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Discount Double Choke, LOHAN's thruster ready for hot coupling, and lab monkeys get their revenge on organ grinders: some of Fark's favorite headlines of the week for 11/3 - 11/8
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-11-12 7:50:14 AM (0 comments) | Permalink
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1163 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Nov 2013 at 7:53 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Some fun headlines last week. Enjoy

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2013-11-03 to Sat 2013-11-08:  Scientists determine King Tut was killed in a gruesome chariot accident. Ben Hur, done that  "Love Canal Still Oozing 35 years later." Probably should get that treated  Vocal coach arrested after utilizing unorthodox method of helping a 16 year-old boy hit the high notes  Former NSA staff member says he blew the whistle years before Snowden and with funnier headline  New UC-Berkeley study indicates that married couples where the wife calms down quickly during an argument are the happiest, although the existence of this type of wife is strictly theoretical  DNA needed from 100,000 volunteers, say researchers at the University of Your Mom  Fifteen percent of people don't think bisexuality is a real sexual orientation. The rest say they could go either way  Georgia teenager arrested for not getting out of bed to go to school. Police charge him with being a teenager  Anglerfish has 'The absolute worst sex on earth' according to writer who's never been to a Fark Party  School goes on lockdown after teen approached the principal, made the symbol for a pistol with his hand and said, "Bang, bang, bang." It was unknown if the hand was loaded, if the teen had a permit for the hand, or if he had additional hands  Swedes best in world at English. United Statez does rank like eigth or something  

Sports:  Chess grandmaster takes on 10 jail inmates blindfolded and wins, still has no idea what happened to his wallet and watch  Discount Double Choke  Miami Dolphins coaches told Richie Incognito to "toughen up" Jonathan Martin. YOU'RE GODDAMNED RIGHT THEY ORDERED THE CODE RED  

Geek:  Less obvious than it sounds: LOHAN's thruster ready for hot coupling  This week's news: Lab monkeys remotely control robots with their brains. Next week's news: CIA drone "accidentally" strikes conference of organ-grinders  Second wave of giant poisonous spiders hits England - the huntsman, known for its experience in Asia, its speed, its bite, its inability to thrive in the Republican party, and its hot daughters  

Entertainment:  Marilyn Manson appears without makeup in "Eastbound and Down" as "roller-skating nerd." Finally someone for Stevie to alpha-male  Cool: Lady Gaga to perform in space. Bad: Round-trip ticket  Taylor Swift honored with rare CMA award, which promptly breaks up with her  

Politics:  *Puts envelope to forehead* A smirk, a jerk, and it won't work  New Taliban chief is Mullah Fazlullah. Fee-Fi-Fo-Fatwa. I E D Go-Blamma. Islamofascist Banana  Obama: "No way I'd trade Biden for Hillary. Dude gets us waaaaaaaaay sluttier chicks. Oh man, this one time, he walked into this biker bar, hand to Allah, wearing chaps and nothing else. Walked out with four women and one bear"  

Business:  Mushroom Council promotes mushrooms by showing their health benefits, their nutritional value, their cleanliness and high morel standing  50 million Americans are now living in poverty. The rest are hoping to someday work their way back up to that level  S&P downgrades French credit rating from "Louis Malle" to "Jerry Lewis"
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