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Bad dog needs new home, flatulent fatso furious for firing, and Justin Bieber hasn't thought through the "live like Jesus" endgame: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/27 - 10/3
Posted by Unfreakable at 2015-10-05 7:54:38 AM (4 comments) | Permalink
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1595 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Oct 2015 at 8:40 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Welcome back! Hope your week is starting as well as it can, considering, you know, that it's Monday and all.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2015-09-27 to Sat 2015-10-03:  Football player elected homecoming queen, with most votes coming in for her stunning punt  America's three most educated states are Massachusetts, Colorado, and Maryland, where roughly 40% have a college degree and 90% graduated high school. Three bottom states tried to read this and poked themselves in the eye with a spoon  Hero dog drags owner from path of car. *checks* Oh, into path of car. In other news, bad dog needs new home  Blackbird pooping in the dead of night / Leave this plot of land and learn to fly / Now we find / You were only waiting for the chance to see us die  A 20 meter wide sinkhole opens up in London. Land owners immediately try to rent it out for £4000/month  Cougar takes up pole dancing  France is a 'country of white race' according to politician's statement, which surprised many who expected her to say 'flags'  Notorious art thief found dead in canal, lashed to a shopping trolley. Art world says it's a provocative installation piece by Canaletto  Tornado knocks out power to 10,000 people in Lancaster County, PA, none of whom noticed  Latest company suspected of using illegal 'defeat devices:' Samsung. Now, don't all you people with diesel powered televisions feel stupid?  Flatulent fatso furious for firing, fights former firm for flippant frustrating failure to forget fault-free farts, feces flare-ups. FFS

Sports:  Romero to return to PGA after hand injury. The PGA is golf's governing body. Golf is a game where you hit a small white balata ball into 18 consecutive holes, using as few strokes as possible. Balata is a form of latex harvested from rubber trees  Hope Solo's domestic violence case reinstated in 12 systems  LOL Miss

Geek:  Pacemakers may be at risk from hackers, but they can be stopped by quickly turning it off and bac  Russian scientist injects himself with 3.5 million year old bacteria. Super villian status unconfirmed  Stephen Hawking says that advanced aliens could easily conquer and colonize earth. We'll make great pets

Entertainment:  Fast & Furious will end with a trilogy, bringing the total number of films to ten and total number of plots to one  Casper Van Dien files for divorce. Would you like to know more?  Justin Bieber says he wants to live like Jesus. Sales of hammers and nails expected to skyrocket

Politics:  Lawmakers renew push for coal miner's asthma benefit reform. Black lungs matter  As first lady, Melania Trump would be the first foreign-born first lady since Louisa Adams, and the first to have modeled nude since Barbara Bush  Kentucky governor calls Kim Davis' suit against him "forlorn" and "obtuse." Candidate Drew Curtis promises that, when elected, he will refer to all such lawsuits as "asshattery" and respond by deleting the entire court docket

Business:  American Airlines adds free real-time baggage tracking, making it easy for passengers to mail their luggage a "wish you were here" postcard  Staples the first major store to announce its Thanksgiving hours. They are: CLOSED am to CLOSED pm  After eight months, judge finally approves Radio Shack's pending sale of VCR cassettes, rotary phones
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4 Comments     (+0 »)
2015-10-05 10:45:27 AM  
No love for the filterpwn?

Trump, "Yes, I've been a biatchildish. But in my defense, this is politics"​h​-But-in-my-defense-this-is-politics
2015-10-06 02:01:43 AM  
Where's this week's NotNewsletter?
2015-10-06 11:54:54 AM  

NkThrasher: No love for the filterpwn?

Trump, "Yes, I've been a biatchildish. But in my defense, this is politics"​-But-in-my-defense-this-is-politics

I was wondering the same thing.
2015-10-06 05:42:40 PM  
First time I've seen a headline of mine in HotW!

/haven't seen every HotW list
//but my headlines suck so it's probably the first ever
///sinkhole slashies
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