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Human Centipede 3 has fans flocking to ATMs, the bisontennial returns, and a severe case of gran larceny: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/5 - 4/11
Posted by Unfreakable at 2015-04-13 12:15:58 PM (0 comments) | Permalink
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2269 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Apr 2015 at 12:22 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Happy Monday, everybody. Too many good headlines from last week...

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2015-04-05 to Sat 2015-04-11:  Man accused of attacking old flame with fire extinguisher  Have you ever been to an international coffee expo it's really great there are coffee diplomats from all over the world ready to share their coffee with you and you keep drinking coffee is it just me or is my heart beating really fast  A man named Burger is marrying a woman named King. No word on if the couple is waiting for their wedding night before having some In-N-Out  Torn, I say TORN, son, from the Front Page of the Bangor -- you're not listening' to me, boy -- I say, the Bangor Daily News: Hungry bobcat, raccoon captured at chicken coop. Together they're about as sharp as a bowling ball  Grandmother gets suspended sentence after police find 1,337 stolen items of clothing and accessories in her home, in what is being described as the most elite case of gran larceny ever  115-year-old Detroit woman, newest world's oldest person, credits her longevity to diet, spirituality, natural instinct to duck gunfire  Some jerk sneaks into farm, jacks $70,000 in bull semen while hired hand is away  Fourth skydiving death in two years at Skydive DeLand suggests that DeLand may not be the only problem  Gunman shoots security guard at U.S. Census Bureau headquarters in Maryland. No word on final body count yet  Roger Murdock, airline pilot, weighs in on the Walter Scott shooting  Can an attractive beaver keep overeager young people from popping cherries?

Sports:  Lakers' Byron Scott says he wouldn't want some of his team members in a foxhole with him because they would "shoot him in the back." With a 20-58 record, the odds of hitting him are pretty slim  Troy Polamalu leaps head & shoulders into retirement  Soccer official claims team lost because they watch too much porn. Then again, you don't use your hands in soccer

Geek:  Archeologists give Altamura man an approximate time of death. Italian prosecutors file charges against Amanda Knox just in case  First wild buffalo in 200 years born in Illinois. Just in time for the bisontennial  Enormous 'warm blob' in Pacific Ocean linked to weird weather across the U.S. I guess globule warming is a thing now, too

Entertainment:  Human Centipede 3 gets a release date. Fans of the franchise flocking to ATMs everywhere  The audience makeup for Seven Fast Seven Furious was 25% white and 75% "nonwhite," and the whole reason it was a box office smash is because it was so diverse. Because every minute you watch, diverse it gets  Jon Cryer recalls the awkwardness of working with Ashton Kutcher for the first time because Cryer had dated Kutcher's mom, Demi Moore

Politics:  White House says Obama is the "greenest President" ever, which is what Republicans have been telling us all along  Canadian police to guard Canadian soldiers standing guard at country's War Memorial in Ottawa, because the bullet used by Canada's military is currently in Alberta or something  Obama visits Bob Marley Museum, says he still has all the albums...which he borrowed from Biden, who's made it his life's work to track down the killer bud of which he partook along with four coeds from Babson during the '77 Exodus tour

Business:  Starbucks offers baristas free college tuition. Nice perk  Greece claims that Germany owes them 279Bn euros for WWII war crimes. Any resemblance to debts unpaid is purely coincidental  Average cost for room and board in a nursing home is $91,000 a year. Which means it's actually a better deal to enroll grandma into college
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