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Roll Pride, chicks nix dicks pics, and the terrible screech of dial-up sheep: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/8 - 2/14
Posted by Unfreakable at 2015-02-16 9:11:02 AM (4 comments) | Permalink
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1517 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Feb 2015 at 9:40 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Hope you guys enjoy these headlines as much as I did.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2015-02-08 to Sat 2015-02-14:  Round fire burns eleven square miles. Solve for the circumference  Roll Pride  Boston will dump excess snow into harbor. Because that's their solution to everything  ime travel. Quantum experiment proves t  Jon Stewart announces his retirement from The Daily Show after it was revealed he didn't really save John Oliver from a burning helicopter while taking fire from a Cub Scout pack  Fat Leonard's taint leaves three admirals in the crapper  Chicks nix dicks pics  Middle school students given word puzzles based on 'Fifty Shades of Grey' erotica. School district officials would not comment on whether any teachers or staff have been disciplined, though many have expressed interest  Modern forensics reveals that King Richard III died after being criticaled with a halberd for 1d10 x3 piercing damage  Woman with artificial vagina made from pig intestine says now she's ready to pork  8:47 pm on Valentine's Day is officially the time that most British couples will be having sex - probably because something they want to watch starts at 8:50 pm

Sports:  Adam Silver not done fixing the NBA. I thought the NBA had been fixed for years  Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos meet, but nothing happens. So, just like the playoffs  MLB now considering changing the strike zone. Hopefully this time they'll pass the word along to the umpires

Geek:  WiFi enabled sheep seen as a boon to rural farmers who are happy to be rid of the terrible screeching of the dial-up sheep  Farmer breeds an onion that won't make you cry. He's now working on spilled milk  "Why is Facebook blocking Native American users for having 'fake' names?", asked Two Dogs Farking

Entertainment:  Lady Gaga runs into Ed Sheeran at the Grammys, mistakes him for a waiter. He tells her it's okay, he mistook her for a washed up drag queen  Kanye West says he's the next John Lennon. Let's see, he's married to an insufferable harpy with no real talent and he's an overrated musician who owes his success to people with more talent. Sounds about right  William H. Macy wants a moratorium on scenes where things get shoved up his butt

Politics:  Senate approves Botticelli as drug czar, believe his linear style exemplifies the grace of the Renaissance  I'm coming (That's what Xi said)  A number of Republican-led states are considering giving tax increases to the poor and tax cuts to the rich - that way everybody gets something

Business:  Alan Greenspan: The euro is finished, fertig, verfallen, verlumpt, verblunget, verkackt and generally shtupped  HP predicts "major cyber attack" sometime between this afternoon and mid-February 2020. It's like they can see the future  Western Union 4Q earnings rise 28% on the strength of its mobile sector, banking department, telegraph division
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4 Comments     (+0 »)
2015-02-16 10:17:31 AM  
Loved the "Chix" and "What Xi said" headlines. A good week all in all.
2015-02-16 10:43:53 AM  
Yay, I got one, just not the one I thought would make it here.
2015-02-16 02:05:05 PM  
Whoa. Six in one week? A new personal best right there.
2015-02-16 02:52:23 PM  
Some nice use of the tags this week, like that William Macy one.
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