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Headline of the Year contest will be tomorrow at 11AM EST, so mark your calendars. Also a few of Fark's favorite Headlines Of The Week for 12/4 - 12/10
Posted by Unfreakable at 2011-12-15 5:43:07 PM (11 comments) | Permalink

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2331 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Dec 2011 at 5:57 PM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Hey everybody, sorry this Headline of the Week is behind schedule, I was in Vegas on Monday and Tuesday looking into hotels for Fark's big meetup at the end of March, and I spent most of yesterday traveling to get home.

Heads-up: Tomorrow is Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2011.

I'm gonna push it live at 11AM Eastern. I was hoping to have the subtab contests done by now, too, but those are getting bumped to next week. I'll have a thread in about an hour that will be at the top of the the Greenlit tab, linking to all five of the third quarter subtab contests, and I'll have another five contests tomorrow for the fourth quarter.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-12-04 to Sat 2011-12-10:  German National Socialist Union cell created and sold Pogromly board game, based on Monopoly, with concentration camps instead of railroads and gas works instead of water works. Nahtzee probably gets boring after a while  Ford's 2013 Lincoln MKS Sedan will have technology to tell when the driver is distracted. Control switch to be found under knob for voice texting and between video player and GPS  Turtle escapes NYC wildlife center, beats Giants secondary for a 39-yard gain  Man fails to elude police during foot chase. Will respawn at the Los Santos Police Station minus his weapons, $100 and the XBox he was carrying  Radio stations that switch to All-Christmas format are doubling their ratings. Suck it Thanksgiving, Passover, and Ramadan radio  5'4" 252 pound pole dancer says she's proud of her ability. I don't know about her, but whoever installed that pole should be  Federal Aviation Administrator chief Randy Babbitt downgraded from FAA to AA  Actual Headline: "Merkel's Strategy: Make Europe Look a Lot More Like Germany." Guess third time's the charm?  Should nuns take birth control pills? Probably, considering their boss has a history of impregnating women without touching them  Police say man lived with woman's corpse for months, but have not ruled out possibility he may have only thought he had gone deaf  Authorities arrest 3 Chinese men in Cologne after finding 100 snakes, 70 tortoises, and 20 neon-colored frogs in their hotel room; are unsure whether they are animal dealers or had just ordered room service

Sports:  Spartan Stadium could be getting new scoreboards, bottomless pit  Packers Linebacker charged with beating his girlfriend. IMO, she would be better off dating someone from the Colts. They don't beat anyone  Pujols to become Angel in LA, Devil in St. Louis

Geek:  Today may or may not be Werner Heisenberg's birthday  Inventors of a new revolutionary substance claim that it can keep things from getting wet. For generations married men knew of this substance, and called it wedding cake  787 Dreamliner breaks records by flying nonstop from Seattle to Dhaka, then clocking in at 42 hours, 27 minutes for a round-the-world flight. With those out of the way, it shall now attempt to wear 248 t-shirts at once

Entertainment:  Rita Hayworth's grandson found dead in apparent suicide. It came down to a simple choice really. Get busy living or get busy dying  Soccer is so gay, even Jennifer Lopez can play it. In high heels and a miniskirt, just like David Beckham  Gene Simmons calls Madonna a "karaoke singer", reminds you to buy the new Kiss Karaoke Machine

Politics:  Dan Quayle endorses Mitt Romneye  Blagojevich to get 14 years of getting his seat filled  Trump finds it difficult to overcomb lack of candidates at his debate

Business:  Eurozone heading for some steep contractions. Come on Eurozone, give me one good push. YOU BASTARD, YOU DID THIS TO ME  Actual headline: "Fast trains from Detroit to Chicago coming in 3-4 years." Wow; I'd sure hate to have to book a ticket on the slow train  Stunning explanation given for bankrupt US brokerage firm missing $1.2bn: "I simply do not know where the money is," adding "Seriously, we looked behind the couch and everything"
· · ·

11 Comments     (+0 »)
2011-12-15 06:13:09 PM  
Sadly snubbed even for honorable mention: This one still gives me a funny:

Link (new window)
2011-12-15 06:21:06 PM  
The pole dancing one and the Trump comb over. Can't decide.
2011-12-15 06:23:11 PM  
I'm excited about tomorrow...even though mine aren't making it past the prelims. Congrats to those that did!!! Keep bringing the funny.


Bring it!
2011-12-15 06:33:28 PM  
Yay. my first headline to make HotW.
2011-12-15 06:34:03 PM  
It's the most wonderful time of the year!
2011-12-15 07:07:20 PM  
Yep, I can't possibly hope to remember this by tormorrow unless I mark it on my calendar. Better do that.
2011-12-15 07:55:42 PM  
I can't help but feel like the 787 headline submitter needs a good smack for using "[SICK]" in the annoying new teen-speak sense.

/Off my lawn. Now.
//I half-kid, but the way a term like that grates really does give some perspective on just how dumb and annoying some of my own generation's slang must have sounded to our own elders
///Don't get too smug, kids -- it'll happen to you too, no matter how much you promise yourself you'll always stay current.* Some of the next generation's invented terms will start to sound insufferably dumb to you, too, because they honestly are; it's just that each generation is mostly immune to hearing how dumb some of their own neologisms are
////*Obligatory: "Admit it, Randy: It sounds like sh*t to you, too!"
//Thankfully, some slang usages do recede, like the late '80s/early '90s "diss" and "___... NOT!" fads.
2011-12-15 07:59:59 PM  

Fizics: It's the most won

punderful time of the year!

2011-12-15 10:06:53 PM  
the poodle headline made me giggle.
2011-12-15 11:00:38 PM  
Not sure what to do. I only have one calendar to mark.
2011-12-16 04:31:41 AM  
It was an honor just not being nominated. On the bright side, at least I'm not one of the farmers that died this year (yet).
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