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Nickel back sucks, Germans get off by Gotze, and murderous amoeba: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 7/13 - 7/19
Posted by Unfreakable at 2014-07-21 2:18:12 PM (0 comments) | Permalink
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1340 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Jul 2014 at 2:32 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

A good week for headlines. More than halfway through the year now, and submitters are stepping up.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2014-07-13 to Sat 2014-07-19:  Moviegoers have to jump off a high ledge to escape a fire. It was like something straight out of a novel  Teenage boy kept wondering why people kept telling him to stop standing up on top of the double-decker bus. And then it hit him  Salvage crews to begin raising the Concordia this week. Admiral Tolwyn hopes to finish the operation before the Kilrathi can attack again  Epcot monorail evacuated after lightning strikes a transformer. Department spokesman Lyle Lanley insists the craft was safe, even though monorails in Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook suffered similar accidents  This just in: Nickel back sucks  Here are Rolling Stone's five most dangerous guns in America. I'm betting they list Kurt Cobain's shotgun as #1, because they always have to have Nirvana at the top of their lists  Amoeba found guilty of murdering young girl, to spend life in single cell  The dolphins have declared war, and this time it's on porpoise  Robbers chase man in bikini and high heels down the street. Police putting out a drag net for the thieves  Typhoon Rammasun is headed to China as it kills at least ten in the Philippines, predicts that Romney will win the 2012 presidential election by 7 points  On the bright side, Malaysian Air knows where this one is  

Sports:  Paul Pierce agrees to a 2-year, $11 million deal with the Wizards after holding out for best handicapped parking spot  Germans get off by Gotze. Ewwww  Tim Howard wants to know if the Knicks have cap space for him. Knicks reportedly mystified by concept of somebody playing defense  

Geek:  Smell, eye test could be early warning system for Alzheimer's. Because if you can smell your eyes, you may just have a problem  New plant species found in West Texas. Botanists are calling it a 'tree'  Lonely biologist names newly discovered water mite species after Jennifer Lopez, citing its unusually large opisthosoma  

Entertainment:  Director announced for The Ring 3. Plot expected to revolve around mysterious videotape that no one can watch because no one knows what a VCR is  Casey Kasem's children say their dad's body is missing. Stepmother says she would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids  What if I told you there's gonna be a Mike Tyson cartoon where Mike Tyson solves mysteries, aided by the Mike Tyson Mystery Team: the Ghost of the Marquess of Queensbury, Mike's adopted Korean daughter, and a pigeon who was once a man? No YOU shut up  

Politics:  Have you ever seen something like Rick Perry beating a Central American child before? What the? Is that Rand Paul's music playing? My god King, he's got the steel potato in his hands!  Even though the establishment won the GOP Civil War, don't expect big changes in Tea Party rhetoric. The Tea Party attracts the type of folks who don't accept the loss and aftereffects of Civil Wars  Obama administration decides to not try key Benghazi suspect  

Business:  Brics combine to create $100bn development bank after Straws and Sticks collapse  Hindu community up in arms over Urban Outfitters duvet cover featuring deity Ganesh  Amazon considers starting a revolutionary "Netflix-like" service to provide books, an innovative concept known to the rest of the world as "going to the library"
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