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Manning's future leaks will be done sitting down, player gets his first RB eye, and Delta stewardesses request aisle phones: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/18 - 8/24
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-08-26 6:25:26 PM (6 comments) | Permalink
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2177 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Aug 2013 at 7:56 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Lots of great headlines last week, it was hard to pick from such a good field!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2013-08-18 to Sat 2013-08-24:  Domestic drone in San Francisco ends the life of a single man  Al Qaeda planning to target high speed rail, US perfectly safe  CHiPs (NBC Sun. 8pm EST): Ponch and Jon rescue a motorist (special guest star: Dick Van Dyke) from a burning car on the highway  Boy buried in dune for hours and spent weeks recovering in a hospital starts his first day of school, promises he's ready to assume the training necessary to become the Kwisatz Haderach  The case for getting drunk at work. Might take more than a case, but I'm listening  Powerful solar storm flare with superheated particles is currently surging toward Earth, but don't woɍɌy, y0u prŏþab1y woN't n0ti(e aNyƮh|nġ d\ffƏ®enŧ[%  Manning's future leaks will be done sitting down  San Diego Mayor Bob Filner to resign so he can spend more time sexually harassing his family  Nevada to face lawsuit for shipping mentally ill patients back to California. Officials deny wrongdoing, say they just put them on a Greyhound going from Las Vegas to Los Angeles and they all seemed to blend right in  Study finds that single men wash their sheets about four times per year, confirming the theory that the average single man has four dates per year  Harvard approves first BDSM student group. FLÜGGÅƎNKƋEČHIŒBØLSȆN  

Sports:  Houston Astros rookie Max Stassi gets his first ever RB Eye  Women take a stand against NFL's no bag policy, say it's discriminatory, inconvenient, will limit the number crying towels they can bring to Chiefs games  Notre Dame tops the nation in college football ticket prices with an average cost of $294, not including the collection plate  

Geek:  Research shows that multitasking may be 350 degrees for 1 hour, uncovered, then let cool $24.99 free shipping for Prime members FARK YOU TROLL holy shiat Olivia Munn on a sex swing  The world's longest-living bat holds clues to longevity. But enough about my mother-in-law  Scientists identify 84 possible causes of obesity. Also known as the complete menu at McDonald's  

Entertainment:  Robin Thicke sues Marvin Gaye's family, apparently unaware of what Marvin Gaye's family is capable of  Man found dead in apparent suicide at Olivia Newton-John's house. Time of death: six minutes into the DVD of 'Xanadu'  Dr. Dre wants out of his deal with HTC, blames dyslexia for an embarrassing mistake  

Politics:  Hillary Clinton mini-series production cancelled by Fox. Tea-partiers respond with "Cancelled by who?" Democrats respond with "by whom"  Those who confirmed Reince Priebus' racist comment have been sacked. We've just found out that the sackers of the spokesman who was sacked have been sacked. The GOP symbol is now a dancing llama  Susan Sarandon: "You can't just vote with your vagina." Maybe you could back in the day when voting machines had levers, but they're all crappy touch screens now  

Business:  Wells Fargo cuts 2,300 jobs from their mortgage department, stagecoach division  Nike's "Just Do It" slogan is now 25 years old... which makes it 15 years too old to make their shoes  Delta Airlines gives 19,000 of its flight attendants a Windows phone. 4,000 attendants immediately ask for an aisle phone
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6 Comments     (+0 »)
2013-08-26 09:55:39 PM  
These are a lot funnier after beers.
2013-08-26 10:18:08 PM  
I'm partial to the Dr Dre headline myself.
2013-08-26 10:32:36 PM  
Headline regarding the death at the Newton-John residence gave me a good solid giggle.
2013-08-26 10:33:47 PM  
I thought my Filner headline was better:

Filner grabs headlines by announcing he is in a pinch and, although it rubs him the wrong way, he will kiss his office goodbye and resign. Will not look back on this fondly

/of course, my kids are better than yours too, so what do I know
2013-08-26 10:42:04 PM  
Am I a bad person for thinking the Chelsea Manning headline was hilarious when I'm transgender myself? =)

I missed the Dr. Dre headline originally but god damn that is funny, too.
2013-08-27 08:19:48 AM  

Myria: Am I a bad person for thinking the Chelsea Manning headline was hilarious when I'm transgender myself? =)

No, just a Farker.
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