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A hunch back at the bell tower, bestiality porn man gets off on a technicality--among other things, and SeaLab 2015: some of Fark's favorite Headlines Of The Week for 5/19 - 5/25
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-05-30 10:16:20 AM (2 comments) | Permalink

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1536 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 May 2013 at 10:18 AM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Enjoy the headlines, see you next week

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2013-05-19 to Sat 2013-05-25:  Best Korea fires 6th missile into the sea. Reports say that the Ocean is winning but is taking on water  Police round up two baby goats running in traffic ... *sigh* ... kids these days  Man kills self in Notre Dame cathedral in Paris. Tour guide not surprised, says he had a hunch back at the bell tower  Jodi Arias feels betrayed by jury. And you know how she deals with betrayal  First female amputee to climb Everest looks forward to final leg  "3rd Grader Who Loved to Sing Among the OK Tornado Victims": That is one disturbed 3rd grader  Man accused of bestiality porn gets off on a technicality. Also, a horse, several dogs, a lemur and a pack of ferrets  Polite young men who wear neckerchiefs, colorful badges and khaki shorts in public are now allowed to be openly gay  Jodi Arias likes her juries just like her men: Hung  Germany voted most popular country in the world. Well, not in Poland or France...but still  Experts say that U.S. schools should make physical education a core subject. Probably because most kids' core is pretty much surrounded by several layers of fat  

Sports:  Goetze unlikely to play in UEFA Champions League final, leaving Borussia Dortmund with a big offensive hole to fill and its backfield susceptible to penetration  New putting rule in golf will result in an increase of strokes due to iron deficiencies  Reggie Bush came to Detroit to win championships, just like he went to USC for their fine engineering school  

Geek:  American scientists pumped to have fully operational $239 million laboratory at bottom of Pacific Ocean by 2015, are tempted to dub it SeaLab 2015  Scientists say penguins traded their power of flight for swimming prowess. Which makes sense, if you've ever tried to catch fish in the air  Giving white people the illusion of darker skin makes them less racist, says study funded by the National Association of Tanning Bed Operators  

Entertainment:  Brad Pitt believes he suffers from "face blindness", just like Edward Norton  Madonna wears a sweatshirt with an AK-47 on it, which is the most controversial thing you'll see all day from a woman going through menopause  Eva Longoria graduates from Cal State with a master's in Chicano studies, plans to take the summer off and try to get a job at McDonalds to complete the college experience  

Politics:  In the wake of the worst, most scandal filled week in the history of politics the President's approval rating has plummeted up several points. Just resign already, failbama  McConnell predicts that Obamacare will dominate mid-terms, as well as, 2012 election, 2016 election, 2020 election, 2080 election, the fall of mankind, the rise of the apes, the first meeting with Vulcans  Former Miss American challenges Mitch McConnell for Senate. Voters predict it should comes down to who scores highest in the debates, primaries, swimsuit competition  

Business:  Americans say they are less frugal than they were a few years ago, are now finally buying those luxuries they haven't been able to afford since 2007, like food, clothing, gasoline  Carnival profits down on news that fewer people want to take a ride on a giant floating toilet  Cuba lifts its ban against air conditioners and microwaves. Cubans: "What are air conditioners and microwaves?"
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2 Comments     (+0 »)
2013-05-30 10:47:21 AM  
Hmm, I wonder if the "new houses at highest in 3 1/2 years. Especially in Oklahoma" got in for context headline

/or maybe, it was just too soon
//I have yet to see a "too soon" headline that was actually too soon
2013-05-30 02:18:18 PM  
re the goetze headline....i submitted the same story way earlier:

Borussia Dortmund's Goetze will miss Champions League final, will be unable to stretch the field to its limit and create gaping holes in the defense; Goetze's absence leaves a vast, fearsome void
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