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Masseuse snatches Rolex, Chinese may have found range to MH370 with one ping only, and the Gary Busey Hypothesis: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/30 - 4/5
Posted by Unfreakable at 2014-04-07 12:31:20 PM (4 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog, Rolex, Fark

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1594 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Apr 2014 at 1:46 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Welcome back to a new week of headlines, everybody. Some strong headlines this week--a few good ones didn't make it.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2014-03-30 to Sat 2014-04-05:  Masseuse snatches $35,000 Rolex  Bisexual woman tired of stereotypes that try to force her into a box  Seekers of the holy grail say they never expected the Spanish exhibition  What light through yonder windshield breaks  Cheer up, men: It turns out women actually enjoy faking orgasms. Or else they're telling researchers that to make them feel better  Jeffrey Dahmer's childhood home for sale, with a fantastic dining room that is perfect for having friends for dinner  Left-handed people have better sex? That ain't right  Masturbating yogi hurls dead animal at cop in national park. Boo-boo?  Authorities say Fort Hood Shoot showed no signs of Suicidal Tendencies, so they considered him a Minor Threat  Should we be in favor of the pro-orgasm movement? Yes yes YES YES OH GOD YES YES YES  Chinese verify range to target, one ping only  

Sports:  Don Baylor gets a leg up on Jose Reyes  Tiger Woods now resting after successful back surgery. Apparently doctors were able to remove all the fragments from what appears to be an old 9 iron  Michael Schumacher having moments of consciousness, first spoken words reported to be "It was the Stig, the STIG"  

Geek:  Miso soup protects against cancer. Miso horny increases risk of STDs  Researchers find the smaller your teeth, the smarter you are in what they have tentatively called "the Gary Busey hypothesis"  Underground ocean found on moon of Saturn. Search for MH370 to start there Monday  

Entertainment:  Miley Cyrus devastated after death of her dog. No word yet on whether the gunshot was self-inflicted  Paula Deen closes restaurant after finding out she is no longer in the black  Why the next late-night TV show host should be a woman. Or if one is not available, Chelsea Handler  

Politics:  Bowser wins Democratic mayoral primary for Washington, DC. Expected to lose to Mario (R-Mushroom Kingdom) in the general  Sean Hannity "investigates" Spring Break, wakes up the next morning to Gretchen Carlson and a goat  15-20% aren't paying their Taftcare premiums. Subby wanted McKinley Single Payer anyway  

Business:  Congressional report says that regulators ignored a "pattern of problems" at GM. A pattern of problems meaning Vega, Chevette, Cimarron, Aztec  After 60 years, Philip Morris closes Australian cigarette plant. 180 workers given second hand stock  Brookstone files Chapter 11 on news that maybe, just MAYBE, there isn't really a big market for combination radio/juice extractor/foot massager/bluetooth speaker/hemorrhoid donut/wine decanter/overnight bag/nose hair trimmer thingies
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4 Comments     (+0 »)
2014-04-07 01:42:34 PM  
2014-04-07 02:10:09 PM  

somedude210: How the heck did this not make it last week?

Obama calls Ryan budget a "stinkburger", Ryan calls Obama administration a bunch of "poopyheads", Biden calls Ryan's wife

That one did make me laugh.
2014-04-07 02:27:57 PM  
The "one ping only" headline would have been gold had "ping" been capitalized.
2014-04-08 07:41:16 AM  

Demetrius: somedude210: How the heck did this not make it last week?

Obama calls Ryan budget a "stinkburger", Ryan calls Obama administration a bunch of "poopyheads", Biden calls Ryan's wife

That one did make me laugh.

I did both that and the Hannity discovering Spring Break one. I always liked the Biden one better. I didn't even think the Hannity one was upvoted at all
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