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Scott Weiland finds his heroine, Oregon joins the SEC, and why you never ask a suicidal man what he wants on his Tombstone: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 6/23 - 6/29
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-07-01 7:19:03 PM (6 comments) | Permalink

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3533 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Jul 2013 at 7:47 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

We're just about halfway through the year any of you have favorites that you think will win Headline of the Year in any category?

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2013-06-23 to Sat 2013-06-29:  New Jersey Governor orders flags flown at half-staff for James Gandolfini. Next up - New York churches to propose sainthood for Mariano Rivera  Police prevent man from jumping off bridge, using pizza to entice him into coming down. In related news, deputy negotiator fired for shouting "HEY - what do you want on your tombstone?"  Teen suffering from rare disease that makes her look far older than her actual age undergoes surgery to feel better about herself. But enough about Courtney Stodden  Teacher poked with penis-shaped celery sues principal for allowing her to be stalked  Arizona fire department responds to urgent call of a squirrel fighting a snake. The snake has a great ground game, but once the squirrel established side control and worked the Kimura, that was a wrap, son  South Korean counterfeiter made won too many  Supreme Court rules everyone has a right to lose half their stuff  Add "having sex against a window pane" to the list of things that can kill you in China, just below "breathing the air", but above "drinking powdered milk"  For removing her husband's penis and throwing it in the garbage disposal, the prosecution refused to cut her a deal. She got 7 years to life. At least her husband had the balls to see her go to jail  "Did you hear about the inmate who wounded six prison guards with a plastic cup?" "Wow... solo?" "I didn't get the brand name"  Article asks:"Why are so many US government documents classified?" Short answer: ██. Long answer: █████████████████████████████  

Sports:  Oregon joins SEC  And the sun became became as dark as sackcloth, and the moon became as red as a cardinal, and the Pittsburgh Pirates ascended to 48-30 and a share of first place in the NL Central  Patriots will offer Hernandez jersey exchange. For orange jumpsuits, presumably  

Geek:  Germans develop robotic ape, will take on Dr. Venture once and for all  National Science Foundation and Mozilla announce breakthrough applications on a "smarter internet", although there's no way to tell how they're going to make the internet smarter--hey, where did the politics tab go?  Fifteen year old Canadian girl invents flashlight powered by heat from the human hand. The machines found all the energy they would ever need  

Entertainment:  Scott Weiland has finally found his heroine  James Gandolfini's body returns to U.S., will be buried at sea with cement shoes  Gary David Goldberg, creator of "Family Ties," has died. Cry, Ubu, Cry. Good dog  

Politics:  Congressman Louie Gohmert says we don't need sex education in schools because mankind survived for millenia before it existed, of course you could say that about all knowledge and learnin--oh, god, I've just uncovered his endgame haven't I?  Gov. Jerry Brown to county clerks: LET. MY. PEOPLE. MAAAAAAAAAAARRY *jazzhands of thunder*  Weiner makes pitch for gay voters, although he might have more luck if he offered to catch  

Business:  Top bankers' salaries drop from plaid to ludicrous  Apple I computer to bring $500,000 at auction. Seller believes it to be the last computer assembled by someone who spoke English  China targets shadow bankers in credit squeeze. A financial bukkake as it were
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6 Comments     (+0 »)
2013-07-01 07:59:47 PM  
Is it Monday already? Good Job as always, go relax.
2013-07-02 12:47:52 AM  
I'm looking at a map. How is Oregon in the SEC? Is this about ... money?
2013-07-02 08:48:10 AM  
Good picks this week, especially the pizza one.
2013-07-02 11:04:32 AM  

Clemkadidlefark: I'm looking at a map. How is Oregon in the SEC? Is this about ... money?

How is Colorado in the Pac-12 for that matter?

Oregon got slapped w/ a bunch of NCAA penalties about the usual recruiting and gifts -maybe that makes them fit in with the SEC by subby's logic?  Kinda thin.
2013-07-02 12:34:26 PM  
Wow, 4 this week. "Shoes", "Dr. Venture" "jazzhands of thunder" and "financial bukkake" I think this has been the best week for me in a while

btw, the "I haven't seen this Canadians this wet since last night with your mother, Trebek" one from the 21st was tossed into the Context HOTY contest since it has to do with the Calgary floods?

/oh god....that means it's up against "Cardinals get new manager"?
2013-07-03 08:52:39 AM  

Clemkadidlefark: I'm looking at a map. How is Oregon in the SEC? Is this about ... money?

The joke was that the SEC was notorious for recruiting violations, and the Oregon Ducks having the same situation with the NCAA was almost SEC-like.
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