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Jihad Me Elmo, butthole monocles, and stank-tainted confetti: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 6/3 - 6/9
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-06-13 1:00:47 PM (4 comments) | Permalink
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4000 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Jun 2012 at 1:00 PM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

This got put off a couple days after we used the normal slot to announce the Fark notification app on Monday, but here are some of our favorite headlines. Enjoy

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-06-03 to Sat 2012-06-09:  Passenger jet crashes into apartment building in Nigerian capitol. Over 150 princes, bank officials, widows, and generous cancer-stricken millionaires feared dead  Taco Bell sells 100 million Doritos Locos Tacos in 10 weeks. Sales reach an amazing 8.0 on the sphincter scale  As a condition of stripping at T's Lounge, Octomom won't be going bottomless. Because when a man peers into that dark, dank bottomless hole it shreds his soul into stank-tainted confetti  "Hello everyone thank you for coming, I realize it's been a bit a rough year here at Al-Qaeda, which is why we're thrilled to announce our new #2 man Abu Yaha al...oh sonovabiatch not again"  Enterprise damaged enroute to Intrepid. This is not a repeat from 2947.3  Ikea hires translators to avoid sexually explicit product names. Subby will miss cleevlündsteemer duvet and cover sets  Al Qaeda is down to one senior leader; once al-Zawahiri is killed, they'll have to bring someone up from AAAl Qaeda  US Navy confirms that fire on nuclear sub USS Miami which caused $400 million in damage was started by a vacuum cleaner. Oh god, I have one of those in my house  U.S. ends funding for Pakistani version of Sesame Street. Doll factories immediately cancel plans for Jihad Me Elmo  Man accidentally shoots self in head after his manhood was challenged on internet. Wait a minute... who's not here today?  Homeless man arrested for camping. Not sure if its called "camping" at that point

Sports:  NFL officially locks out referees. This sounds good until you remember this means Ed Hochuli now has nothing but time on his hands and a world full of rulebreakers that need tickets to the gun show  I'll Have Another year without a Triple Crown winner  Maria Sharapova wins French Open to capture a career Grand Slam. Let us all celebrate her glorious body...... of work

Geek:  FBI didn't steal Megaupload evidence because it's "digital". Wait, what is their case based on again?  Prosecutors: Norwegian gunman Anders Breivek played World of Warcraft for up to seven hours straight for months on end. Farkers: Is that a lot?  Louis Theroux wonders if the porn industry can continue to discharge product in the face of ever growing internet competition

Entertainment:  Kristen Stewart calls Farkers and people with taste "'voracious, starving sh*t eaters" for criticizing what she calls acting. Not once did her expression change during her tirade  Sheryl Crow has a brain tumor. It's like RAAAIIIIINNNNNN  Lindsay Lohan hospitalized after a train wreck...scratch that, after a car wreck

Politics:  Republican spokesman who suggested throwing acid at female Democrats steps down. Guess it didn't go well with the base  Mitt Romney secretly attended the Bilderberg conference last week according to hotel staff. Kind of ruins it knowing the winner in advance, doesn't it?  Good grief Kwame Brown

Business:  Coinstar to produce Starbucks coffee dispensing machines after taking 10.9% of the coffee out of each cup  Taco Bell introducing a new line of 'upscale' and 'gourmet' menu items. Order your butthole monocles now  Politics is killing the stock market. Why can't it be a murder-suicide?
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4 Comments     (+0 »)
2012-06-13 02:10:45 PM  
The butthole monocles headline is my favorite so far.
2012-06-13 03:09:00 PM  
i thought Enterprise damaged enroute to Intrepid. This is not a repeat from 2947.3
should have been "Spaceship crashes into NYC bridge"
2012-06-13 03:56:40 PM  
"Republican spokesman who suggested throwing acid at female Democrats steps down. Guess it didn't go well with the base"

That one took a couple seconds to sink in.
2012-06-13 06:22:05 PM  
Considering how often it occurs, I have to go with the Triple Crown headline.
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