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Man who stabbed bird to death will now face a cockatoo in prison, drug to prevent premature ejaculation comes early, and Radio Shack employee gives away free battery: some of Fark's favorite headlines of the week for 9/29 - 10/5
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-10-08 7:31:34 AM (4 comments) | Permalink

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1543 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Oct 2013 at 8:46 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Some fun headlines this week. Enjoy

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2013-09-29 to Sat 2013-10-05:  Alitalia plane lands safely on its side after landing gear fails to extend, pilots credit hair under wings for cushioning impact  ExxonMobil to extend benefits to same sex couples, doesn't want to discriminate where someone does their drilling  Couple was having sex on train tracks. Guess who came unexpectedly  Man who stabbed bird to death gets 90 days in jail, where he will have to get used to a cockatoo for awhile  The construction of the USS Gerald R. Ford stumbles forward  Dwayne Johnson and family killed by the Rock  The Hunt for Dead October  Radio Shack employee charged after giving away a free battery  Princess Diana peeled off Parisian tunnel wall. Again  Officials say woman involved in today's incident at the Capitol had "no nexus to terrorism." No word on Nokia Lumia or iPhone involvement  Limerick woman goes for a drive // Takes her car on Route 5 // After acting quite rash // She's involved in a crash // If she's lucky she'll make it alive  

Sports:  Peyton Manning goes 28 for 34, for 327 yards and four touchdowns while recording two commercials as Broncos stampede the Eagles 52-20  Judge prevents former Yankee Chad Curtis from ever getting to 2nd base in the minors  Cleveland Indians had the highest priced playoff tickets in all of MLB, proving once again that any time there is a playoff ticket issued for a Cleveland team it becomes a rare collectors' item  

Geek:  Chimpanzees beat humans in memory tests, demonstrating yet one more way in which they would be more effective than our current batch of Congressmen  London Police use computer algorithms to predict where crimes will happen. Difficulty: When that was tried in the U.S., all that ever came up was a Google map of Wall Street  New drug developed to prevent premature ejaculation. Drug was set to be released in December but accidentally came out a few weeks early  

Entertainment:  Turns out Cher is friends with Stephen Hawking. No surprise, since they have the same singing voice  Ray Parker, Jr. sues for royalties for his Ghostbusters song, says he would have tried to claim them earlier but didn't know who to call  Mel Gibson suspected of taking steroids or HGH to bulk up for new Expendables film. Roger Goodell immediately suspends him for four movies  

Politics:  Jon Huntsman: Shutdown is wrecking the economy and you people are retards. HUNTSMAN 2016  Ted Cruz warns that the government shutdown could lead to a terrorist attack. Ted Cruz then immediately called for the arrest of the dangerous radical Ted Cruz before he can act again  Nine in ten Americans are unhappy with Washington, D.C. The other one in ten is a Jacksonville Jaguars fan who has an account at Bank of America and loves to fly United  

Business:  Comcast Sports Net in Houston declares bankruptcy. Media experts find it hard to imagine with the powerful TV lineup of the Astros and the Rockets  The number of people who realize Malcolm Gladwell's books are little more than popular pseudoscientific claptrap is beginning to reach some kind of critical point of exponential growth  CPS Energy in San Antonio to reduce EIP, presumably due to lack of quality BIE
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4 Comments     (+0 »)
2013-10-08 09:02:01 AM  
Fark has a blargh?

I'm old fashioned. I'll take the Wikipedia entry instead.
2013-10-08 09:19:59 AM  
There is only:

Princess Diana peeled of Parisian tunnel wall.  Again

2013-10-08 02:07:34 PM  
Why bother reading the list anymore? All the spoilers are in the headline, which kinda ruins the list. I would be ok to simply click the Headlines Of the Week link.
2013-10-08 07:30:28 PM  
My vote?
Nine in ten Americans....
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