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Instrument thieves who may be prone to violins, a note from the Stop Hitting Yourself Institute, and researchers discover the Kardash-ion: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/22 - 4/28
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-04-30 7:08:20 PM (11 comments) | Permalink

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2550 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Apr 2012 at 7:11 PM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Some of our favorite headlines from last week. Enjoy!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-04-22 to Sat 2012-04-28:  Kenyan rangers shoot five ivory poachers, will grind up their bones and sell them to conservationists as an aphrodisiac  Vader charged with murder of missing Alberta couple, entire population of Alderaan  Boy takes girl with Down Syndrome to prom, where every dance is a slow dance  Man accused of raping four prostitutes in Pontiac. Subby is guessing it wasn't a Fiero  Owners throw $5000 wedding for dogs. Bride still a complete biatch (w/video)  Judge rules that you can't pay someone to masturbate in Utah, a state that I didn't even know had emissions standards  Instruments stolen from band bus. Authorities warn that the suspects may be prone to violins  Arizona migrant case could lead to sweeping changes. Also dishwashing changes, landscaping changes, and nanny changes  Man attacks woman with couch. That is sofa king weird  Men charged with stealing thousands of dollars worth of printer ink. Police say both cartridges were successfully recovered  Bullied children are more prone to self-harm, says new study from the Stop Hitting Yourself Institute

Sports:  The Donkos, Ravens, and Buccaneers are using iPads instead of the traditional hard copy playbook. So far the most used play is "Angry Birds Split Option Z Left"  Fark-ready sports headline: "Predators Announce First-Ever Child Abuse Prevention Night"  ♫ Every Rose has its torn (ACL) ♫  

Geek:  Google to begin penalizing "search over-optimization." sex nudity scarlett johansson free win cash viagra baldness cure male enhancement mortgage loan click lottery numbers UPS delivery notification  MIT researchers invent new water-repellent "super glass". Which is why American light beers will no longer be available in bottles  New subatomic particle discovered at CERN made up of a combination of quarks that only exist for a fraction of a second before divorcing. Particle tentatively named "The Kardash-ion"

Entertainment:  Britney Spears sells home for $4.2 million. LEAVE BRITNEY A LOAN  Townhouse used as location for Sarah Jessica Parker's residence in Sex and the City sells to anonymous buyer. Rent to remain stable  Team behind Tupac hologram consider a Bieber/Elvis duo. In other news, entire state of Tennessee being powered by spinning grave

Politics:  Joe Lieberman plans to call hearings on Secret Service prostitution scandal. Hearings to be aired on C-SPAN, Cinemax  Obama's top campaign strategist says that he thinks many Republicans want to work with the president but they are too afraid of House Minority Whip Robespierre and Senate Minority Leader Saint-Just to do so  Wisconsin is dead last in jobs, skinny people

Business:  After 70 years, Germany to publish new edition of 'Mein Kampf'. Tentative working title: Hitler: Göing Roguenfrauzen  Oil companies claim 150,000 new jobs created in 2011. In related news, 150,000 people hired last year to clean oil spill along the Gulf Coast  State department denies restaurant its trademark request because its name is "immoral and deceptive" Well if you don't like it, then Fuku
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11 Comments     (+0 »)
2012-04-30 07:18:27 PM  
Awesome :)
2012-04-30 07:46:28 PM  
2012-04-30 07:54:22 PM  
Wow, how does this headline go green so fast?
2012-04-30 07:56:05 PM  


Anybody loan?


2012-04-30 08:00:48 PM  
So basically same old same old!
2012-04-30 08:12:52 PM  
Can someone fix the HOTWlink from the main page? Its most recent entry is from the end of March.
2012-04-30 09:41:06 PM  
I tried to read that but my brain hurt
2012-04-30 10:56:45 PM  

Perturbance: Can someone fix the HOTWlink from the main page? Its most recent entry is from the end of March.

Mike is working on it.
2012-05-01 12:25:30 AM  
The Stop Hitting Yourself Institute headline was just wrong, and awesomely so. Also, the Kardash-ion one is genius.
2012-05-01 01:30:11 AM  
A young girl, violins. So much Pearl Jam I can't help make a joke.
2012-05-01 02:13:56 AM  
Great headlines this week. Some of them even got a laugh out of Mrs. Gig103, who usually rolls her eyes when I read them aloud.
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