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Two small mediums at large, beef that cuts itself, and why a python will spend the next four months compiling: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/2 - 3/8
Posted by Unfreakable at 2014-03-11 2:33:07 PM (0 comments) | Permalink
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1634 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2014 at 2:42 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Headlines of the Week, everybody. Hope one of yours is in there this week.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2014-03-02 to Sat 2014-03-08:  Mother, 53, arrested for battering daughter, 25, with used diaper, complains it's a bum wrap  Sixteen dead horses found on Georgia farm. Man facing charges, rental requests from U.S. House of Representatives  Police launch statewide investigation of pictures of naked teen girls, promise to continue a full and thorough investigation until they're either completely exhausted or the chafing prevents them from continuing  The headline that defines Australia: Man lost on own property after drinking beers, following dingo  A pair of female hypnotists in Germany are putting victims into a trance before robbing them. Local police report there are two small mediums at large  Al Gore hired Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson to direct this winter's weather. How else do you explain why it's had five logical endings, yet it just keeps going  Chimpanzees and children show different expressions when faced with impossible problems, suggesting that either determination is a uniquely human trait, or monkeys have just gotten used to scientists screwing with them  Blind man robbery suspect arrested. He would have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for that wall, the stairs, a couple of trees  Legoland receives threats, most likely plastic explosives  British man gets suspended sentence after being caught trying to have sex with a cow and a sheep in front of a couple having a romantic picnic. Did that couple ever think maybe they were disturbing this poor man's romantic evening?  Book returned to Kansas library after 21 years...Dewey prosecute him?  

Sports:  Jacksonville Jaguars start up a new fan initiative "Jags365", under the failed premise that anyone wants to think about the Jaguars more than they have to  Aaron Hernandez charged after beating defenseless opponent. Surprisingly the victim wasn't the Buffalo Bills  ʇǝǝɹƃ puɐ ʇǝǝɯ ɐ puɐ sʇǝʞɔᴉʇ ƃuᴉɹǝɟɟo ʎq suɐɟ ɹᴉǝɥʇ oʇ dn ʇᴉ sǝʞɐɯ ɯɐǝʇ ɹǝɔɔos ɐ 'soƃol uʍop ǝpᴉsdn ɥʇᴉʍ sʇɹᴉɥs ƃuᴉʇuᴉɹd ʎllɐʇuǝpᴉɔɔɐ ɹǝʇɟ∀  

Geek:  Research involving two strains of rats, cans of vanilla frosting, and a theory have helped to find a cure for binge eating, because apparently the best way to put someone off snacking is to give them a vanilla frosted rat  Python swallows crocodile whole, will spend next four months compiling  Researchers find that cows who survive an encounter with wolves can suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder-like symptoms. But, hey, at least you get beef that cuts itself  

Entertainment:  Man who claims to be Michael Jackson's long lost son is going public with DNA evidence to back up his claim. Though to be fair, this isn't the first time a young man has reported he was filled with Michael Jackson's DNA  The bike from "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" is for sale. Asking price is currently $25,000, but maybe they'll whack off a little for you  A tornado, an elderly driver, a Johnny Carson sex tape. *opens envelope* What are three frightening things that have hit the market?  

Politics:  There's an ancient Vulcan proverb: Only Kerry could go to Kiev  Garry Kasparov blasts Obama's response to the Russian military presence in the Ukraine, says the troops should start with the Ruy Lopez, followed by the Queen's Gambit and end with the Sicilian Defense  California gubernatorial candidate compares Obama to Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Kim Jong Il, King George III, Klingons, Vader, Attila the Hun, Genghis Khan, Pol Pot, Ma Kettle, Hugo Black, Caligula, Nero, the Borg, and...Methodists  

Business:  Home Depot's new president is being groomed as CEO. It's nice to see that there is still a chance to make it to the top from being just below the top  Cerberus to buy Safeway, says it will develop plan to allow customers through the door  Once again, Sbarro files for sbankruptcy
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