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The joy of sects, tyrannosaur gangs, and feathered little bags of shiat: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 7/20 - 7/26
Posted by Unfreakable at 2014-07-28 2:23:37 PM (2 comments) | Permalink
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1372 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jul 2014 at 2:31 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Have a great week, everybody.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2014-07-20 to Sat 2014-07-26:  Woman leaves her husband after losing her sense of smell. Hmm seems like it would be the other way around  If two trains on Saturday night collide roughly 30 miles from Milwaukee causing 5,000 gallons of diesel to spill, 10 cars to derail, and 100 homes to be evacuated within a half-mile radius, what is the value of X?  It was lupus  Police seek men who stole 144 pairs of lingerie. Gross  Judge refuses to release a 551 pound man from house arrest. His wife was crushed  Cops seek answers in professor's slaying. Promptly distribute blue books to neighbors and potential witnesses  Please note: there are several useful things one can say when running into a convenience store while billowing smoke and flames, but "I'm on fire" is really just stating the obvious  Tooth Fairy declares bankruptcy  Pineapple upside-down truck  After investigating for three years, aviation authorities say helicopter crash was caused by "failure to maintain clearance" near mountains. In related news, flying into a mountain makes you crash  Fire destroys bloodmobile; blood bank trying to B positive about it  

Sports:  The following loss takes place between the 15th stage and 16th stage of the Tour de France  Charles Woodson says the Raiders are in "win now" mode, which is a lot like saying the Israelis are in "peace now" mode  Texas Longhorns football media guide misspells the word "Texas" 200 times. University promises to never again use team members as proofreaders  

Geek:  Computer scientists decode birdsong, discover what the feathered little bags of shiat think is so important that they have to scream it at each other outside your window at 5 a.m. every day  MIT research develops a new sponge that uses solar energy to convert water into steam. Researchers considering calling it a Useless Brother-in-Law, which also lays around and does nothing but convert energy into gas all day  It turns out the ancient world was terrorized by tyrannosaur gangs straight out of Chompton  

Entertainment:  George Harrison memorial destroyed by beetles  Ted Nugent's show canceled over "racist and hate-filled remarks," or what was otherwise known as "The Ted Nugent Show"  John Travolta can't stop his gay lover from opening his mouth anymore  

Politics:  Cambodian rivals come together to end political deadlock over dinner. A sort of pol pot, as it were  Sarah Palin finally gets her name at the top of the ticket  "Hezbollah and Hamas may join forces" Ah, the joy of sects  

Business:  Microsoft didn't announce 18,000 layoffs last week. That was a synergy-related headcount restructuring  McDonald's, Taco Bell apologize for selling expired garbage meat, saying they actually meant to sell unexpired garbage meat  Aversion to white flour leaves Americans with a loathe of bread
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2 Comments     (+0 »)
2014-07-28 05:29:47 PM  
Last Post
2014-07-28 06:03:06 PM  
There's a lot of good ones in there....

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