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Cancer gets back to its regular life, Tim Tebow nominated as Pope, and 49ers put release papers for David Akers wide right: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/3 - 3/9
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-03-11 2:41:03 PM (4 comments) | Permalink

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1892 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2013 at 4:28 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Some good headlines this week, and a few others that were phenomenal that have been saved for other contests. Enjoy.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2013-03-03 to Sat 2013-03-09:  Gen. Goubongue say Moktar Belmoktar the Belaouar of the Al-Mulathameen has been killed. Darmok and Jalad left inconsolate at Tanagra  North Korea announces birth of Kim Jong Etc  North Korea is threatening to scrap the armistice with the United States and South Korea. Thanks a lot, Dennis Rodman  Now that the last bit of Hugo Chavez is dead, Cancer can start getting back to its normal life  Playboy launches Hebrew edition. Now the articles nobody reads go from right to left  Woman arrested and found to have a loaded gun in her hoo hah. No word if there was any kind of discharge  North Korea rips up non-aggression pacts with South Korea, unfriends them on Facebook  Vatican: 'We want a Pope that is full of charisma and has an incredible grasp of how to manipulate the media for self-promotion.' If they add 'can't throw a football to save his life,' Tim Tebow might have found his next career  Coroner releases cause of death in lion attack. I'm not a coroner, but I'm going with lion here  Remember to set your clocks forward an hour today, because if you don't you're going to look like the world's most foolish time traveler. San Dimas High School football RULES  What do you get when you cross a bridge underpass with a raised dump bed? About halfway

Sports:  Brian Cashman injures ankle while skydiving; Yankees expected to call up minor league GM from Scranton  San Francisco 49ers set to file release papers for David Akers, put papers wide right  The mighty Colorado Avalanche extend their winning streak to one game after feasting on the struggling Chicago Blackhawks

Geek:  NASA's Curiosity Rover to be back online next week. Man, those Java updates are a biatch to deal with  "Astronomers gain new tape measure for the universe" But the problem is once you go beyond the asteroid belt, it snaps and falls below the solar plane  Boffins create laser with zeptosecond accuracy, with grouchoseconds, chicoseconds, harposeconds, and gummoseconds on the way

Entertainment:  Chuck Lorre under fire for a racist Native American joke made on Mike & Molly. He tried to take it back, but that just made things worse  Someone is suing the Wachowski Siblings, claiming they stole his movie script to make the Matrix 2 & 3, which makes the first time anyone has wanted credit for the sequels  Sarah Jessica Parker's feet permanently damaged by high heel shoes, says Doctor Farrier

Politics:  The DHS has purchased 2,717 Mine Resistant Armor Protected Vehicles. TANKS, OBAMA  For this performance of Monty Python's Life of Brian, the People's Front of Judea will be played by CPAC, the Judean People's Front will be played by Pamela Gellar, and the Popular Front of Judea will be played by Chris Christie  86 year old woman suffering from dementia is charged with felony voter fraud for voting twice in the 2012 election, says she couldn't make up her mind between Millard Fillmore and Calvin Coolidge

Business:  Ikea getting into hotel business. Rooms are cheap, but you have to build your own room out of horse-meat with the help of a well dressed monkey  Subaru recalling almost 50,000 "zombie cars". BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAKES  Johnson and Johnson recall three types of K-Y Jelly to avoid costly regulatory reviews, recommends you just bite down on your pillow from now on
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4 Comments     (+0 »)
2013-03-11 03:20:05 PM  
How did this not make the cut?
2013-03-11 03:58:27 PM  

somedude210: How did this not make the cut?

Okay, yeah, that one was good.
2013-03-11 04:45:31 PM  
Ikea getting into hotel business. Rooms are cheap, but you have to build your own room out of horse-meat with the help of a well dressed monkey

dotallyrad.comView Full Size
2013-03-11 07:51:06 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: somedude210: How did this not make the cut?

Okay, yeah, that one was good.

sadly, neither you nor I have the power to change Unfreakable's mind and cannot therefore petition the addition of said headline into the lineup

/seriously, it lost out to the 87 year old dementia patient?
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