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Man mistakes Richard Petty Driving Experience for Dale Earnhardt Driving Experience, Ohio man charged with helping THE Islamic State, and Madonna needs new material, girl: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/12 - 4/18
Posted by Unfreakable at 2015-04-20 9:59:25 AM (7 comments) | Permalink
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1787 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Apr 2015 at 10:36 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

A few gems in this week's batch. Well done, submitters

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2015-04-12 to Sat 2015-04-18:  In Soviet Michigan, asshole bleaches woman  Man gets the Dale Earnhardt Driving Experience while participating in the Richard Petty Driving Experience  Penis transplant doctor talks about his patient, reveals he had to veto the patient's idea of transplanting four extra penises onto himself so his pants would fit like a glove  Judge sentences Jodi Arias to life with no chance of parole for murder, which is kind of silly because she didn't tell that guy to shoot Reagan and it was a long time ago anyway  Woman sues Disney for implanting Chip under her skin. No word on Dale's whereabouts  Ohio man charged with trying to help the Islamic State, or as they say in Ohio, THE Islamic State  Julius Caesar may have suffered mini strokes, not epilepsy. Conclusion based on accounts of his final symptoms being a series of stabbing pains  "Is Christianity Dark Enough For Millenials?" I dunno, a dude proclaiming peace and love and living with 12 dudes while having a mistress who was a hooker then gets executed for questioning authority sounds pretty dark  Washington Highway Patrol involved in major sting operation on state's busiest freeway  Southwest Airlines passenger who repeatedly jabbed snoring seatmate with penis kicked off flight  Man gets worldwide attention after growing 33-pound vegetable, says he now comes home beet, just wants to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed

Sports:  The Cleveland Browns introduce a bunch of new uniform combinations, so they can at least look stylish when they lose games this year  Ohio State coach Urban Meyer gets contract extension with sizable pay increase, gives whole new meaning to the phrase "Urban renewal"  Aaron Hernandez now listed as game to game on the Patriots injury report

Geek:  To keep bugs off airplane wings, NASA is trying out anti-stick coatings. Gremlins immediately protest to the FAA, seek immediate injunction  Someone paid more than $1 million for Alan Turing's notebook. At least we're pretty sure it was someone  The next fight between Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos will happen in space. We now live in a world where eccentric billionaires are trying to out rocket ship each other. What an amazing time to be alive

Entertainment:  Madonna tries stand-up comedy on The Tonight Show. You need new material, girl  TV syndication pioneer dies, funeral to be televised at 12:05 a.m., after the 2,388th re-run of the Friends episode where Ross & Rachel first kiss  'Our American Cousin' stages comeback 150 years after Lincoln's assassination. Critics suggest you reserve a booth and give it a shot

Politics:  Marco Rubio joins Snapchat, which makes sense considering all photos of him are dick pics  The GOP's plan for Hillary is to make her uncaring, robotic, obscenely rich and out of touch with most Americans. Hillary expected to win the Republican primary shortly thereafter  The best thing Obama gave Hillary? A scandal-free presidency. Well, as scandal-free as any non-American, perma-golfing, apology touring, conservative auditing, terrorist sympathizing, Muslim president could be. Better than Hillary, anyway

Business:  One million Apple Watches sold in just six hours. Mostly to people who came into their store, saw a box that had the Apple logo and immediately had to buy whatever was inside  Frederick's of Hollywood stores to close, all lingerie half off  Angie's List CEO to step down. Company says he performed well on financial issues but was unable to delegate. Overall, they would probably use him again
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7 Comments     (+0 »)
2015-04-20 10:52:22 AM  
It's going to be tough to top the Petty/Earnhardt headline.
2015-04-20 10:58:40 AM  
Cool, I got one this week.
2015-04-20 10:59:28 AM  

Odd Bird: It's going to be tough to top the Petty/Earnhardt headline.

I dunno, I thought THE Islamic State was pretty damn funny.
2015-04-20 11:16:54 AM  

kdawg7736: Cool, I got one this week.

Me too! I have arrived?
2015-04-20 11:35:56 AM  
Our American Cousin. Give it a shot.

Also, several of these headlines "explain"the jokes, which to me kind of ruin it (THE Islamic State one, for one).
2015-04-20 02:09:34 PM  

Taima: Our American Cousin. Give it a shot.

Also, several of these headlines "explain"the jokes, which to me kind of ruin it (THE Islamic State one, for one).

I could have gone with this instead, I suppose:

"Ohio man charged with trying to aid THE Islamic State"
2015-04-20 09:23:57 PM  

Odd Bird: It's going to be tough to top the Petty/Earnhardt headline.

That is a rip off from a few years ago.  Man participating in Richard Petty thing has Dale Earnhardt thing.  Not mine, but I'm reminded of it every time I see the advertisement for RPDE.
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