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Oates bites Hall in the face, frying pan assault can't be blamed on pot, and James Harrison fined by the NFL after Hillary Clinton suffers a concussion: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 12/9 - 12/15
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-12-18 8:12:44 AM (3 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog, NFL, Fark

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2284 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Dec 2012 at 8:16 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Howdy everybody, here are the top votes from last week's headlines. We have some Headline of the Year contests open, will mention those in the thread below.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-12-09 to Sat 2012-12-15:

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  Norwegian who parachuted into Nazi occupied territory on skis to blow up Hitler's nuclear weapons program using a 30-second fuse has just died at age 101 wishing he had accomplished something with his life    
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  Australia police discourage use of Apple maps so motorists won't Darwin themselves    
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  Best Korea launches missile. CIA predicts they may be able to fire weather satellites into the bottom of the Mariana Trench by 2050    
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  Oates bites Hall in the face. Watch out boy, he'll chew you up    
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  Evolution may be the reason women have orgasms, though creationists respond by pointing out whose name gets screamed out during one    
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  Man beats victim with frying pan until handle breaks. At least they can't blame this one on pot    
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  Doctors will treat CA governor for prostate cancer once they're able to push his head out of the way    
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  Atheist Egyptian blogger from Coptic Christian family gets three years in prison for blaspheming Islam. All we need is a Jewish defense attorney and a Pastafarian jailer and we've got BINGO    
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  Suicide bomber fails to kill any targets, wounds three, will get prorated 12 goats and a loose adulteress in heaven    
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  Police identify bictim of fatal pen stabbing    
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  Hillary Clinton faints, sustains concussion. James Harrison fined 50k by the NFL    
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Sports:

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  Dodgers introduce Greinke, Ryu. HADOUKEN    
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  College athletes at major schools are qualifying for bowls by getting A's from on-line courses like "how to open Windows folders" and "tell us about your favorite vitamins" from Western Oklahoma State College Online School of Eligibility Learin'  

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  Calipari polling below 50% in Kentucky. In defense of Kentucky fans, it has been nearly nine months since Kentucky won a national championship    
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Geek:

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  I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabeetus. Thanks to the drugs I take, I may lose my foot but at least I'll remember where I put it    
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  NASA's Grail mission has been a naughty probe and has to spank the Moon. Spank it good. Then....the oral sex    
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  35% of parents want complete porn filtering. 15% want partial porn filtering. The other 50% are men    
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Entertainment:

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  Jennie Garth wishes ex-husband Peter Facinelli nothing but the best in his new relationship with that child-whore-slut costar who can really just 9-0-2-1-blow me    
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  Auction house sells the only Mick Jagger love letters which were not written to himself    
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  Charlie Sheen gives 10-year-old cancer patient $75,000, still can't convince her to watch either of his shows    
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Politics:

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  $100,000 worth of jewelry stolen from the home of Congressman Darrell Issa. Lost Items include irreplaceable watches, heirloom earrings, BFF ring he bought with Grover Norquist    
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  Labor unions: We will fight back. There will be no negotiating with us. We will not stop. We cannot be reasoned with. A path of political destruction shall be paved with the blood of Republicans, and...oh hey, coffee break    
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  It comes without compromise. It comes without "buts". It comes without taxes, or sacrifices, or cuts. Maybe revenue...doesn't come from store. Maybe revenue comes...perhaps...from a budgetary score    
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Business:

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  San Quentin prison inmates are now building hardware for NASA. Products include satellite casings, instrument coverings, shivs for protection from food-crazed Russian cosmonauts    
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  Harvard's MBA program is ranked number one in the nation for the third straight year. Criteria again based on graduate's salary, corporate position, length of time of current prison term    
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  Neiman Marcus is now selling a $100,000 chicken coop modeled on the Versailles palace. Good luck getting chickens anywhere near a place that comes with a guillotine    
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3 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2012-12-18 08:17:44 AM  
Just a heads-up, we ran our third quarter Headline of the Year contest for mainpage headlines yesterday. Voting is still open on that link here:  http://www.fark.com/comments/7489936
 
2012-12-18 08:20:58 AM  
Also, for the Totalfarkers, we have the third quarter subtab HotY contests with voting still open here:
 
Sports Q2:  http://www.fark.com/comments/7490171
 
Geek Q2:  http://www.fark.com/comments/7490327
 
Entertainment Q2:  http://www.fark.com/comments/7490399
 
Politics Q2:  http://www.fark.com/comments/7490725
 
Business Q2:  http://www.fark.com/comments/7490911
 
Third quarter subtabs will be coming up in a day or two.
 
2012-12-18 09:18:11 AM  
Where Lil Wayne's Gangsta lien? Oh, that'll be next week.

Carry on.
 
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