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Angry deaf man unable to call people assholes, a security tokin' on your computer, and Medal of Honor recipient jumps on a grenade: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/8 - 3/14
Posted by Unfreakable at 2015-03-16 9:31:26 AM (0 comments) | Permalink
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1499 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Mar 2015 at 8:10 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Some fun headlines this week. Enjoy

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2015-03-08 to Sat 2015-03-14:  Woman teaches new moms how to carry a baby and a handgun at the same time. Apparently it's for mothers who like to have 38s for self defense and for breast feeding  Suspects threaten victim with hypodermic needle during robbery, no shots reported  Entire town learns sign language to surprise deaf man. Deaf man angry he can no longer call everyone assholes without them knowing  Person found dead in Crystal Lake identified as missing teenager. Police are investigating the crime, but so far no one has been brought up on CH CH CH AH AH AHrges  How an advertising company put a 'marijuana cookie' on your computer to get weed legalized. I guess you could call it a (•_•) / ( •_•)⌐■-■ / (⌐■_■) security tokin'  FDA issues a warning for the anti-smoking drug Chantix. The dangers of smoking and quitting smoking are now dead even  DC stabbing victim forced to wait 30 minutes for ambulance, so his next stabbing is free  Seven-week-old baby says first word to his surprised mom. Word to your mother  Man teaches poodle to walk on hind legs dressed as schoolgirl. KINKY  Medal of Honor recipient jumps on a grenade  Woman with knife gets into fight with man over alcohol, leaves him with 4,000 holes in Blackburn, Lancashire

Sports:  Plaxico Burress wants to get into the stock investment game. Wall Street takes bets whether or not he'll shoot himself in the foot  Craig James calls Patriots support for gay marriage the work of Satan. So Bill Belichick WAS involved  The following NFL jerseys are now worthless: Graham - Saints, Gore - 49ers, Bradford - Rams, Foles - Eagles, T. Smith - Ravens, Ngata - Ravens, J. Thomas - Broncos, Cole - Eagles, Revis - Patriots, Manziel - Browns

Geek:  Warp in spacetime lets astronomers watch the same star explode four times. How does that happen? It's scientific, and involves a jump to the left. And then a step to the right  Google invests in projects to expand the human life expectancy to age 500. Congress immediately looks to raise the minimum age of Social Security to 430  Illinois state capital has just given Cobra Commander the key to the city, making him the 175th most corrupt official in the city

Entertainment:  Carrie Fisher on The Force Awakens: I have a bad feeling about this  Two Dog Night  New Bill Hicks album to be released this fall, to be followed by a new Denis Leary album soon after

Politics:  McConnell vows to "find some way" to raise the debt ceiling. "Locking the crazy members of the caucus in a broom closet during the vote" isn't out of the realm of possibility yet  Maker of AP study guide apologizes for test that linked Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and the KKK as both belonging to the "reactionary/fascist" part of the political spectrum. Unclear which of them the apology was directed towards  DNC: Welp, that's it. Whether we like it or not, we're stuck with Hillary 2016. Martin O'Malley: Hey guys, what about me? DNC: Yup, absolutely no one wants to step up. *stuffs O'Malley in broom closet*

Business:  Dunkin' Donuts to remove whitening agent from powdered sugar - thereby making donuts once again the go-to choice for the health conscious  Average cost of a U.S. wedding is now $31,213, which is a lot of money just for a woman to get a new name and a dress  Overstrength British cider called Frosty Jack's declared "a public health hazard" in the best advertising the company ever had. At least since it suggested its customers try drinking it from a glass for once
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