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Dunkin Donuts to expand California, church shooting leaves one holey, and an alternate universe where we can't implicitly trust strippers: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 6/8 - 6/14
Posted by Unfreakable at 2014-06-17 4:26:26 PM (0 comments) | Permalink
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1282 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jun 2014 at 4:32 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Back at you. Enjoy the headlines, everybody.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2014-06-08 to Sat 2014-06-14:  School bans sunblock, resulting in child getting bad sunburn. They better aloe it now  Male faces evolved to take punches, making Ted Cruz the perfect man  Couple arrested for having sex on the beach. Guess they should have stuck with margaritas  Strip clubs in NY paid strippers to roofie patrons, and run up tens of thousands of dollars on the customers' credit cards. I don't think I want to live in a world where we can't implicitly trust strippers anymore  Overweight childminder tries to have obesity declared a disability. Farkers nod approvingly, their jowls undulating like waves, sweat glistening in folds like an ocean sunset, breath heaving like a dirty phone call  Church shooting in Arizona leaves one angel, another one holey  Car crashes into lobby of CNN Center, is immediately suspected of being a piece of Flight MH370  Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl goes from one hot hellhole in the desert that's controlled by religious extremists to another  Introducing the first café that caters to people with Alzheimer's, where there's always something new on the menu  Dog falls 16 stories and survives. That's the equivalent of a human falling 112 stories  Good news, ladies living in Alaska. You can now get free pregnancy tests in bar bathrooms, the same place you can get condoms, cigarettes, tampons, before and after mints, edible underwear, fake tattoos and in some cases dinner  

Sports:  Cavaliers offered John Calipari their coaching job. "He wins 25 to 30 games a year at Kentucky, so we think he'll fit right in in Cleveland," said the comic-sans press release  The last time Netherlands beat Spain this decisively, Philip IV was forced to recognize them as an sovereign nation  World Cup referees run six miles during a match, two additional miles after making a game ending call against the home team  

Geek:  Rats feel remorse for making bad decisions, which puts them one step up from investment bankers  Monarch butterflies are vanishing. Dr. Girlfriend distraught  Scientists now say dinosaurs were neither hot-blooded nor cold-blooded, but j-u-s-t right  

Entertainment:  Tracy Morgan will not lose his leg, should still be able to take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant  Ice Cube casts his son to play Ice Cube in the upcoming NWA biopic. No word on how good an actor Ice Chip is  Canadian company DHX has been chosen to produce new episodes of Teletubbies. There will be a few changes, such as the Baby in the Sun wearing a toque, and the televisions in their stomachs showing Tim Horton's commercials  

Politics:  Iraqi Prime Minister blames ISIS for recent attack upon Mosul, over-reliance on phrasing  We now have proof that the President paid a ransom of $300,000 to an Al-Qaeda affiliated terrorist group to secure the release of an American hostage. Are you outraged? Do you want him impeached over this? Too late, he left office Jan 20, 2009  Obama loses even more democratic support as flaming liberal Eric Cantor loses Virginia primary to Tea Party challenger Dave Brat  

Business:  Netflix emails a "No" to Verizon's cease and desist letter, response should show up sometime next week in Verizons Inbox  Dunkin' Donuts to expand California  Real estate agents all agree that Zillow's "Zestimates" are full of zhit
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