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Free bassist, Monica Lewinsky says a mouthful at the TED conference, and what the founder of Upworthy shared at a media summit will BLOW YOUR MIND: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/15 - 3/21
Posted by Unfreakable at 2015-03-23 12:28:07 PM (7 comments) | Permalink
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2167 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Mar 2015 at 12:39 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Happy Monday, everybody. Enjoy the headlines

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2015-03-15 to Sat 2015-03-21:  Coast Guard scraps plan to test its members' physical fitness, cites the extreme difficulty in counting pull-ups in remote locations. In other news, life vest futures are up 20 points  Replacing the infamous Port Authority bus terminal would cost $8-10 billion, not including the 10% markup of the 15% surcharge of the 30% unexpected overages on the 60% consulting fees for the 100% not-mobbed-up contractors  Onlookers talk down suicidal man when police can't  Man unable to stand up after taking a few Bushmills' shots  Intrusive Federal regulations force closure of small family business, puts 34 out of work  Alaskan army unit allowed to use racial slurs on "Racial Thursdays." Unit also braced for discovery of "Homophobic Mondays,""Sexism Sundays," and "Silly Hat Fridays"  Monica Lewinsky's TED talk is spot on  University of Illinois Chicago student accused of committing a Fifty Shades of Grey inspired rape cleared of all charges, remains free on bondage  Phoenix Zoo discovers a two-year-old bear is female, not male, say they stand by its life choice  "Not tonight, dear, I have a haddock"  In possibly the nerdiest marriage proposal ever, man proposes to partner during solar eclipse. The Sun was not there

Sports:  Hampton basketball coach calls Jesus for advice on playing Kentucky in the first round. Jesus: "Sorry man, I'm about to drive into a tunnel..."  Seahawks and Russell Wilson reportedly very close on a new contract. On the one yard line, if you will  Have you ever seen a perfect Beaver? You have now

Geek:  The founder of Upworthy spoke at a media summit, and what he said will blow your mind  Workplace suicides are on the rise. Finally, some comforting news for the unemployed  NASA spent $2.5 billion sending a spaceship to Mars to find fat and alcohol. It would have been a lot cheaper to drive to Walmart

Entertainment:  Wacky comedy depicting rural Uighur life in Xinjiang is smash hit in Beijing. Well, GAO LI  Free bassist  Celine Dion is returning to Las Vegas since no one has bothered to deport her

Politics:  Mitt Romney to box Evander Holyfield for Charity. Romney hopes that frequently switching stances will keep Holyfield off-balance  Aaron Schock resigns to spend more time with family and friends of Dorothy  Soviet propaganda videos from the 1980s erroneously portrayed the United States as an oligarchy where the rich get richer and the poor get manipulated by moneyed intere--oh crap

Business:  Ryanair steps up talks for transatlantic service. Budget airline reportedly excited about opportunity to drop passengers and their luggage off on a continent they didn't want to go to rather than just a distant city  Standard General bids $145.5 million to buy out RadioShack. Bankruptcy lawyers brace to save Standard General after they throw away $145.5 million  Schwab suing shucker sharer... Schwab suing shucker sharer... Schwab shuing shucker sharer... damn
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7 Comments     (+0 »)
2015-03-23 12:47:45 PM  
I hear the Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
2015-03-23 12:54:10 PM  
ThepunchlinesweretoolongthankseverybodyI'llbehereallweekdon'tforgettot ipyourwaitressgoodnight!
2015-03-23 01:04:43 PM  
Kudos on the Schwab tongue twister
2015-03-23 01:52:52 PM  
First time one of my headlines made the headlines of the week!

/yeah, I know, it's not much
//but it's Monday, I need something to smile about
///slashies come in threes
2015-03-23 01:56:59 PM  

vescere bracis meis: I hear the Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

But she now really appreciates a good cigar and she isn't afraid to spread the word.
2015-03-23 03:21:27 PM  

vescere bracis meis: I hear the Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

hurr durr...I bet you left a bad taste in your own mouth when you found out a chance you had to use that old and tired joke.
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2015-03-23 09:04:13 PM  
You like me, you really like me.

Don't worry, I'm fully aware I'll be crushed in the end of year voting.

I couldn't think of a clever headline for BoxerBot and I'm glad somebody else did.
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