starting to enter the home stretch, just a reminder that this month (hopefully this week) we'll be kicking off the preliminary contests for Headline of the Year. The Totalfarkers get to vote on their favorite headlines, so if you wanna get in on that and have the opportunity to help vote for your favorites, now's the time to get a TF subscription, or get sponsored, or shake down somebody for their lunch money. The threads will be going to TFD for their votes. You might not wanna miss that if you think better headlines didn't make it through the contest.
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2015-10-25 to Sat 2015-10-31:
Police looking for 20-year-old man described as short, balding, lisping, with a sickly complexion and a mental deficiency. Unclear if they want to arrest him or just insult him further
Woman shot in foot by her dog. *TRIGGER WARNING*
This restaurant protected by Smith and Wesson. And Davis, Peterson, Miller, Johnson, Markovic, Randall...really any armed customer will do
Student: :-P | School: ლ(ಠ益ಠლ | Student: 凸(｀⌒´ )凸 | Judge: ಠ_ಠ
Police stop speeding Russian hearse filled with 1000 pounds of caviar. Driver says he was on his way to death roe
And the Lions are on the board
Anonymous hacktivists are planning to reveal the identities of 1,000 members of the Ku Klux Klan including the dyslexic one who hates gingers
Pastor Sham Hungwe is in trouble for selling magic pens that let you pass exams without studying. Sham said his brother Scam came up with the idea, while his other brother Spam is in charge of marketing
DC cop caught on video beating 17-year-old high school girl
California highways announce move to discontinue use of impact font on road signs
Great White tours Eastern Europe
Tom Brady earning the most rushing yards for Patriots vs Jets sparks the quote of the year. "HE'S LIKE A CHEETAH"
Kansas City Royals fan who caught Mike Moustakas' home run says the ball had cleared the wall, will now refer all questions about the incident to his newly hired spokesman Jeffrey Maier
Ravens offense loses communication with sideline during final drive. Patriots docked a second and sixth round pick
Scientists develop the blackest material ever made which absorbs over 99% of light. The material is so dark, police instinctively try to pull it over
Our closest exoplanet just vanished. Grand Moff Tarkin will not be giving a press conference
Scientists claim having intestinal worms can be good for your health. Also, you'll never be alone again
Sex toy company reaches out to Justin Bieber hoping he'll model for a dildo. Summer's Eve threatens lawsuit, saying they've already used him as a model for their 5'9" douche
Millennial rapper you've never heard of calls '90s rap and hip hop "overrated." Tupac would be spinning in his grave, but he is currently working on new material
NBC wants to make the next "True Blood." So, a show that will start out great, then slowly become an unwatchable mess? Didn't they already do that with Heroes?
After taking it from both ends in the last federal Canadian election, party toys with the idea of shortening their name to just 'DP'
Jeb is turning to Dubya for election advice. God, that sounds like the plot of a Hee-Haw episode
Bipartisanship comes back to Washington on behalf of crony capitalism, backed by Boehner (R-GE) and Pelosi (D-JPMorganChase)
Staples founder and former CEO Tom Sternberg dies at age 66. Coffins can be found in aisle 5, cremation urns in aisle 8
Walmart to test drones for home delivery service. Apparently drones are better than trucks when it comes to navigating their way through the nation's trailer parks
GM to 1.4M owners: Your cars are perfectly safe, but you *might* want to avoid parking indoors until we can fix them. But to reiterate: perfectly safe
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