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Russia demonstrates a rocket with Return to Earth capability, Olivia Munn returns to the world of cosplay as a beard, and CHiPs on the scene of an avocado spill: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 5/11 - 5/17
Posted by Unfreakable at 2014-05-20 4:46:02 PM (2 comments) | Permalink

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2982 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 May 2014 at 6:47 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Some fun headlines last week. Still chuckling over the thought of a restaurant giving a kid a triple-shot of espresso and a puppy. Pure horror.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2014-05-11 to Sat 2014-05-17:  Malaysia to roll out new electric car sharing program, hope it works better than recent foray into single-use airplane seats  English hotel dubbed a "death trap" by inspectors after they find caved-in ceilings, inoperative fire alarms and chained fire exits. Owner blamed waiter for the problems, explaining he was from Barcelona  A lawyer used a device powered by a 1.5 volt battery to zap a witness who said that 1.5 volts couldn't be felt by a person, so of course he's been charged with battery  Restaurant gives meal discount to children who behave while eating there, a triple shot of espresso and a puppy to those who don't  Avocado truck spills load in Southern California, CHiPs are there  US aircraft are now flying over Nigeria looking for the kidnapped schoolgirls, because if anything can find a Muslim wedding it's a predator drone  Transformer explodes in Turkish coal mine killing 151, over 200 still missing. Authorities say there may be more than meets the eye  Elderly woman's Depends® mistaken for a bomb, prompting shopping center evacuation. After questioning, suspect released on her own incontinence  WHO: MERS not sers, no1curs  A cat in Nashville is recovering from being shot in both front legs and is ready for a peaceful Caturday. But he says he won't truly rest until he finds the man who shot his paw  Man killed in the middle of doing yoga. Police do not believe the murder was pre-meditated  

Sports:  Olivia Munn makes surprising return to the world of cosplay as a beard  Aaron Hernandez indicted on two counts of murder, which will have to wait until he finishes his first trial for murder. Judge says that if he could manage to walk from the courtroom back to his cell without murdering anybody, that would be swell  Royals announcer Rex Hudler mistakes the moon for a planet, but c'mon - announcers used to do that all the time talking about Barry Bonds' head  

Geek:  Scientists find fossilized sperm in near-perfect state of preservation. They also suggest maybe you should wash that sock once in a while  Not to be outdone by SpaceX, Russia demonstrates a rocket with Return to Earth capability  Goggle bays safe wares come penny that trains slates otter land gauges  

Entertainment:  Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit directs an eHarmony commercial, which is the first time Limp Bizkit and harmony were ever used in the same sentence  Little boy from Michael Jackson's Pepsi ad files suit, claiming the King Of Pop made him his choice for a nude penetration  Two and a Half Men to end after season 12. In other news, Laugh track makers are preparing to lose their biggest customer  

Politics:  West Virginia Republican primary winner, who unseated a two-term state delegate on Tuesday, seen the next day wearing a 17-year-old high school girl's underwear  Politico: "Karl Rove is right." Now who can argue with that? I think we're all indebted to Politico for clearly stating what needed to be said. Not only was it authentic deranged gibberish, it expressed a courage little seen in this day and age  New app puts you in touch with your congressperson to give them immediate feedback on what they're working on. Will include autocorrect for commonly used words and phrases like douchebag, jackass, and "corrupt clownf*cking assmonkey"  

Business:  Samsung Chairman has a heart attack. Apple lawyers claim it looks a lot like the one that Steve Jobs was once rumoured to have had  Colorado college teaches the business of marijuana. Classes to start at about 1:30, with a long break at 4:20  GM to employees: Please don't use words like "asphyxiating," "deathtrap," "disemboweling," "genocide," "grenadelike," "Hindenburg," "powder keg," "rolling sarcophagus," "Titanic," and "you're toast"
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2 Comments     (+0 »)
2014-05-21 11:25:37 AM  
A lot of good ones this week!
2014-05-21 01:07:05 PM  

Perturbance: A lot of good ones this week!

This week was epic!  I was reading this on my iPad while lying down with my kitty on my chest when I read the Michael Jackson headline, and just cracked up hard, and she was looking at me all like, "what's going on?!  Why are you moving?"

One of the best this week wasn't even funny--the Predator drone strike headline.  That has just the right sting of political satire and matches the sentiment of the local Fark Groupthink.
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