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Louisville wins one for the gimper, serial masturbator to handle his own business, and that's a moray: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/7 - 4/13
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-04-17 6:43:19 AM (4 comments) | Permalink

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1820 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Apr 2013 at 6:47 AM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Some great headlines last week. "That's a moray" will be a contender, even though the meme has appeared here before. Good work and well done, submitters.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2013-04-07 to Sat 2013-04-13:  Expensive multifunction toilet stolen from Japanese park. Authorities have nothing to go on  When the porn makes you feel like inserting an eel ... that's a moray  Wife goes over a cliff, falling 120 feet in 2.74 seconds. If she landed 52 feet from the base of the cliff, did she stumble or was she pushed by her husband, who was philandering at a rate of 20 affairs per marriage?  Woman told she's allergic to husband's sperm, says the news was hard to swallow  Cthulu Alert: Giant stone structure found beneath the Sea of Galilee. Scientists still using protractors to determine if the geometry is non-Euclidean  Iranian scientist claims he built a time machine. This is not a repeat from 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017  Serial masturbator to represent himself in court as it is his habit to handle his own business  Indiana dentist pulls out all of man's teeth without his permission. Patient sues for pain, suffering, the cost of moving to Alabama where no one will notice  Wisconsin men in trouble after making video of themselves wrestling with, putting T-shirt on wild deer. Because, you know, Wisconsin guys always like to dress up their dates  Hackers could disrupt the electric car charging grid, stranding tens of motorists  81-year-old Florida man arrested as ringleader of a prescription drug ring, leaving his neighbors to ask what is wrong with these kids today

Sports:  Louisville wins one for the gimper  Lions taking a look at Te'o. How long can they string him along, making him believe they're an actual NFL football team?  Mike Tyson is now a vegan, will now only bite opponents who have cauliflower ears

Geek:  Stupid scientists ask "Could you outrun a TRex?" when they should be asking, "Can you outrun your research assistant in the event of a TRex attack?"  Breakthrough allows researchers to actually map brain activity associated with pain. Researchers used an MRI and the complete first season of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, which seems unnecessarily cruel  CDC: Four out of five Americans were prescribed antibiotics last year. Doctors: We weren't aware that Paris Hilton was back on the dating circuit

Entertainment:  Network cancels Kathy Griffin's talk show. Bravo  M-I-C. See you in heaven Annette Funicello. K-E-Y. Why? Complications from multiple sclerosis, M-O-U-S-Eeeeeeee  Jonathan Winters was still alive

Politics:  You know how I know Uruguay?  Social conservatives to RNC chairman Reince Priebus: We could leave the GOP. Seriously, we'd just walk out. We mean it. No, we really mean it. Why are you holding open the door, jackass, we're serious here? Stop pushing, man  Kid Rock: I'm "embarrassed to be a Republican." Still fine with being Kid Rock

Business:  Broadcasters fearful of the growing number of "Zero TV" people. We'll tell you why they're growing right after this five-minute ad block. Plus: Remember to watch the debut of Buttcracks of Bel-Air on Bravo tonight  DirecTV adds DogTV channel. Media experts say it will be the most biatches seen on one network since the "Real Housewives of New Jersey"  ExxonMobil found liable for $236 million in New Hampshire pollution trial. Company claims the amount as excessive, says it will take them more than three hours to make that much money back
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4 Comments     (+0 »)
2013-04-17 07:28:36 AM  
Might as well cut off all the whiners who thought the original eel headline is better.

/they make a perfect chorus together
2013-04-17 09:23:20 AM  
Good headlines all, but the eel has to be the current leader for Hoty.

/no, you did not submit it with a better headline
2013-04-17 09:33:38 AM  
Hasn't the 'nothing to go on' thing been done before? Many times?
2013-04-17 10:18:50 AM  
The Lions one was cruel and hilarious.
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