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Blackberry jammed, street named after Mariano Rivera at risk of frequent closures, and Mount Sinabung erupts with delicious rolls and pastries: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/15 - 9/21
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-09-24 3:30:54 PM (6 comments) | Permalink

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1298 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Sep 2013 at 4:09 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Nothing to add this week; hope you like this batch. No, I said "batch". Damn filter blindness.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2013-09-15 to Sat 2013-09-21:  Salvage crews will undertake a daring attempt to raise the Concordia on Monday. Admiral Tolwyn hopes to complete operations before the Kilrathi can attack  The Costa Concordia has been righted, after so many wronged  Mount Sinabung erupts, causing panic as it rains down an assortment of delicious rolls and pastries  Man in critical condition after being hit by ice-cream truck. If only there was some sort of audible warning that an ice-cream truck was barreling down on you at break-neck speeds approaching 3 mph  Decapitated body found on subway tracks may have been man hit by train before he could head off to work  Kim Jong Un loves dolphins. Oh sure, they go 2-0 and everyone is on the bandwagon  Man in trouble with police after collecting 850 snakes at his home without formally registering his house as a law office  Indian man arrested for 'suspicious tea-drinking.' Judge makes brisk work of charges. Says police took a steep path, not to hold him oolong  Nickelodeon blacks out its channels with message to kids to go outside and play today. Hero tag applauds, gets winded running for the door, goes back to couch with kids and turns to My Little Pony on The Hub  There once was a man from Gigante / Who wished to be hung like a donkey / Alas, the blue pill / It made him quite ill / So finally they cut off his penis  Ordered pair of morons in Utah coordinate a scheme to intercept $15K worth of graphing calculators, creating a negative slope toward Pound-Me-In-The-Asymptote prison, where their concavities will become other prisoners' domain  

Sports:  Seattle Seahawks fans set new world's record for the loudest stadium ever In related news, the quietest stadium remains Jacksonville where the only sound heard is muffled sobbing  Bronx Yankee fans propose renaming River Avenue for Mariano Rivera. Out of town commuters immediately fear it may frequently close  WNBA Seattle Storm forced to play home playoff game in Tacoma due to lucrative private Microsoft event at arena. Abort, retry, or ignore?  

Geek:  Scientists claim humans can detect only 10 basic types of smell - 12 if you live in New Jersey  Trio of evolutionary biologists caution against rushing mitochondrial replacement trials until all possible effects on midi-chlorians and thetans can be assessed  Some brains may be hard-wired for chronic pain. Finally, an explanation why people continually see the latest Adam Sandler film  

Entertainment:  Billy Joel to receive Kennedy Award for Driving Excellence  Sir Elton John says, Lady Gaga is in a "dangerous place." Guessing he means a recording studio  Eminem's former Detroit home is up for auction. House is described as narrow on a wooded lot. Some might call it slim and shady  

Politics:  If the tanks-from those Yanks-slow their cranks-then you must give thanks-where the Russian sits: Putin on the blitz  Boehner gives in to the forces of People Ostensibly Targeting Anything Tangentially Obama-related  Germany supplied Syria with chemicals used to make sarin gas. Hey, when you want to learn how to gas thousands of people en masse, you turn to the experts  

Business:  8.4% of Americans consider themselves in the lower class. The other 91.6% hope that with hard work and dedication they can someday work up to that level  Walgreens offers cash to 160,000 employees purchase their own health insurance plans. Or as health benefits are known to Walgreens workers, "Aisle 3"  BlackBerry jammed
· · ·

6 Comments     (+0 »)
2013-09-24 04:50:15 PM  
I do so love a good Wing Commander reference
2013-09-24 04:56:17 PM  
Sorry I'm a little late, good job unfreakable! The man behind the Curtain!
2013-09-24 04:57:04 PM  
All three of the politics HOTW this week are worthy of HOTY consideration.  Especially the P.O.T.A.T.O. one.
2013-09-24 05:01:01 PM  
I dunno, I do like that biatch.

I mean Batch
2013-09-24 05:24:49 PM  

azpenguin: All three of the politics HOTW this week are worthy of HOTY consideration.  Especially the P.O.T.A.T.O. one.

Thank you! That was actually the second time getting that headline in (first time was just "Obama" not "Obama-related") in a 24 hr period
2013-09-24 07:13:43 PM  
The Sinabung one really stands out, I think.
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