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Ford to kill off the Lincoln MKS after taking it to see a nice play, Wyld Stallyns' future in jeopardy, and 80s album cover cliché starts fire in San Diego: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 6/7 - 6/13
Posted by Unfreakable at 2015-06-15 9:55:01 AM (0 comments) | Permalink
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2317 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jun 2015 at 10:07 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Welcome to a new week, everybody. Here are some of last week's better headlines, enjoy!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2015-06-07 to Sat 2015-06-13:  This could totally be the end for Wyld Stallyns  Number of unwanted pregnancies and abortions drop in Hawaii after public schools say 'Aloha' to abstinence-only education and 'Aloha' to actual sex-ed  Flaming bird with snake in its mouth bursts out of '80s album cover to start a fire in San Diego  New Jersey approves breast milk banks. New mothers pumped  Woman finds iguana clogging her toilet, vows to put him on a low fiber diet  Poor people make better business and financial decisions than the moderately wealthy or wealthy. For instance, you never see them wasting their money on giant yachts  And on the 14th year, the Buddhas rose from the rubble and were born anew. Buddha: The slow-resurrecting Jesus  Tim Horton's surprises customers with coffee for a buck  Malaysian Airways flight reports fire on board and makes emergency landing in Australia, which is better than their usual 'lets put it out with sea water' method  "Dear Coleen: My boyfriend squeaks when we have sex." Hmm ... maybe try some lube?  Dial it back a bit, dear

Sports:  Police find abandoned vehicle with front-end damage that belongs to Patriots LB. On-Star reports that driver mentioned hitting a deer before fleeing the scene. Police think the deer may have weighed approximately 3,840 pounds  Condition of the woman who was hit by a shattered bat at Fenway Park has been upgraded to "fair." Apparently the call was changed after replay showed her stretcher was just inside the baseline  Tampa's Archer becomes first pitcher in history to have 3 straight starts with 10 strikeouts and 0 walks. Wait, I had something for this

Geek:  MERS ability to jump from animals to humans puzzles scientists who have never watched Cujo  New 3D printers allow you to design and make your own outfits at home. Helloooo crotchless Godzilla wingsuit  High salt cancels out high fat in our diet, say researchers at the Institute of Now We're Just Farking Around With Y'all

Entertainment:  'The Man With No Penis' moves to TLC. Man, they're really going all out to make sure no more kids on their network get molested  Mr. T started wearing costume jewelry after Hurricane Katrina because he felt wearing real gold would have been insensitive. Word has it he also stopped pitying fools, now has a compassionate empathy for them instead  Paleontologists slam "Jurassic World" for its scientific inaccuracies, especially the part where the T-Rex and velociraptor are involved in a high speed car chase

Politics:  IT'S HAPPENING: RON PAUL won't stump for RAND PAUL. All hope now rests with RU PAUL  Bush decides to not hire David Koch as his campaign manager. Sorry, I mean Kochel, which is Spanish for "the Koch"  "People don't understand...that's maybe eight votes that you wouldn't otherwise get." Santorum then added, "I just think that my appeal is becoming more selective"

Business:  Rupert Murdoch stepping down as CEO of 21st Century Fox to pursue career in super-villainy  Ford killing off the Lincoln MKS sedan, plan to take it to see a nice play first  1: Punch a hole in a Pizza Hut box 2: Put your smartphone in that box 3: Make her hold the box. And that's the way you do it. It's my flicks in a box... my flicks in a box babe
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