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Boehner not enough of a deterrent to tanning bed use, Carney folds up his tent, and fruit acquires vegetable: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 5/25 - 5/31
Posted by Unfreakable at 2014-06-02 1:46:26 PM (4 comments) | Permalink
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1543 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jun 2014 at 2:23 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Happy summer, everybody. Here are some good headlines from last week that you might have missed. Enjoy

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2014-05-25 to Sat 2014-05-31:  Man dies after coffee machine fell on top of him. Friends described him as always being good 'til the last drop  Pope says priest "celibacy door open to change." Probably meaning the front door, as the back-door has always gotten a lot of use  Russian fisherman snags 4,000-year-old Bronze Age statue in his net, exciting archeologists who say bronze used to be the most important metal in the world, unlike today where its only use is to make medals for Canadian athletes in Olympics  Man goes out on limb, robs bank branch with stick, leaves  ♬ 223 Nigerian girls in the camp. 223 Nigerian girls. ♬ Four see a break, make their escape. ♬ 219 Nigerian girls in the camp. ♬  Fruit acquires vegetable  Smoking e-cigarettes is good for you. We tested it. Once. On a monkey. He was called Biggles. He died. But not because of the e-cigarettes. Actually it was from syphilis. NO MORE QUESTIONS  Cat owners tend to be more intelligent than dog owners, according to report that had to be read out loud to ferret owners  Shinsacki  Carney folds up tent, leaves town  Bowe knows freedom  

Sports:  JBL markets Bluetooth speaker with built-in carabiner, geared towards climbers. Tom Petty's "Free Fallin" mp3 included at no extra charge  LA Clippers are now Windows compatible  Mark Sanchez thinks that Philadelphia was the best place for him to sign. Presumably because he hasn't tried wearing a Santa outfit yet  

Geek:  Congratulations, Amanda, you're the first hurricane to wander aimlessly off the coast of Mexico this year, though certainly not the last Amanda to blindly bob up and down near Mazatlan this season  Computer science professor does a study of what other computer science professors are studying, get stuck in an endless loop  Scientists have finally defined premature ejaculation. Critics say study could have gone longer if it had really wanted to  

Entertainment:  All My Children villain dead at 69. OR IS HE?  Patrick Swayze's widow remarries, presumably to a man she met at a ceramics class  George Michael rushed to the hospital after falling at home. Doctors claim it's too early to tell if he's ever going to dance again  

Politics:  LGBT group demands apology for Utah Governor's "hate speech". This never would've happened with Randolph Scott ( ♫Raaaaaandoooolph Scooooott♫ )  Illinois demonstrates its superior compassion in health care by spending $12 million on care for dead people, and will deal with this by trading the corpses to New York for several thousand Democratic voters to be named later  Republicans slowly embracing marijuana, which is good because if they go too fast they'll just cough and waste it  

Business:  CEO of Nabors receives record $68 million pay package. G-o-l-l-y, Sur-prise, sur-prise, sur-prise  Amazon encourages readers of Hachette books to purchase them from one of their competitors. The online retail giant then added, "Good luck finding one. Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha (inhale) hahahahahahahahahahaha"  FDA to post warnings labels on tanning beds. Apparently a picture of John Boehner was not enough of a deterrent
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4 Comments     (+0 »)
2014-06-02 04:01:53 PM LA Clippers are now Windows compatible


i1182.photobucket.comView Full Size
2014-06-02 06:38:54 PM  
I like the ferret one and the soap star one.
2014-06-02 07:03:09 PM  
Congrats Capt. Roid!
2014-06-03 10:30:15 AM  
Some of these are more hackneyed than Nancy Kerrigan.  Just sayin'
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