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Tony Gwynn signs with the Angels, Han won't shoot first, and the AV club is finally cool. Suck it, sibs, these are Fark's Headlines of the Week for 6/15 - 6/21
Posted by Unfreakable at 2014-06-23 4:12:34 PM (5 comments) | Permalink
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1374 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jun 2014 at 4:26 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Enjoy the headlines, folks.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2014-06-15 to Sat 2014-06-21:  Coughing has reached epidemic levels in California. Can I get a "Whoop whoop"?  Pope Francis and the Archbishop of Canterbury to team up to fight human trafficking in what is expected to be the weirdest buddy-cop movie concept ever  Kim Jong Un emerges from his lair, predicts six more years of brutal totalitarianism  Why video games are meant to be played at your house with friends and not online with strangers. For you hardcore gamers, 'friends' are complicated NPCs with whom you can interact over long periods of time, engaging in barter and missions  The seven signs you're in a cult. I was going to make a joke, but the punch line was too long  Therapist arrestedafter reportof sexualassault  Family Research Council says that gay sex is way more sinful than incest. Suck it, sibs  Conservationists push to triple America's grizzly bear population. What could possibly go horribly, terrifyingly, limb-rendingly wrong?  Family claims exotic spider monkeys are living in rural Virginia county. You'd think other people would notice monkeys with eight legs  One million Iraqis have fled from ISIS. Number expected to rise once civilians are counted  Someone is starting an Open Carry Guitar rally. The only way they'll get banned from Chipotle is if someone plays Maroon 5 on it  

Sports:  Tony Gwynn has signed with the Angels  U.S. Patent and Trademark office finds the D.C. football team's name offensive and cancels the trademark. Now we're going to have to come up with a replacement for the name "Washington"  No one expects the Spanish elimination  

Geek:  Artificial Vaginas to become a thing soon, finally making the AV Club a cool thing to be a part of  Elon Musk: "Fark NASA. I'll put humans on Mars in 2026" Well I'm sure bits of humans will rain down on Mars, maybe even Jupiter too  Science experiment proves that pedestrian bridges can withstand the weight of a Ford Explorer. At least I think that guy was a scientist  

Entertainment:  Richard Dreyfuss' wife arrested for DUI after hit-and-run accident. Upon hearing the news, Dreyfuss made a perfect replica of the Betty Ford Clinic using only mashed potatoes  Han's scenes won't shoot first  Aaliyah's family is trying to block Lifetime's upcoming film about the dead singer. Maybe they could get Donnie Iris to do the score and that would make everyone happy  

Politics:  US Military Captures Obama  Today: "House GOP plans to cut funding to the IRS and SEC." Two months from now: "House GOP wonder why the IRS and SEC can't do their jobs" Four months from now: "Democrats retake House"  President Obama has issued the fewest executive orders of any President since Grover Cleveland in the 1890s. Obviously, this means he can't even be a lawless, power mad dictatorial usurper correctly  

Business:  Harley Davidson is introducing an electric motorcycle, so you'll just have to make those loud, obnoxious noises with your mouth to show everyone how cool you are  Velveeta cheese recalled for not having enough preservatives. Affected batch have a "best used by" date of December 17, 2078  Chobani has "deceived millions" because their Greek yogurt isn't Greek enough and is, in fact, closer to a Nestle ice cream bar. WELL I NEVER knew people were too stupid to read a nutrition label
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5 Comments     (+0 »)
2014-06-23 04:39:38 PM  
I like the incest one and punch line one
2014-06-23 04:47:55 PM  

Mrs.Sharpier: I like the incest one and punch line one

I didn't get the punch line one at first. Was happy I read that thread or I would have missed it completely.
2014-06-23 05:19:37 PM  
Dreyfuss and the mashed potatoes is outstanding.
2014-06-23 05:35:53 PM  
woo! first week back from vacation and pulled off 2 geek headlines, a politics one and a main page one. Whoop whoop!

2014-06-23 10:16:14 PM  
Yeah, I expect the punch line one to return for HOTY.  That one was gold.
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