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Georgia becomes Mad Max sequel, Chris Christie fits under a bus, and an update on the English porksword that graced the mouth of a ten dollar hooker: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/26 - 2/1
Posted by Unfreakable at 2014-02-03 12:04:33 PM (7 comments) | Permalink

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2875 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Feb 2014 at 12:23 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Posting this week's thread with a crushing headline and a disappointment in yesterday's mauling by the Seattle Seahawks. That is all.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2014-01-26 to Sat 2014-02-01:  Mysterious 'Lard-like' substance found on beaches called 'not toxic', appears to simply be 'vacationing Americans'  "Loss of control" blamed in plane crash. Also, the ground  Georgia gets dusting of snow, turns into Mad Max sequel  Australians are hoping to deport all immigrants who spit and swear which, if successful, will make the remaining 2% very happy  Good: Apartment complex is home to tenants. Bad: Apartment complex is home to tengazillionants  Woman dies after her scarf becomes stuck in escalator. Authorities suggest the public take steps to avoid any recurrence  Snake bite causes $89,000 hospital bill. It would have been less but the snake demanded a private room  Dead kangaroo found tied to a chair as if it had been tried and convicted in some sort of mock court  US medical board now allows gynecologists to treat men, but only if they have seen at least two Lifetime Original movies in the last six months, and really listen to what their wives have to say  Massachusetts bans throwing away leftovers because don't you know there are starving children in Dorchester and will you PLEASE sit up straight and not roll your eyes while your governor is talking to you  Razor blades found inside butter purchased at NJ supermarket, which is a great deal considering how much razor blades cost  

Sports:  Tony Stewart believes he will be ready to race in time for the Daytona 500. Just this week he's already punched out three members of his own pit crew  Amar'e Stoudemire buys horse farm. Horse is listed as day-to-day with knee trouble  Washington State ferries to be renamed for Seahawk players this Sunday. The 'M/V Marshawn Lynch' will depart from Kitsap Peninsula, smash into coastlines, pleasure boats, and various exposed rocks before reaching Seattle harbor safely  

Geek:  Killer genes that trigger cancer and diabetes in Homo sapiens may have been unwelcome inheritance from revenge-minded Neanderthal ancestors. Too-late takeaway: never fark a Neanderthal  Dallas Aquarium creates peanut butter and jellyfish. Success of the experiment has reportedly led a local zoo to try to create Rhesus Pieces  Russian couple use Playstation 4 webcam to broadcast live sex session to all PS4 owners, leave gamers confused and outraged because it's the first time many have ever seen a real, live naked person  

Entertainment:  Nigella Lawson admits using cocaine, but she didn't inhale. She licked it sensually from the spoon with a truffle infused roux, French creamery butter, gracefully julienned asparagus spears, and a decadent chocolate-covered brioche for dessert  The English porksword that graced the mouth of a ten dollar hooker in LA has sired three kids in fifteen months  The host of "Ghost Adventures" purchased a $35,000 home he believes is the portal to hell. And before you laugh, the home is in Gary, Indiana so it's already halfway true  

Politics:  Romney's son claims recently released documentary would've won him the election had it come out sooner, saying it shows the "regular guy" side of Mitt, like the time he fed his horse ballerina Rafalca ossifrage eggs in aspic in his yacht elevator  Breaking news: apparently Chris Christie can actually fit under a bus  Keystone pipeline protesters promise vigils, civil disobedience, and hilariously clumsy and incompetent hijinks at 16 frames per second  

Business:  Honda becomes first Japanese auto importer/exporter to concentrate more on the exporting rather than the importing, according to trade analyst Art Vandelay  Zynga cuts 15% of their workforce, now plans on hiring migrant Farmville workers  Mattel 4Q earnings fall after steep decline of Barbie sales. Once again, officials blame it on a woman
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7 Comments     (+0 »)
2014-02-03 12:28:17 PM  
Also, the phrase "the English porksword that graced the mouth of a ten dollar hooker" is one of the best phrases I've ever read here. It's truly a thing of beauty.
2014-02-03 12:29:36 PM  
What's a "porks word"?

2014-02-03 12:29:43 PM  
Ha unfreakin ha

neversubmit: Headline do overTop Republicans say they stand by Chris Christie... because he's too fat to throw under a bus.


2014-02-03 12:42:14 PM  
I liked tied me kangaroo down, sport.
2014-02-03 12:52:36 PM  
I had strong hopes for this one. "Rob Ford finds $50M in gravy. I guess he really does have more than enough to eat at home"  Of course, I'm probably biased. It was mine.
2014-02-03 01:11:40 PM  
I liked the tenants / tengazilionants one.
2014-02-03 01:23:31 PM  
I laughed way too hard at the Rhesus Pieces one
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