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Why ants don't have a successful space program, a free-range artisanal toast home cost calculator, and Picard struggling with a new dialect of Tamarian: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/29 - 4/4
Posted by Unfreakable at 2015-04-06 12:44:39 PM (2 comments) | Permalink
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1417 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Apr 2015 at 12:48 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Got some great headlines last week. Well done, submitters!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2015-03-29 to Sat 2015-04-04:  Venezuelan model wears waist-shrinking device 23 hours a day. Of corset hurts  China invites foreign armed forces to take part in a lavish military parade in Beijing this fall marking the 70th anniversary of victory over Japan in World War II. US feels awkward about the invite, but not as much at Japan getting an invitation  "Gay Passion of the Christ" deemed blasphemous. Because an unmarried single guy living with 12 dudes and talking about "loving everyone" is the straightest motherfarker this side of Oedipus  Windsor Castle staff holding strike vote, will soon see the violence inherent in the system  Investigators find that the co-pilot who deliberately crashed an airliner in the Alps had previously undergone treatment for suicidal tendencies, but it was years ago, so it didn't raise any black flags and he was considered a minor threat  ISIS in Yarmouk near Damascus. Picard confused  Jewish Federation gives out hams for Easter. There are at least two bewildering things about that headline  Russian fishing trawler sinks; dozens of electronics technicians feared dead  Man claims he caught chlamydia from a car. Who knew its transmission was that easy?  Veteran's prosthetic eye stolen from his car. When asked why he left it in the car, the vet could only say he was trying to keep an eye out  Sea plane. Sea plane crash. Crash, plane, crash

Sports:  There is a 141 2/3% chance that Scott Steiner was banned from the WWE Hall of Fame ceremony on Saturday  Cincinnati MLB team introduces in-stadium nursery for moms, babies, Yankees players  Tiger Woods plays 18 hole practice round at Augusta, sparking speculation that he may play in the Masters where he'll be able to get in 36 holes before leaving

Geek:  Brazilian waterspout hits coast, terrifying beachgoers. I guess it couldn't find a landing strip  Low gravity "seriously messes with" an ant's ability to explore space. Which explains why ants don't have a successful space program yet  For only $99 anyone can be matched up with long lost relatives using only a saliva sample, according to Ancestry spokesman Phineas Taylor Barnum

Entertainment:  Roger Moore says London born Idris Elba isn't "English-English" enough to play Bond. You know, not like those Scottish, Welsh, Irish, and AUSTRALIAN-English guys  Why don't critics take Philip Glass' music seriously? Why don't critics take Philip Glass' music seriously? Why don't critics take Philip Glass' music seriously? Why don't critics take Philip Glass' music seriously?  Those reports that Monica Lewinsky would co-host The View? Close, but no cigar

Politics:  George W. Bush gets intelligence group award. Too. Many. Jokes  KY Gov defends state's gay marriage ban as non-discriminatory because "both gay and straight people are barred from marrying people of the same gender." Suck it, libtards  New Hogan spending plan withholds money for schools, pay raises, mustache bleach, pre-ripped t-shirts

Business:  Average home price in San Francisco will hit one MILLION dollars this month. That's approximately 200,000 slices of free-range artisanal toast  Comcast boasts new 2Gbps internet service. No word what the speed will be after throttling  Pillsbury Doughboy creator dies at age 89. He is risen
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2 Comments     (+0 »)
2015-04-06 01:05:22 PM  
"Sea plane. Sea plane crash. Crash, plane, crash" makes me giggle
2015-04-06 01:09:37 PM  

Bathia_Mapes: "Sea plane. Sea plane crash. Crash, plane, crash" makes me giggle

That's the HOTW.

/and I say that even tho one of mine is up there too
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